Meemaw: All right, let's tell her.
George Sr.: Thank you.
Meemaw: But first I'm gonna tell her what you did at the picnic. Oh, Mary!
George Sr.: Okay, okay, shh. [SIGHS] I don't know how much longer we can keep this going.
Meemaw: I'm willing to find out.

George Sr.: I'm guessing you're mad at me.
Meemaw: Aw, forget about it.
George Sr.: I appreciate you not ratting me out about the picnic.
Meemaw: Well, we had a deal. Besides, your marriage is already hanging by a thread.
George Sr.: It is dangling there. All right, well, I'm gonna turn in. Good night.
Meemaw: Night!
[Meemaw phones Mary:]
Mary: Hello?
Meemaw: So, get a load of this. Last church picnic, your husband snuck in a six-pack, polished off the whole thing, then went to wait in line for the bathroom-
George Sr.: Hey. You got an extra toothbrush?
Meemaw: Under the sink, darlin'.
George Sr.: Thanks.
Meemaw: You got it. [returning to the phone call:] So then the big gorilla decides he doesn't want to wait in line, so he stumbles over to the church vegetable garden and proceeds to irrigate the whole damn thing.
Mary: I've eaten those vegetables.
Meemaw: Sweet dreams. [LAUGHS]

Dr. Edward Pilson: All right, we'll see y'all next Saturday.
George Sr.: You bet we will.
Meemaw: Good God, George, have a little dignity.

Dr. John Sturgis: Are you okay?
Meemaw: I guess I just didn't expect that getting rid of my my husband's stuff was gonna hit me so hard.
Dr. John Sturgis: He must have been a wonderful man.
Meemaw: [LAUGHS] Well, he had his moments.
Dr. John Sturgis: He was married to a wonderful woman, so that says a lot.
Meemaw: You're pretty wonderful yourself.

Meemaw: Okay, my turn. Um, I am so thankful to be able to watch my grandchildren grow up.
And I can't even tell you how much it means to me that y'all live right across the street.
And if y'all weren't, I would just be heartbroken. And not just heartbroken. Crestfallen and chagrined. And, uh, I'm also thankful for my health, that that mole on my hip turned out to be nothing, and, uh, I'm very thankful for John here, who has brought so much happiness to me.
That's it for me.

George Sr.: Well, it doesn't matter because you obviously went to your mother and made her your stalking horse.
Meemaw: Of course she went to me. Move to Oklahoma, what's wrong with you?
George Jr.: Wait, we're moving to Oklahoma?
Missy: I thought Texans don't like Oklahoma.
Meemaw: You're damn right we don't.
Dr. John Sturgis: What's wrong with Oklahoma?
Meemaw: I'll tell you later.

Dr. John Sturgis: Okay, rearview mirrors. Um, all set. Turn signal left. Turn signal right. Um, foot on the brake. Transmission in drive.
Meemaw: You have to start the car first.
Dr. John Sturgis: Of course. Sorry, I'm a bit nervous.
Meemaw: You're not alone.

Mary: She is my daughter and you will be punished.
Meemaw: Sorry, kid.
Missy: I wish I was your daughter.
Mary: Is that so? Well, guess what? You're sleeping here tonight because I don't feel like being around either one of you.
Missy: Great!
Meemaw: Yeah, great.

Sheldon: You claim that the only way to calculate the magnetic field in QCD units is using Maxwell's equations, but you're completely discrediting energy density.
Dr. John Sturgis: But you're still off. By a factor of 3.54.
Sheldon: Which would seem insignificant, but when examined closely, you realize that it's the square root of four times pi.
Dr. John Sturgis: Your point being?
Sheldon: Rationalized and non-rationalized units differ by four times pi. Anyone with a basic knowledge of electric and magnetic fields would know that.
Meemaw: I'm lost. Are we still being civil?

Meemaw: I hate to say it. But everybody's way out is at the other set of doors.
Sheldon: I have noticed. Why do you think that is?
Meemaw: Cowards. The whole bunch of 'em.

Meemaw: You know what you need to do?
Mary: Yes.
Meemaw: How's it going?
Mary: It'd be a lot easier to pee if you'd stop talking.
Meemaw: Sorry.
Mary: Now it's too quiet. Say something.
Meemaw: I know you didn't expect this, and you still might not be, but but if it turns out you are I'm here for you.

George Sr.: Can you believe it? Perfect score.
Meemaw: Good job, moon pie.

Mary: Will you help me, please?
Meemaw: Sorry, I'm not a part of this conversation.

Sheldon: Why can't I go there full-time?
Mary: Oh, baby, it's an hour away. We can't drive you back and forth every day.
Meemaw: I'm the one who's been driving him.
Sheldon: And she loves it.
Meemaw: How can he be so smart and so clueless at the same time?

Meemaw: I don't know.
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, despite appearances, I'm not some stereotypical absentminded professor who can't take care of a houseplant.
Meemaw: No, no, I wasn't saying that. Yeah, maybe I was.

Mary: You want to go bowl a few frames?
Meemaw: Don't you see me watching the Wheel?
Mary: You can just say "no."
Meemaw: No.

Meemaw: Well, that's unfortunate.
Sheldon: Oh, this goes well beyond unfortunate. It's flat-out unfair.
Meemaw: Did you not say that you love homework?
Sheldon: Of course I said it. I say it all the time. But she took it out of context and is using it against me.
Meemaw: Well, that is what happens in politics. People stretch the truth.
Sheldon: Well, those people are dirty dogs.
Meemaw: They certainly are. Now, let me ask you something. How bad do you want to win this election?
Sheldon: Bad enough to let 105 kids shake my mitten.
Meemaw: Okay, then you need to toughen up. Politics is not for the weak-kneed.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting that I fight fire with fire?
Meemaw: I am. So going to my room and crying in my pillow is not an option?
Meemaw: It is not.
Sheldon: Then I have some thinking to do.

Meemaw: What's going on?
Dr. John Sturgis: Don't you remember?
Meemaw: John, I don't even remember where I just parked.

Dr. John Sturgis: Which leads me to the final surprise of the evening.
Meemaw: What are you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hang on, I don't want to spoil the surprise.
Meemaw: Getting down on one knee, it makes it pretty damn clear.
Dr. John Sturgis: Surprise!

Dr. John Sturgis: I just think it's important for people to know that we're an official couple.
Meemaw: We don't have to be married for that. Buy a billboard, take an ad out in the paper.