Dr. John Sturgis: You like it, and I want this date to be appealing to you, so let's order it.
Meemaw: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: I might enjoy it. I might not. But, uh, I'm willing to take that gamble. Which, uh, I'm given to understand you also like.
Meemaw: Oh, that little rat just told you everything, didn't he?

Meemaw: So, John, you ever been married?
Dr. John Sturgis: No.
Meemaw: Hmm. Ever been in love?
Dr. John Sturgis: Seven times.
Meemaw: Seven times? How come you never settled down?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, my feelings were not reciprocated.
Meemaw: Well, that's so sad.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not for them. They all seemed pleased with the outcome. Especially number four. She said she dodged a bullet.
Meemaw: That is a very brave thing to say on a first date.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why?
Meemaw: If there's a second date, I'll tell you.

Meemaw: There's something about him. I mean, he's smart as hell, and gentle and funny. Not always on purpose, but he's funny. I never met anybody like him.
George Sr.: Sounds like Sheldon.
Meemaw: Now, why would you go and put that thought in my mind?

Meemaw: Anyway, the point is, you don't can't go throwing gasoline on the fire.
Mary: Well, they started this fire, and now, they're gonna get burned.
Meemaw: I believe you've had enough coffee.

Meemaw: Brenda, this is, by far, the best bowling alley margarita in town.

Pastor Jeff: Now oftentimes, when we don't like someone, what's happening is we see something in them that we don't like in ourselves.
Brenda Sparks: What are you saying?
Mary: Really? That was over your head?
Pastor Jeff: I'm saying, y'all might have more in common than you think.
Meemaw: Well, don't say both their kids are "special". She [pointing towards Brenda] does not like that.

Meemaw: Good Lord. You mean he just showed up out of nowhere?
Mary: Yep. He's out in the garage playing trains with Sheldon.
Meemaw: [rolls her eyes]

George Sr.: Why's your hair wet?
Meemaw: If you must know, I was doing my water aerobics, and my swimming cap fell off.
Mary: This Sturgis fella didn't say a word to you?
Meemaw: If he did, do you think I would have been doing frog kicks at the YMCA?

Sheldon: Meemaw, you smell like chlorine.
Meemaw: Why say it?

Mary: Well, it was a pleasure spending the evening with you. We should do it again sometime.
Dr. John Sturgis: Great. When?
Sheldon: How about tomorrow?
Meemaw: [SPUTTERS] You know what, we'll figure it out. Come on, let me see you to your Schwinn.

Meemaw: Look, I know you're invested in me and John having a relationship, and I'm not saying we won't. But it ain't gonna happen with you always underfoot.
Sheldon: Have I been underfoot?
Meemaw: Honey, in order for grown-ups to get to know each other, they need to have some alone time.
Sheldon: What if I'm around, but I took a vow of silence?
Meemaw: Go home and have your breakfast.

George Sr.: So what do you think?
Meemaw: I think we might be underdressed.

Meemaw: You know, it's a long bike ride at night. If you want you're welcome to stay.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it's fine, I-I have a headlight on my bicycle.
Meemaw: Oh, sure, sure. Although, I hear it might rain.
Dr. John Sturgis: No worries. I have a pocket poncho.
Meemaw: So you do. John, I'm inviting you to spend the night.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. No, thank you.

Ira Rosenbloom: So, uh what do you think of that idea?
Meemaw: What idea?
Ira Rosenbloom: Going to New York. Maybe we'll catch a couple of Broadway shows, uh, see some sights.
Meemaw: Oh, Ira, gee I don't know. Seems like a big step.
Ira Rosenbloom: Is it? I think at this time of our lives, we should travel, see the world.
Meemaw: I guess.
Ira Rosenbloom: I mean, we're not getting any younger.
Meemaw: What's that supposed to mean?
Ira Rosenbloom: I mean, I mean, I'm not getting any younger. You, on the other hand, you are a blossoming tulip.
Meemaw: Better.

Dr. John Sturgis: Uh, what's going on?
Meemaw: Uh, can I call you back?
Ira Rosenbloom: I look forward to it.
Meemaw: You shouldn't.

Mary: Would you ever take Ira back?
Meemaw: I don't know. He's sweet as he can be, but there's just something about John. He's like a cute little teddy bear, you know? A brilliant, bicycle-riding teddy bear. I don't even understand half of what he says. But when he's not around, I just miss him.
George Sr.: Sounds like you're falling in love.
Meemaw: Maybe I am.

Meemaw: I don't want you talking to him about anything having to do with anything about us.
Same with you. And I want you to stop spying on me with those binoculars like you're on some kind of African safari. And you cannot talk to Ira or any of my ex-boyfriends, for that matter.
Dr. John Sturgis: This list is getting long. Maybe we should write it down.

Meemaw: How's he doing?
Mary: Been out here 20 minutes. This is his second house.
[When Sheldon tries to throw a paper towards a house, it lands behind him]
Meemaw: [chuckling] He throws like you.

Meemaw: And we're home.
Mary: Hey, Shelly. nGuess who's coming over tomorrow? Your new friend Paige.
Meemaw: Okay, I'm gonna go.

Mary: Maybe it's me. Maybe I did something to upset him.
Meemaw: What are you talking about? He loves you like crazy. Much more than he loves this one.
George Sr.: It's true.