Mary: Oh, and after we do gifts, we could take pictures holding Mandy's belly.
Mandy: [scoffs] No. Okay.
Missy: Here's one. We can fill baby bottles with juice and see who can drink it the fastest.
Meemaw: Don't go drinking out of my bottle.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause it ain't gonna be juice.

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.

Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Adult Sheldon: Every culture has its own traditions to celebrate important life events: bar mitzvahs, quinceañeras, baby's first Comic-Con. My favorites are funeral and baby shower. They're the only two thrown in your honor you're not expected to attend. [whispers] Love it.

Meemaw: But then again, Georgie was a big'un.
Mandy: How big?
Mary: Almost ten pounds.
Mandy: Ten pounds?
Meemaw: She walked like a cowboy for months. [laughs]

Mandy: [gasps] Oh, a nursing bra. "Includes removable pads to prevent leakage." Wow. Thanks. That's... really thoughtful.
Brenda Sparks: Mine dripped like a faucet.
Missy: Wait, I have a question.
Mary: Please ask it later.