June: This would be a lot more fun with margaritas.
Meemaw: What isn't?
June: Then you'd love the way I ran the PTA.
Meemaw: And you'd love the way I show up at church. [both laugh]
June: You're fun. We ought to go out for drinks one night. I'll give you my number.
Meemaw: Oh, yeah. Oh, well... All right.
June: I'm around tomorrow if you're free.
Meemaw: Uh, sure. You should know something, though. Um, I'm kind of dating your ex-husband.
June: You waited till now to tell me? You're sneaky. I like that.
Meemaw: That is not the feedback I usually get.
June: Well, since we're being honest, I knew who you were the whole time. That's why I came over here.
Meemaw: Damn. Nicely played.
June: So we're still on for drinks?
Meemaw: Oh, hell yeah.
June: Yeehaw.

Mary: Mom, can you make the salad?
Meemaw: Sure.
George: Hey, don't put in any of those little tomatoes.
Meemaw: Hey, I don't tell you how to impersonate a lump of clay. You don't tell me how to make a salad.

Meemaw: I know this is hard for everyone. It's certainly hard for me. But no one... is more upset with George's passing than the Lone Star Beer company. That flag is at half-mast. [laughter] On the other hand, there's a lot of cows out there that are breathing a sigh of relief. As the king of brisket has put down his fork and ridden off into the sunset. [laughter] And, uh, I'll tell you something...
Missy: Why are they laughing at Dad?
Georgie: 'Cause they love him.
Meemaw: ...that I always kind of kept to myself, but... I wasn't always a big supporter of George and Mary being an item. As a matter of fact, whenever he came to visit, I would always invite Mary's slutty friend Janice over, hoping to catch his interest. [laughter] Hey, Janice. Thanks for coming. You're a doll. [Dale looks back] Anyway... George only had eyes for Mary. And of course brisket. [laughter] And over the years, he surely earned my respect. He was a good man. [voice breaking] And I will always be proud... to call him my son.

Sheldon: Meemaw? I assume you've read the Surgeon General's report on the dangers of smoking?
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait till they turn it into a movie.

Meemaw: All right, come on, let's talk about something else.
June: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: A lot of people here like to talk about the game.
Meemaw: Really? You speak sports now?
Dr. John Sturgis: I sure do. Check this out. Hey, ref! I suggest you go back to referee school and this time pay attention in class!
Man #1: You tell him, Doc.

Georgie: Ready to go?
Missy: Yep.
Mary: Go where?
Missy: The mall.
Mary: What happened to asking for permission?
Missy: I asked Dad.
Mary: You know that doesn't count.
Missy: That's what he said.

Keith: How about we work in my dorm tomorrow?
Mary: Um, I don't know if a dormitory is the right environment for someone his age.
Sheldon: If you're worried about the beer-drinking, Dad has thoroughly desensitized me.