Meemaw: So Oilers are a four-point favorite for this Sunday's game, but it's a home game, so I'm thinking I give the points. What do you think?
Sheldon: I think I have to tell on you again.
Meemaw: Go ahead. What's your mama gonna do, ground me?
Sheldon: Take the Oilers, give the points.
Meemaw: I love you, Moonpie.

Vincent: How you doin' there, Connie?
Meemaw: Hey, Vincent. What brings you to Louisiana? Wait, don't tell me. You're here to see Tony Orlando.
Vincent: 'Fraid not.
Meemaw: Oh, well, you ought to check him out. He'll, uh, knock your socks off.
Vincent: I like my socks on.

Meemaw: Want to try that again?
Sheldon: I need to buy a computer so I can solve the Navier-Stokes equation.
Meemaw: Uh-huh. How much is a computer?
Sheldon: Apple has a nice one for $2,000, but the kind I need costs three million.
Meemaw: Let me see what I got in the vault. Nine bucks and, uh, oh, look at that a peso.
Sheldon: It's warm.

Georgie: I don't see why I couldn't stay home.
Mary: 'Cause we're having a fun family outin'.
Georgie: Can I at least drive?
Meemaw: She said fun, not tragic.

Meemaw: Maybe y'all are being a little selfish about this.
Mary: Selfish? We're thinking of him.
Meemaw: Well, that's all well and good, but maybe you should be thinking about the whole world.
I mean, what if Einstein's parents had held him back? We wouldn't even have the- Well, I was gonna say atomic bomb, but there's probably a better example.

George: What other religions you considering?
Sheldon: Buddhist, Jewish, Hindu, Catholic, all of them.
Mary: Nope. Nope. That's not happening.
Sheldon: Well, why? As an American, don't I have freedom of religion?
Mary: Um-
Meemaw: Those dungeons and dragons are looking pretty good right now, aren't they?

Meemaw: Well, I got to tell you how happy I am that y'all are spending the night with me.
Sheldon: Your house smells like cigarettes.
Meemaw: So happy.

Mary: Shelly, baby, please come on out.
Sheldon: I can't.
Mary: Come on. I'm your mommy. Do it for your mommy.
Sheldon: No.
Mary: But I'm your mommy.
Meemaw: [LAUGHING] Y'all are killing me. [LAUGHING]: "I'm your mommy."

Mary: I'm really getting worried about Shelly. Acting out, and now quitting science?
Meemaw: Oh, I'm sure he'll get right back to it. I've quit smoking and gambling plenty of times. Hmm. Look in my purse. Nothing but cigarettes and scratchers.

Meemaw: You better make a whole lot of money and take care of me when I'm old.
Sheldon: I'm not interested in money. I'm interested in the pursuit of knowledge.
Meemaw: That is the wrong thing to say to someone who is spending her Friday night as your chauffeur.

Meemaw: Okay, this is you. Good luck.
Sheldon: Aren't you going to walk me in and get me situated?
Meemaw: Oh, yes, of course. Right this way, my prince.

Meemaw: You know, Mary has a tough job raising those three kids, with one of them being, you know, somewhat special.
Brenda Sparks: I can see that.
Meemaw: Yeah. And having a kind neighbor makes all the difference in the world.
Brenda Sparks: Well, we try.
Meemaw: And I know you know how stressful it is, seeing as how you have your own child who is special in his own way.
Brenda Sparks: What's that supposed to mean?
Meemaw: Well, I mean, hey, I know Billy is a terrific little boy, but I am sure he has presented you and Herschel with some challenges.
Brenda Sparks: If there's a weird kid in the neighborhood, it's your grandson.
Meemaw: Now, hang on, I said "special," not "weird".
Brenda Sparks: I heard you. I said "weird".
Meemaw: Okay, see now, Brenda, you don't want to go calling my grandson weird when I've just treated you to a margarita grande.

Brenda Sparks: There's no problem here, other than these two thinking that they're better than me.
Mary: I don't think it, I know it.
Brenda Sparks: I gave your mother a good smacking. I can give you one, too.
Meemaw: That's big talk from somebody with a comb-over.

Meemaw: Okay. I'll see you later.
Sheldon: Are you sure you don't want to stay with me?
Meemaw: I don't think so. I don't really understand this stuff.
Sheldon: That's how I felt when we watched Dirty Dancing, and I stayed.
Meemaw: When Patrick Swayze takes his shirt off in here, I'll be back.

Mary: I don't know. I just feel like something isn't right.
Missy: Mom! I got my hair stuck in my zipper!
Meemaw: That's the kid you need to be worried about.