Meemaw: So, how's my daughter doing?
George: Eh, she seems okay. Still trying to figure things out. I got to be honest, I'm not exactly upset about less religion in the house.
Meemaw: [chuckles] I hear you. Although, Jesus making her forgive me has come in handy more than a few times.
George: [chuckles] Yeah, I played that card, too.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Then again, I remember Mary before God got His mitts on her, and... [chuckles] ...she was pretty wild.
George: Don't have to tell me. I was the person she was wild with.
Meemaw: Oh, she was wild long before she ever met you.
George: What do you mean?
Meemaw: Did you think that you were the first person she was wild with?
George: Well... yeah.
[Meemaw holds her tongue and looks away]

Mary: Well, regardless, I'm glad Missy has someone she can talk to.
Meemaw: Like a big sister.
Mary: Yeah.
Meemaw: Who got knocked up by a 17-year-old knucklehead.
Mary: Why does she want to talk to her instead of us?
Meemaw: Pisses me off.

Meemaw: Do you see any unoccupied machines here?
Dale: No.
Meemaw: Exactly. We are at capacity. It's time to expand.
Dale: Where?
Meemaw: The video store right behind that wall just lost its lease.
Dale: Aw, heck. I was gonna pick up the new John Candy.
Meemaw: Well, as my partner in this enterprise, you can get that new John Candy for free.
Dale: So you're gonna buy a video store?
Meemaw: Video store in the front, video poker in the back.

Dale: Where are you getting the poker machine?
Meemaw: Biloxi, Mississippi.
Dale: Oh. You didn't learn a lesson when you got arrested at the border?
Meemaw: Yes. I learned not to smuggle contraband with my idiot grandson. But there's nothing illegal about buying poker machines.
Dale: Till you plug 'em in.
Meemaw: Well, sure.

Meemaw: Come on. What do you say? You and me, a panel truck, Biloxi or bust?
Dale: So I'm gonna be your partner in an illegal gambling room?
Meemaw: Hidden by a legal video store.
Dale: Connie. Gee...
Meemaw: Come on. You said you want to drive around in an RV, see the country. This is that, but exciting.
Dale: We could go to jail.
Meemaw: That's the exciting part.

Dale: So, how'd you hear about these poker machines?
Meemaw: I know a guy.
Dale: What kind of guy?
Meemaw: A guy who knows a guy.
Dale: Well, what do you know about that guy?
Meemaw: He owned a riverboat casino.
Dale: He owned?
Meemaw: He might be dead.
Dale: Dead?
Meemaw: He might not be. They never found the body.

Meemaw: Oh, now, come on. You've been in the sporting goods business long enough. Haven't you ever sold a bunch of shoulder pads that fell off the back of a truck?
Dale: Absolutely not. I buy 'em from a reputable company named Tuffy.
Meemaw: Boring.

Nurse: Ms. McAllister, we don't have any insurance information on file for you.
Meemaw: Oh, that's all right. We'll be paying in cash.
Nurse: Cash?
Meemaw: [removes money from bra] In God we trust.
Mandy: You always carry that much cash around?
Meemaw: Do you think there's just boobs in this bra? [chuckles]

Meemaw: Let's take a walk.
Georgie: Try and keep an open mind. [slot machines chiming]
Mandy: Oh, my God.
Georgie: See? Not drugs.
Meemaw: And that is the sound of a 22% house advantage.

Meemaw: Morning.
Mandy: Oh. You're up early.
Meemaw: You were out late.
Mandy: Uh, yeah. I was just, uh...
Meemaw: I know where you were.
Mandy: Okay. Do we need to talk about this?
Meemaw: I'm happy to just enjoy the awkwardness.
Mandy: [exhales] Great. Well... I'm gonna go.
Meemaw: And I'm gonna watch you.
[As Mandy turns and walks towards the stairs, she looks back and sees Meemaw watching her. Meemaw gives her a little wave. Mandy waves back and heads up the stairs.]

Pastor Jeff: [o.s.] Thank you for saying no to sin!
Mandy: Oh, you got to be kidding me. [walks outside] What are you doing?
Pastor Jeff: We're just asking people to sign our petition if they agree that sin has no place in cinema.
Mandy: Huh. Clever.
Pastor Jeff: Thanks.
Mrs. Howard: And God doesn't want us seeing people's private parts.
Mandy: Didn't he make people's private parts?
Pastor Jeff: He did, and then He made clothes to cover 'em right up.
Mandy: You are scaring away my customers.
Pastor Jeff: You know what's scarier? Hell.
Mandy: Look, you can't just sit here in front of my store.
Mrs. Howard: Freedom of speech. We're allowed.
Mandy: And we're allowed to rent whatever movies we want. People can choose for themselves.
Pastor Jeff: They sure can. If you love God and hate the devil, sign here. [woman signs petition] Where is your halo? 'Cause you are an angel. [chuckles]
Meemaw: Let's just see what the people think about this. [sprays fire extinguisher]
Mandy: Yeah.

Georgie: What are y'all doing?
Meemaw: Well, I tried to be nice but he kept pushing.
Mandy: Yeah, so now we're pushing back.
Georgie: Why do you care?
Meemaw: Because I don't like anybody telling me how to run my business, especially him.
Georgie: This is not your business. That room back there with the shady piles of money... That's your business. Your secret, illegal business.
Mandy: So, what, are we just supposed to become a Christian video store now?
Georgie: You know what? In this town, I...
Meemaw: No! I am not gonna let that man win.

Nelson: Don't you have Die Hard?
Mandy: Not anymore.
Nelson: Why?
Meemaw: It had that bad word in it.
Nelson: What?
Meemaw: "Yippee-ki-yay," etcetera.
Nelson: This store sucks.
Mandy: We know.
Meemaw: Maybe you'd like The Singing Nun.
Nelson: Nope.

Meemaw: Has anybody ever rented The Singing Nun?
Mandy: [types] Just Pastor Jeff.
Meemaw: That figures. Wait a minute. You can see all the movies that Pastor Jeff ever rented?
Mandy: You can see any movie everyone's rented.
Meemaw: Well, let's just see if he's as pious as he pretends to be.
Mandy: Let's find out. [grunts] Jesus Christ Superstar, Jesus of Nazareth, The Blood of Jesus.
Meemaw: Good Lord. How many Jesus movies are there?

Meemaw: Okay, first rule, you can sit on the same couch, but separate cushions. And no crossing the line.
Missy: Deal.
Meemaw: I'm not done. I will leave you alone, but I will cross through occasionally, unannounced and I better not see any scooting, scurrying or resetting of pillows.
Missy: No problem.
Meemaw: The movie can be PG-13, but the date has to stay G.
Missy: I promise.
Meemaw: All right, then.
Missy: Thank you, you're the best meemaw ever.
Meemaw: Yeah, I know.