Mandy: He's on a date.
Meemaw: Why, that little...
Mandy: No, it's okay. I told him to.
Meemaw: Why the hell would you do that?
Mandy: Why are you yelling at me?
Meemaw: Because you got me all riled up, and I got to point it somewhere.
Mandy: Look... [sighs] I have enough going on here without worrying about being in some relationship. Plus, Georgie deserves to have a life.
Meemaw: So y'all are good, and I don't have to be mad at anybody?
Mandy: Right.
Meemaw: Huh. I'm gonna go call Dale and pick a fight.

Mandy: What are you watching?
Meemaw: The crap-I-don't-need channel.

Georgie: Hey, sorry I'm late. Just a reminder, Doc, I don't want to know if it's a boy or girl. I want it to be a surprise.
Meemaw: Wait, hold up. If we're all here, who's looking after the Laundromat and the video store and the, uh, other establishment?
Dr. Nicholson: Oh, the gambling room?
Meemaw: Huh?
Dr. Nicholson: It's okay. I lost a hundred bucks there last week.
Meemaw: Oh. [chuckles] Then you know we're good for the bill.

Mary: Oh, and after we do gifts, we could take pictures holding Mandy's belly.
Mandy: [scoffs] No. Okay.
Missy: Here's one. We can fill baby bottles with juice and see who can drink it the fastest.
Meemaw: Don't go drinking out of my bottle.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause it ain't gonna be juice.

Dale: Well, how do they not see that's Dustin Hoffman?
Meemaw: I buy it.
Dale: So if I put on a wig and lipstick, you'd think I was a chick?
Meemaw: [chuckles] Only one way to find out.
Dale: Nice try.
Meemaw: You do have some pretty nice legs, though.
Dale: Well, if you want, we could pause the movie, and I'll let you touch 'em.
Meemaw: Lucky me.

Meemaw: [o.s.] You're gonna leave your socks on?
Dale: [o.s.] My feet get cold.
Meemaw: Take 'em off.
Dale: What do you care?
Meemaw: It feels like a lack of commitment.
Dale: Aw, fine.
Meemaw: When was the last time you cut your toenails?
Dale: I don't know.
Meemaw: Seriously, you look like something that could swoop down and pick up a squirrel.

Meemaw: How's your sex cramp, old man?
Dale: Athletes get cramps all the time. It comes from dehydration, overexertion.
Meemaw: I'll give you the dehydration, but I didn't see any overexertion, though.
Dale: Why, Connie?
Meemaw: 'Cause it's fun.

Mandy: Why are you here?
Meemaw: Uh, I- I had a medical thing. It- It's been handled. Here, let me help you to your room.
Mandy: What kind of thing?
Meemaw: [stammers] Just a thing. It's been tended to. How- How far apart are your contractions?
Mandy: Connie, what's going on?
Meemaw: It's hemorrhoids, okay? It's embarrassing, but here we are. Hemorrhoids, hemorrhoids, hemorrhoids! Happy?
Mandy: Well, I'm about four centimeters dilated, and the doctors think it could be another few hours.
Meemaw: Well... Good. Walk slow.

Mandy: Hey, how long have you been here?
Georgie: [chuckles] I just came to check on her before work. She was up and you were snoring like a buzz saw.
Mandy: I do not snore.
Georgie: Okay.
Meemaw: Be nice.
Georgie: You didn't hear it?
Meemaw: I didn't say that. I said, "Be nice."

Mandy: She's finally napping.
Meemaw: Great. You get 20 minutes. What you gonna do? Sleep, bathe, eat?
Mandy: No, I took a bath a few days ago. I think I'm set.
Meemaw: Those baths aren't just for you.

Meemaw: You're up early.
Mandy: Georgie usually comes over and feeds her in the morning. But I think he's mad at me.
Meemaw: Yeah, you reject a guy's marriage proposal, they tend to take it personal.
Mandy: You speaking from experience?
Meemaw: I've broken a couple of hearts in my day.

Meemaw: So, what's the next step? What are you gonna do?
Jake: I was gonna get some lunch.
Dale: Wait a minute. Aren't you gonna file a report or-or dust for fingerprints?
Meemaw: Yeah, what are we paying you for?
Jake: You're paying me to not shut you down. Unless you want me to bring detectives to your illegal gambling room.
Meemaw: So, what do we do?
Jake: You need security when you're not here. Maybe an off-duty cop.
Meemaw: You want me to pay you more?
Jake: I just want you to feel safe.
Meemaw: Get out.
Jake: Y'all have a nice day.

Meemaw: I've got a bicycle pump if you want to top off your donut.
Dale: No, actually, I'm experiencing a little too much bounce.

Meemaw: Well, what a nice surprise.
Pastor Jeff: Hey there, Connie. Were you in that storage closet all this time?
Meemaw: Yes, I was.
Dale: That's not weird.

Pastor Jeff: Is there someplace we can shelter?
Meemaw: [whispers] Should we move everybody somewhere else?
Dale: I thought you didn't want to put you-know-who somewhere else.
[The customers exclaim as a tree branch smashes through the window]
Dale: Okay, everybody, follow me. Come on.
Pastor Jeff: Are we all gonna fit in there?
Meemaw: Maybe God will provide a miracle.
[Dale, Meemaw, Pastor Jeff and a group of customers enter the bustling gambling room]
Pastor Jeff: What is all this?
Meemaw: A miracle.