Meemaw: I've got a bicycle pump if you want to top off your donut.
Dale: No, actually, I'm experiencing a little too much bounce.

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.

Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Sheldon: Hello, Pastor Jeff.
Pastor Jeff: Sheldon, George, good news. I told the congregation about your exciting opportunity in Germany, and boy, were they thrilled to help. [laughs] I've never seen the collection plate so full.
Sheldon: Well, thank you. Are you seeing this? I am beloved.
Pastor Jeff: Sure.

Sheldon: I brought you some snacks. For Mom, a Bavarian-style pretzel. And for Dad, four Lone Star beers poured into a pitcher to approximate a stein.
George: What do you want?
Sheldon: For starters, a danke wouldn't kill you.
Mary: A what?
Sheldon: It's "thank you" in German. Uh, so, if you were thinking of thanking, then you'd be denken of danken. You're awfully quiet. I assume you're denken.
Mary: W-Where are you going with all this?
Sheldon: If I play my cards right, Germany.

Mary: Well, we're gonna have to talk to Dr. Sturgis before we make any decisions.
George: We're- We're not making any promises.
Mary: Mm-hmm.
George: This is not a yes.
Sheldon: But it's also not a nein, which German for "no", as opposed to the number nine, which is neun.