Meemaw Quotes
Quote from the episode A Baby Tooth and the Egyptian God of Knowledge
Meemaw: You didn't have to storm off. You're being childish. So I don't want to get married. It's nothing personal.
Dale: Well, it feels personal.
Meemaw: I'm not rejecting you. I'm rejecting marriage. If it helps, it's not the first proposal I've turned down.
Dale: How the hell does that help? After everything that I've done for you and your family!
Meemaw: You give my grandson a job, so I'm supposed to marry you?
Dale: Well, you can forget I even asked.
Quote from the episode Graduation
Meemaw: Hello.
Dale: Thank you for seeing me.
Meemaw: You might not be so happy I did by the time we're done.
Quote from the episode Graduation
Dale: [sighs] I'm admitting I was wrong, and that's not something I do.
Meemaw: What do you want from me?
Dale: One more chance.
Meemaw: I don't know.
Dale: Oh, come on. I went to three stores to find these purple flowers.
Meemaw: They are pretty.
Dale: They're not as pretty as you.
Meemaw: [laughs] Oh, God.
Quote from the episode Graduation
Meemaw: [chuckles] Should I not get one, then?
Dale: No, no, you go ahead.
Meemaw: I don't want it to get weird.
Waiter: I can come back.
Dale: No, no. Hey, just bring her a margarita.
Meemaw: No, don't.
Dale: I insist.
Meemaw: I don't want one.
Dale: Yeah, you do.
Meemaw: It's getting weird.
Dale: Maybe come back.
Quote from the episode A Docent, A Little Lady and a Bouncer Named Dalton
Sheldon: Thanks for bringing me.
Meemaw: Hey, it got me out of driving all the way to Missy's game; I should be thanking you.
Sheldon: [knocks] My little knuckles might not be cutting it. Would you give it a go?
Meemaw: Sure. [knocks] How's that?
Sheldon: Four knocks. Bold.
Lawrence: [opens door] Hello, hello.
Sheldon: Volunteer docent Sheldon Cooper reporting for duty.
Lawrence: Welcome aboard.
Sheldon: Train nomenclature right out of the gate. Promising.
Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper
Mary: Did you know Dr. Sturgis was taking a new job?
Meemaw: What job?
Mary: He went to work on some supercollider in Waxahachie.
Meemaw: What do you mean "went"?
Mary: He's already there.
Meemaw: When did you hear this?
Mary: He just called. I was counting on him to be there for Sheldon.
Meemaw: Well, you'd think he would've mentioned it to me.
Mary: Sheldon says it's okay with him, but I would certainly feel a lot better if there were adults there that I trusted.
Meemaw: Nothing on the answering machine.
Mary: He's just a little boy, and he's gonna be on that big campus all by himself.
Meemaw: I mean, I know we're not dating anymore, but I thought we were still friends.
Mary: Excuse me. I think you're focusing on the wrong part of the story here.
Meemaw: He's little, you're worried. Please continue.
Mary: That sums it up.
Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper
Woman: [on radio] Let's talk about the weather. It's going to be a beautiful sunny day today with temps reaching a high of 97.
Meemaw: Gross.
Woman: [on radio] In other news, President Bush will be traveling to Waxahachie later this month to visit the site of a new supercollider. Scientists are hopeful this will lead to exciting discoveries in the world of part... [Meemaw turns radio off]
Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper
Meemaw: And there's nothing wrong with breaking some hearts. If you don't do it to them, they're gonna do it to you.
Missy: Why would they do that?
Meemaw: Because sometimes men do things without thinking how it's gonna make you feel.
Missy: Marcus wouldn't do that. We're friends.
Meemaw: That don't mean nothing. You think somebody's your friend, then they just up and leave without a word.
Missy: But Marcus told me.
Meemaw: [mocking] But Marcus told me.
Quote from the episode An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles
Professor Ericson: It's fairly normal for first-time philosophy students to have their worldviews shaken.
Meemaw: Do they snap out of it?
Professor Ericson: Well, you hope.
Dr. Linkletter: [enters] Professor Ericson, I insist... Hello, Connie. What a pleasant surprise.
Meemaw: Hey.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry you're about to see me speak harshly to my colleague.
Meemaw: Have at it.
Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey
June: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey, June. It's Connie Tucker.
June: Hey, Connie. How are you?
Meemaw: I'm good.
June: Am I seeing you Saturday night?
Meemaw: Well, that's what I've called about. Are you sure you want me there? I mean, it is your son's wedding.
June: Oh, it's his second wedding. Those barely count. Besides, I'm bringing a date, too. Come on, it'll be fun.
Meemaw: Okay. I'm in.
June: Fantastic!
Meemaw: So, how dressed up we getting?
June: Oh, it's a small ceremony, nothing fancy.
Meemaw: You just saying that 'cause you want to look better than me?
June: Of course not. But I do believe you'd be stunning in overalls.
Meemaw: [chuckles] All right. See you then.
June: Bye. [hangs up]
Meemaw: Overalls, my ass.
Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey
June: Connie, Dale, this is Justin.
Meemaw: Hi, Justin. Nice to meet you.
Justin: Nice to meet you, too.
Dale: You must be a friend of my son's.
June: Actually, he's my date.
Dale: Really?
June: Mm-hmm.
Meemaw: Much more fun than a funeral.
Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey
Meemaw: I know, on the surface, Dale seems like a... a bully, but, underneath...
June: Still a bully.
Meemaw: Well, yes, but a little less of one, right?
June: Sure.
Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey
Meemaw: Can you believe that Dale thinks the only reason you brought him here is just to piss him off?
June: That's exactly why I brought him.
Meemaw: What the hell is the matter with you?
June: What?
Meemaw: Why would you go out of your way to upset Dale at your own son's wedding?
June: I don't know. He's my ex-husband.
Meemaw: Well, he's my boyfriend.
June: Hey, that's your problem.
Meemaw: Well, you're starting to be my problem.
June: Geez, who's the bully now?
Meemaw: I knew I shouldn't have come here.
Quote from the episode Cowboy Aerobics and 473 Grease-Free Bolts
Meemaw: What do you two want?
Mr. Lundy: What we want is to make you rich.
Meemaw: Oh, God.
Quote from the episode A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles
Meemaw: You still dating that young guy?
June: Justin? Oh, yeah. It wasn't just to bug Dale. He's hot. And he doesn't eat dinner at 5:00.
Meemaw: Dale and I once ate dinner at 3:30. I still think it was lunch. [June laughs]
Quote from the episode A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles
["Crazy" by Patsy Cline playing on radio]
June: Turn it up. I love that song. [singing along] ♪ Crazy ♪ ♪ I'm crazy for feeling ♪ ♪ So lonely ♪
Meemaw: You know, they got karaoke at the lounge.
June: ♪ I'm crazy ♪ [off-key] ♪ Crazy for feeling ♪ ♪ So blue ♪
Meemaw: Wow. That's some voice you got.
June: Thank you.
Quote from the episode A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles
June: Well, now that we're being honest, can I ask you a question?
Meemaw: Sure.
June: Do you regret saying no to Dale?
Meemaw: No.
June: There was a little pause there.
Meemaw: There was not!
June: Okay, I believe you.
Meemaw: Thank you.
June: You see how I paused? That means I was lying.
Quote from the episode A Box of Treasure and the Meemaw of Science
Dr. Linkletter: All right, here we go. Commencement of the solar neutrino detector prototype in three, two, one. [whirring]
Meemaw: I don't see anything.
Dr. Linkletter: Give it a moment. [flashes of light on screen]
Meemaw: Is that it?
Sheldon: That's it.
Meemaw: [gasps] We did it.
Dr. Linkletter: Phase one is a success.
Sheldon: Congratulations.
Quote from the episode The Geezer Bus and a New Model for Education
Edwin: Hey, Connie. Waiting for the mail?
Meemaw: Yeah. You know me.
Edwin: Yeah. Oh. Something from Publishers Clearing House. Maybe you won.
Meemaw: Yeah, wouldn't that be something?
Edwin: Yeah. You know, people think Publishers Clearing House is Ed McMahon, but that's actually a different company.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Edwin: Yeah. Publishers Clearing House is the Prize Patrol with the giant check. Ed McMahon...
Meemaw: Well, it sure is nice talking to you, Edwin. Bye.
Edwin: Oh. The church van. My grandma rides that sometimes.
Meemaw: Edwin.
Edwin: Hmm?
Meemaw: Beat it.
Edwin: All right. Yep.
Quote from the episode The Geezer Bus and a New Model for Education
Clayton: Connie Tucker?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Clayton: Give me one second. I'll help you in.
Meemaw: No, no, I don't need your help. I can get it myself.
Hortense: She opened that door by herself.
Vern: Looks like we got a feisty one.
Meemaw: Don't test me.
Hortense: Oh, yeah, she's feisty.
Doris: What?
Hortense & Vern: She's feisty! [Meemaw closes the van door]
Doris: What?
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