Sheldon: I brought you some snacks. For Mom, a Bavarian-style pretzel. And for Dad, four Lone Star beers poured into a pitcher to approximate a stein.
George: What do you want?
Sheldon: For starters, a danke wouldn't kill you.
Mary: A what?
Sheldon: It's "thank you" in German. Uh, so, if you were thinking of thanking, then you'd be denken of danken. You're awfully quiet. I assume you're denken.
Mary: W-Where are you going with all this?
Sheldon: If I play my cards right, Germany.

Mary: Sheldon... [sighs] aren't there programs that are closer?
Sheldon: Yes, but I missed my chance to get into any of them. In fact, Dr. Sturgis had to call in a big favor to get this opportunity.
George: Well, that's nice of him, but maybe he should have talked to us first?
Sheldon: Oh, he suggested that.
Mary: And?
Sheldon: I nixed it.
Mary: You nixed it?
Sheldon: From the German nichts. The language lends itself to negativity.

Mary: Well, we're gonna have to talk to Dr. Sturgis before we make any decisions.
George: We're- We're not making any promises.
Mary: Mm-hmm.
George: This is not a yes.
Sheldon: But it's also not a nein, which German for "no", as opposed to the number nine, which is neun.

Dr. John Sturgis: The string theory research they're doing is at the forefront of the field. This is a tremendous opportunity for Sheldon.
Mary: Well, we wouldn't want him to miss out.
George: And you're okay with looking after him all summer?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I won't be there.
Mary: You won't?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, no, I'll be presenting a paper in Needles, California. If you're a Peanuts fan, that's where Snoopy's brother Spike lives.

George: He also told us how much it costs, and it's more than we can handle.
Sheldon: I'll pay you back. I'm sure I'll make plenty as a theoretical physicist.
Mary: I'm sure you will, but right now, we don't have the money.
Sheldon: Have you considered scrimping and saving? I... Do we really need breakfast, lunch and dinner?
George: Sheldon, you do our taxes.
Sheldon: And I'm about to start charging for that.
Mary: Shelly, I'm sorry, but it's no.
Sheldon: Ach!

Sheldon: This set was actually endorsed by Professor Proton.
Andy: Who's Professor Proton?
Sheldon: Who's Professor Proton? How much time do you have? Arthur Jeffries, aka Professor Proton, brought science to the masses on his revolutionary television show Professor Proton. Actually, this set is not for sale.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter.
Dr. Linkletter: I heard you're raising money to study in Germany. Is that true?
Sheldon: Yes, but I'm not having any luck.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, your luck's about to change. Here's one week of my pay.
Sheldon: Wow, thank you.
Dr. Linkletter: Mm. Whatever it takes to get you on that plane. I also passed the hat in the faculty lounge.
Sheldon: I don't know what to say.
Dr. Linkletter: I do. Auf Wiedersehen, you little rascal. [chuckles]

Sheldon: Hello, Pastor Jeff.
Pastor Jeff: Sheldon, George, good news. I told the congregation about your exciting opportunity in Germany, and boy, were they thrilled to help. [laughs] I've never seen the collection plate so full.
Sheldon: Well, thank you. Are you seeing this? I am beloved.
Pastor Jeff: Sure.

Dale: Anyone suspicious hanging around?
Meemaw: Just a crazy old man with a bat.
Dale: I'm just trying to make sure that you're safe.
Meemaw: That's very sweet, but I-I can handle it.
Dale: You can, huh? You ever think this might have been an inside job? Like, any one of these clowns here could have been part of the crew that ripped you off last night?
Meemaw: And now they're sitting here giving me my money back?
Dale: Mm. Not all criminals are masterminds, Connie.
Meemaw: Okay, fine. What's your plan?
Dale: Until we track down the guys or girls... I'm a- I'm a modern thinker... I'll be around, acting as a deterrent... with my friend here.
Meemaw: Lil' Slugger.
Dale: Yeah. It only looks small 'cause I'm so big.

Georgie: I thought one of our neighbors might have a security camera, and Sensei Bruce at the karate studio came through.
Dale: Oh, good job, Georgie.
Meemaw: And what'd you see?
Georgie: A pickup truck driving away from our back door at 2:15 in the morning.
Dale: Ooh, now we got him. Or her.

Georgie: Well, backyard's clear.
Dale: All right. Copy.
Georgie: Saw some skunks.
Dale: That'll work for us. That's nature's alarm system.

Dale: Well, I saw them sneaking around outside. They was clearly casing the place. So I grabbed Lil' Slugger and I went out the front porch and I let 'em know who they was messing with.
Meemaw: You think they'll be back?
Dale: Nah, they ran away like two little girls. [chuckles]

Georgie: If we put in one of them things that spins the hot dogs around, we would make a fortune. Oh, then they spill mustard on themselves, it's right back in the washer. That's money making money, sister.
Meemaw: Yeah, 'cause that's how people want their clothes to smell... like hot dogs.
Georgie: I love how hot dogs smell.
Meemaw: Huh. And you wonder why Mandy won't marry you.

Dale: Looks like they jimmied the door with a crowbar.
Jake: Sure does.
Dale: Well... it's a lucky break that when it happened, nobody was here.
Meemaw: If I had been here, we'd be looking for a place to bury the body.
Georgie: Yours or theirs?

Meemaw: So, what's the next step? What are you gonna do?
Jake: I was gonna get some lunch.
Dale: Wait a minute. Aren't you gonna file a report or-or dust for fingerprints?
Meemaw: Yeah, what are we paying you for?
Jake: You're paying me to not shut you down. Unless you want me to bring detectives to your illegal gambling room.
Meemaw: So, what do we do?
Jake: You need security when you're not here. Maybe an off-duty cop.
Meemaw: You want me to pay you more?
Jake: I just want you to feel safe.
Meemaw: Get out.
Jake: Y'all have a nice day.