Mary: And remember, if anybody bothers you, what do you say?
Sheldon: My dad's a football coach.
Mary: And?
Sheldon: My brother's a football player.
Mary: Good.

Mary: You're really making him live out there?
George Sr.: He's not gonna last one night in that nasty thing.
Mary: Have you seen that boy's room?

George Jr.: Where's Meemaw?
George Sr.: Not here tonight.
George Jr.: Why?
Sheldon: As I understand it, now that Dr. Sturgis is back from the hospital, he and Meemaw are figuring out how their relationship is going to work.
Missy: What does that mean?
George Jr.: Sounds like she dumped him.
George Sr.: Actually, he's the one-
Mary: Sheldon, didn't you want to talk about science stuff?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: Good. Do that right now.

Mary: All I care about is that my son gets the education he deserves, so you all are gonna have to figure this out.
Principal Petersen: Coach, can you help me out here, please? 'Cause I'm dyin'.
George Sr.: I'd rather not.

Sheldon: Meemaw got punched in the face because of me.
Mary: No, that wasn't because of you, and for the record, your meemaw gets punched in the face all the time.

Brenda Sparks: Yeah, um... Yeah, I'm gonna get out of here. You go see George.
Mary: What? No! You might have saved his life. He's gonna want to thank you.
Brenda Sparks: You know, that's nice, but I think it's best if...
Mary: Brenda, I insist.
Brenda Sparks: Okay.
Mary: Okay. Come on.

Dr. John Sturgis: So, uh, how's Connie?
Sheldon: Actually...
Mary: Sheldon, why don't you go save me a seat?
Sheldon: Smart. The front row is a hot ticket.
Mary: Anyway, uh, Mom's good.
Dr. John Sturgis: Because she's usually the one who brings Sheldon.
Mary: Well, she's been pretty busy lately.

Mary: The point is you deserve to be recognized appropriately for everything you've accomplished.
Missy: You can't give that to me in front of all the boys.
Mary: Why?
Missy: It's embarrassing.
Mary: Well, we have plenty of time. I can make the head smaller or the body bigger or a little bit of both.

Mary: I can't help thinking how odd it is that Shelly volunteered to go on a sleepover.
George Sr.: Oh, I don't know. He's growing up. It's natural for a young boy to want to spread his wings a little bit, try something new.
Mary: That's nonsense. Last week, I brought home the Raisin Bran with the sugar on the raisins. He almost lost his mind.

Mary: I just can't believe the church turned its back on us.
Pastor Rob: The church may have, but God didn't.
Mary: [sighs] I don't feel His presence right now.
Pastor Rob: Well, let's invite Him to join us.
Mary: Oh, ok-okay. [they hold hands]
Pastor Rob: Heavenly Father, we ask for Your guidance in these troubled times. Please, watch over Mary Cooper and her family, let her know that though this unborn child is out of wedlock, he or she is a miracle in Your creation and should be celebrated as such. Amen.
Mary: Amen.
Missy: [through the window] What's going on here?
Mary: Uh, uh, praying, we're praying. [lets go of Rob's hands]
Pastor Rob: Just praying.

Mary: And don't worry about a thing here.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you.
Peg: Oh, sure, we can handle the food drive, the bulletins...
Mary: And if you're not feeling up to it, I could even give the sermon on Sunday.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sure I'll be fine by Sunday.
Mary: You don't have to decide right now.
Pastor Jeff: I'll do the sermon.
Mary: We'll play it by ear.
Peg: Take a hint, sister.

Paramedic: You a relative?
Mary: No.
Paramedic: Friend?
Mary: I was trying.

Mary: How was your day?
George Sr.: Awful.
Mary: Oh. Well... I have good news.
George Sr.: I could use it.
Mary: I got a job at the bowling alley.
George Sr.: [gulps] Working with Brenda?
Mary: Every day. [phone rings]
George Sr.: That is... really... really good news.
Mary: Mm-hmm.

Mary: [on the phone] Well, you can't bring her home to an empty apartment. Bring her here, and we'll look after her until she's back on her feet.
George Sr.: You sure?
Mary: Of course. We'll set her up in Georgie's room.
George Sr.: Thanks, Mare. See you in a bit.
Mary: Hey, George. It's real nice of you, taking care of her like this.
George Sr.: Well, it was kinda my fault.
Mary: Kinda? It was all your fault.
George Sr.: Bye.

Sheldon: Is it difficult to see your mother go out with men who aren't your father?
Mary: Wow. That's a big one. Um I suppose it took some getting used to, but she's a grown-up, and even though Pop-Pop passed away, she deserves to be happy.
Missy: Just so you know, I'd be happy with one American Girl doll.
Mary: And we're done.

Pastor Jeff: Okay, before we finish up, I'd like to call up Mary Cooper, who has a few words she'd like to say.
Mary: Thank you, Pastor Jeff. As some of you might know, we lost a member of our congregation. James Gilford passed away earlier this week. If that name isn't familiar to you, don't feel bad, it wasn't to me either. But in the last few days, I've gotten to learn a little bit about him. He was married to his wife, Meredith, for over 45 years, he was a lieutenant in the Army, and, forgive him for this, a big fan of the Dallas Cowboys. [LAUGHTER] But even if you didn't know him, I hope that you'll still join me in celebrating his life this Wednesday at the American Legion. Thank you.

Gerome: What the hell? Punt!
Mary: Statistically, they're better off going for it.
Gerome: Says who?
Mary: My little boy.

Mary: Georgie, turn that down!
George Jr.: What?
Mary: (turns off the music) And look at this room. You need to clean this mess up.
George Jr.: I'll get to it later.
Mary: No, you'll get to it now.
George Jr.: I don't feel like it.
Mary: Well, your feelings have nothing to do with it. And stop throwing that ball.
George Jr.: My room bothers you so much, you clean it.
Mary: That's it! You are grounded!

Mary: Shelly, time to get ready for bed.
Sheldon: But I'm not done.
Mary: Don't you sass me, too, young man. Brush your teeth and get to bed.

Tam: Good evening, Mrs. Cooper. Can I speak to Sheldon?
Mary: No, you can't speak to Sheldon. It's late. He's in bed.
Tam: Oh. I was hoping he might like to go to a party with me.
Mary: Has everyone lost their mind? He's a little boy, Tam! Good night!