Professor Boucher: So, let me guess. You think I'm being too hard on him and you want me to lighten up?
George Sr.: He is having a tough time.
Professor Boucher: It's a tough class.
George Sr.: Look, I get it. I was in the Army, too, I-I'm all for being strict, but... he doesn't even know where he's going wrong. You know, maybe you could just point him in the right direction?
Professor Boucher: You mean, give him the answer?
George Sr.: No, no. Would you?
Professor Boucher: What do you think?
George Sr.: No.
Professor Boucher: See? I didn't give you the answer and you figured it out.

Adult Sheldon: Being a good entrepreneur, my brother realized his supply of my old tests was limited. So he did something else he was good at: lie to my father.
George Jr.: Dad, you ever use the copy room at school?
George Sr.: Sometimes. Why?
George Jr.: I need to make some copies for a school project I'm working on.
George Sr.: Uh, it's not really for students. You know, they keep it locked.
George Jr.: So, you have a key?
George Sr.: I'm not giving you my key.
George Jr.: Why not?
George Sr.: Well, because I know you, and therefore don't trust you.
George Jr.: I told you, it's for school.
George Sr.: Great, then bring it by my office tomorrow and I'll make copies.
George Jr.: Never mind. [walks off]
George Sr.: It's not on my key chain!
George Jr.: Dang it.
Adult Sheldon: It was however, in my dad's drawer at work, leading my brother to do something he had never done before: get to school early.

Umpire: Strike three, you're out.
George Sr.: There you go! Ha! That's how you do it!
Woman: Is that your little girl?
George Sr.: That's my little lady. [Missy spits on the mound] Well, sometimes.

Mary: The kids are asleep. You gonna watch that?
George Sr.: Well, it's MacGyver. He makes stuff out of other stuff. Why, did you want to watch something else?
Mary: I thought maybe we could watch a movie.
George Sr.: Sure, yeah, which one?
Mary: Um... I don't know. I heard that that movie Road House is supposed to be good.
George Sr.: What's it about?
Mary: I think it's about a guy, um... Dalton. Who's a bouncer who has to clean up a bar that's been overrun by a bunch of bad guys.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah, it's got that guy that looks like Georgie in it.
Mary: No, he doesn't.
George Sr.: [laughs] Are you kidding? He looks exactly like him.
Mary: Let's just watch MacGyver.
George Sr.: Cool.

Missy: Dad, Sheldon got hurt.
George Sr.: How?
Missy: A chicken chased him into a mailbox.
George Sr.: Course it did.

Mary: Shelly, you okay?
Sheldon: I fractured my ulna.
George Sr.: He's fine. I told you you didn't need to come down here.
Mary: My baby is in the emergency room.
George Sr.: Yeah, with his father.
Mary: Who let him get hurt.
George Sr.: Me? I wasn't even there. If anything, it was Missy's fault.
Sheldon: And Belinda Sparks.
Mary: Who?
George Sr.: A chicken.
Mary: What does a chicken have to do with this?

Adult Sheldon: I'm very much a creature of habit. Perhaps it's a trait I got from my father. Every night he would go through the mail, and every night, like clockwork, he would get very cranky.
George Sr.: Damn bills.
Mary: George.
Adult Sheldon: You'd think he'd get used to it, but night after night it upset him all over again.
George Sr.: Jury duty? Son of a...
Mary: George.
Adult Sheldon: It was complicated. I didn't like seeing him upset, but what can you do? I love consistency.

Adult Sheldon: My sister's crankiness did not dampen my enthusiasm. A chicken may have fractured my arm, but nothing could break my can-do spirit.
Sheldon: All in the bowl, none on me. I call that a successful urination.
George Sr.: Great. Go teach your brother.

George Jr.: Now, it needs a little bit of work, but once I'm done, it's gonna be amazing.
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: What do you mean? It's got low mileage, great stereo. Check this out. [opens side door] Look at all the room.
George Sr.: Hell no.
George Jr.: Why?
George Sr.: This isn't a car. It's a motel room on wheels.
George Jr.: Is that how little you think of me?
George Sr.: [scoffs] Yes. Maybe less.

George Sr.: [to Meemaw] Hey, when you take the shuttle, bring hard candy. They gobble it up.

George Sr.: Missy doing anything stupid?
Mary: No.
George Sr.: One out of three. Not bad.

George Sr.: Hey! Where do you think you're going?
George Jr.: Bathroom.
George Sr.: No, you're not. You don't live here.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: You want him making grandkids in that van?
Mary: You heard him! Get!
George Jr.: Dang it.

George Sr.: Morning, sunshine.
George Jr.: [exhales] What do you want?
George Sr.: Oh, just to see how you're doing.
George Jr.: I'm fine. Thanks for the juice.
George Sr.: Oh, this isn't for you. [drinks] Mmm. Mmm. [smacks lips, sighs] Cold and refreshing. So, how'd you sleep? You look terrible.
George Jr.: Are you done?
George Sr.: Depends. You ready to return the van?
George Jr.: This van's not going anywhere.
George Sr.: Don't you have to work this morning?
George Jr.: Crap.
[After George closes the side door and jumps into the driver's seat, he tries to start the van but the engine fails to turn over.]
George Sr.: Yep, it's not going anywhere.

George Sr.: I didn't know he was bringing his wife.
Mary: And of course it didn't even occur to you to ask me?
George Sr.: Well, no, but isn't that better than thinking about it and then not doing it?
Mary: They both make you a jerk.
George Sr.: [sighs] Since when are you interested in a coaches conference?
Mary: I am interested in a weekend at a nice hotel by a river.
George Sr.: Hotel is pretty nice.

George Sr.: And then Georgie accuses me of hating my job. Is this where I thought I'd end up? No. Is this where you thought you'd end up?
Coach Wilkins: I thought I'd be working at my father's funeral home sewing people's eyes shut. My life turned out great.
George Sr.: Well, good for you. [laughs] The worst part is, I think Georgie's right.
Principal Petersen: You're not happy at work?
Coach Wilkins: I can see if my dad's hiring. How are your sewing skills?
George Sr.: It's not work. [sighs] Honestly, I don't know if I'm happy anywhere.
Principal Petersen: Ugh. When I asked y'all to hang for a drink, I didn't know you were gonna be such a bummer. [laughs] Geez Louise.

George Sr.: What is that on your belt there?
George Jr.: It's my new beeper.
George Sr.: Why in the world would you need a beeper?
George Jr.: So people can get in touch with me.
George Sr.: Trust me, when you're not around, no one's thinking, "I must speak with Georgie this minute."
George Jr.: Hey, lots of people have these.
George Sr.: Yeah, doctors and drug dealers, and you're not smart enough to be either.
George Jr.: [pager beeping, vibrating] Excuse me, I'm being beeped. [dials phone] Hey, I was paged from this number. No, I'm not Bruce. Sorry. [hangs up]
George Sr.: Mm, sounds like you got a real emergency there, Bruce.

Pastor Jeff: Did you feel ready before Georgie was born?
George Sr.: Absolutely. Boy, was I wrong. Why? Getting nervous?
Pastor Jeff: Well, if I can't get a crib built on my own, how am I gonna be responsible for a human life?
George Sr.: Ah, you'll figure it out. And no sense in worrying about it 'cause you never know what kind of curveballs will come your way.
Pastor Jeff: I guess that's true.
George Sr.: Mm. The doctors could tell us we were having twins, but they couldn't warn us we were having a Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: You don't think I'm gonna...?
George Sr.: Oh, no. They broke the mold. But... you could go the other way and have a Georgie, so... some terror is called for.

George Sr.: What do you mean you quit?
Sheldon: It was beneath me.
George Sr.: You need to learn there's nothing wrong with a little hard work.
Sheldon: Hard work is calculating neutrino properties to one percent accuracy. Anyone can wash bolts.
George Sr.: You begged him for that job.
Sheldon: I assumed he'd realize the value of my intellect and put it to good use.
George Sr.: Hang on. You made a commitment. When you say you're gonna do something, you do it.
Sheldon: Well, he could find someone else.
George Sr.: Doesn't matter. This is about you being a man of your word.
Adult Sheldon: I wanted to point out that I couldn't be a man of my word, since I hadn't hit puberty, but he seemed pretty grouchy.

George Sr.: Oh... Boy, I remember putting one of these together for Georgie.
Pastor Jeff: It is great having y'all next door.
George Sr.: Did you not hear me yelling at Georgie last night?
Pastor Jeff: It's okay. I'm sure you'll hear our little one crying soon enough.
George Sr.: Missy was a crier. Sheldon just learned to talk and said, "Father, I have soiled myself."
Pastor Jeff: Well, he's a miracle in his own way.
George Sr.: Oh, you just put a positive spin on everything, don't you?
Pastor Jeff: Kind of goes with the pastor territory.
George Sr.: Okay. What if I said Mary and I have not had a real vacation since we had kids?
Pastor Jeff: I like to believe starting a family will be the most rewarding adventure of all.
George Sr.: You're good. [chuckles] You could not be more wrong, but you're good.

President Hagemeyer: George Cooper, meet Gary O'Brien, the antistatic furniture king.
Gary: Hello.
George Sr.: Shocking to meet you.
President Hagemeyer: Don't do that.