Mary: So, kids, we have a little family business to discuss.
Missy: You're pregnant?
Mary: No.
Missy: We're getting a puppy?
George Sr.: No.
Missy: I'm not sure I care.

Missy: Found 'em.
Sheldon: The tweezers?
Missy: Mom's needles and her magnifying glass.
Sheldon: Absolutely not.
Missy: Let me at least try.
Sheldon: No.
Missy: You're being a baby.
Sheldon: Nothing you can say will change my mind.
Missy: What if it gets infected and turns green and they have to cut it off?

Missy: Wait till you hear what I did to Meemaw.

Sheldon: I've been thinking, and there's something I'd like to say.
George Sr.: Unless it's an apology, I don't want to hear it.
Sheldon: I'm quitting science.
Missy: Not an apology. Spank him, Dad.

Meemaw: Okay, who's excited?
George Jr.: I don't want to see Sheldon's stupid play, it's humiliating.
Missy: That's why I want to see it.

Mary: What's all this?
Sheldon: An extra layer of protection.
Meemaw: Protection from what?
Mary: Sweetie, is someone bothering you?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: Who is it?
Sheldon: I'd rather not talk about it.
Mary: No, I want a name right now.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: Have you been hurting him?
Missy: Only with my words.

Sheldon: Missy, I could really use your help.
Missy: With what?
Sheldon: I'm being bullied by Bobbi Sparks.
Missy: Hilarious. Go on.

Missy: Boys are dumb.
Meemaw: D-U-M-B.
Missy: Dum-b?

Missy: There's a list of sentences, and you're supposed to say if each one's a complete sentence or not.
George Jr.: The first one is, "Most people in the country" That doesn't sound like a sentence.
Missy: But ask me who drives pickup trucks.
George Jr.: Who drives pickup trucks?
Missy: Most people in the country.
George Jr.: Well, now it does sound like one.

Mary: Lunch is ready. Can you go get your brother?
Missy: I'm watching TV.
Mary: Just go.
Missy: [sighs] I have to do smurfing everything around here.
Mary: I heard that.
Missy: I said "smurfing".
Mary: And I heard how you said it.

Pastor Jeff: Now, it says here in Mark 12:31 that you should "Love your neighbor as yourself.
" Anybody like to take a guess what that means? Missy?
Missy: It means to be nice to the people who live next door.
Pastor Jeff: That's right.
Missy: But everybody else can go to hell.

George Sr.: The trick is not to make eye contact.
Missy: Tell him.

Mary: Why don't you kids go in the kitchen and fix yourselves some ice cream?
Missy: I'm not going anywhere.

[Sheldon humming]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: The sound from the refrigerator. It's right between D and D-sharp. Ugh! It's making my skin crawl.
Missy: What if I hold a pillow over your face for, like, a really long time?
Sheldon: No, that's dangerous. Do you know if we have earplugs?
Missy: If we did, I'd be wearing them. Go to sleep.

Missy: Mom, since Sheldon cost you all that money, who's your new favorite Me or Georgie?
Mary: You know I don't have favorites.
George Jr.: Yeah, right.
Mary: Okay, whoever takes the trash out first is my favorite.
Missy: She thinks we're stupid.

George Jr.: You have no idea how much it sucks to have a brother like him. Believe it or not, he's in my class.
Erica: My parents sent Paige to a private school.
Missy: Cool. We're too poor for that.

Sheldon: Is Mom okay?
George Sr.: How the heck should I know?
Missy: She left. You can say "hell."

Missy: Do you even know how to cook?
George Sr.: Believe it or not, I am capable of making breakfast.
Missy: Sorry. It's not like we see you do much around here.
George Sr.: How 'bout, "Thanks for cooking, Dad"?
Missy: Chocolate chips? Thanks for cooking, Dad.

Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Missy, what do you think is happening in this picture?
Missy: The girl monkey on the couch is telling the guy monkey a secret. Must be something juicy, 'cause he's smiling.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Anything else?
Missy: It might be dirty, 'cause this girl monkey is sending the kid monkey out of the room. He doesn't want to go. He looks sad.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Is that all?
Missy: The monkeys on the couch are drinking tea, so it's a tea party.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Okay, very good. Let's look at another picture.
Missy: I'm not done. The monkey in the painting is wearing an old lady hat, so she's probably a meemaw monkey. She's not at the party, so she must be bowling or dead.

Missy: So it's not gonna be scary?
Mary: It will, but without all the blood and gore.
Missy: But I like blood and gore.