Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Paige: Would you believe me if I told you I was working on a femtosecond laser in the engineering department?
Sheldon: Yes.
Paige: Then that.

Dale: Little late to start a movie.
Meemaw: It's 8:00.
Dale: We're saying the same thing.

Paige: I'm messing with you. It's just, sometimes life sucks, and it's easier not to deal with it.
Sheldon: Could you be more specific?
Paige: Um... well, I have no friends, I don't fit in anywhere, and I dropped out of college but I'm too young to get a job, so killing brain cells makes it easier.
Sheldon: Huh.
Paige: Go ahead, smart guy, fix me. [Sheldon is silent] Mm.
Sheldon: Well, give me a minute.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Paige: I have not had dinner yet, so we are going to go get some food.
Sheldon: We are?
Paige: Do you have cash?
Sheldon: Of course. I always have an emergency 20, plus four quarters for the telephone.
Paige: 21 bucks? Okay, you're buying.

Meemaw: What am I watching?
Dale: It's called Dinosaurs. It's like The Flintstones, only with dinosaurs. Come on.
Meemaw: Well, that's dumb.
Dale: Well, they talk, he's got a job. It's fun.
Meemaw: Wasn't The Flintstones just The Honeymooners?
Dale: Huh, I never even thought about that. Well, see, you just kind of ruined it for me.
Meemaw: Good.

Meemaw: Please tell me you brought some movies home.
Mandy: Tootsie.
Meemaw: Ooh, thank you.
Dale: Really? We're supposed to believe Dustin Hoffman is a woman?
Meemaw: But we believe talking dinosaurs?

Sheldon: Are you still inebriated, or can we have an intelligent conversation?
Paige: Both.
Sheldon: You do realize that alcohol kills brain cells.
Paige: Ah, but it also makes life tolerable.
Sheldon: What do you mean?
Paige: Well, talking to you is usually annoying.
Sheldon: So you're what's called a mean drunk. Noted.

Sheldon: So I'm assuming you haven't taken the DARE pledge.
Paige: The what?
Sheldon: DARE. It's an acronym. It stands for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. It's not too late. You can take it now. I promise not to do drugs, to avoid violence, to be responsible, and to make responsible choices. Now you say it.
Paige: No.
Sheldon: I dare you. Clever, right? Because I still have all my brain cells.
Paige: Sheldon, just eat your pizza.

Sheldon: Mm, you know, Officer McDaniel was in charge of our DARE program. One time, he even brought in his drug-sniffing dog Alfie. Which I didn't care for, but it was nice to see a dog gainfully employed and off the streets.

Missy: Paige is drunk?
Sheldon: And high on what Officer McDaniel called Mary Jane, reefer and ganja.

Georgie: I'll tell you another idea I have for keeping my kid in line.
George: Oh, can't wait.
Georgie: I seen this show where they put these electric trackers on these dolphins. And with satellites, they can tell exactly where they are.
George: Dolphins? Go on.
Georgie: I'm gonna stick one of them things in my kid so I always know where she is.
George: So you're gonna keep track of your daughter like she's an animal.
Georgie: Damn straight.
George: Actually a really good idea.

Adult Sheldon: Many cultures throughout the world relied on percussion to send messages across long distances. For example, the West African dundun was used to imitate human speech... [loud music playing] ...while I used my fist, the wall of my dorm, and Morse code to send a message.

Bobby: [opens door] Yeah?
Sheldon: I'm here to talk to you about your music and your abysmal Morse code skills.
Bobby: What?
Sheldon: Four dots is just the letter "H." Was your message "Huh"?
Bobby: What?

Paige: Just leave me alone.
Sheldon: But what are you doing here?
Paige: I'm trying to have fun, and I don't want them to know how old I am.
Sheldon: Why?
Paige: Because I want them to think that I'm cool.
Sheldon: But you're smart. What's cooler than that?