George Sr. Quotes

Quote from the episode A Musty Crypt and a Stick to Pee On

George Sr.: I didn't know he was bringing his wife.
Mary: And of course it didn't even occur to you to ask me?
George Sr.: Well, no, but isn't that better than thinking about it and then not doing it?
Mary: They both make you a jerk.
George Sr.: [sighs] Since when are you interested in a coaches conference?
Mary: I am interested in a weekend at a nice hotel by a river.
George Sr.: Hotel is pretty nice.

Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper

George Jr.: Dang it.
George Sr.: What do you think you're doing?
George Jr.: Trying to get the bike started.
George Sr.: Why?
George Jr.: So I can ride it.
George Sr.: Like hell you are! [to Pastor Jeff] Sorry.

Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper

George Jr.: You don't use it.
George Sr.: 'Cause your mother won't let me. And if I can't, you can't.
George Jr.: If I get it running, can I at least sell it?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: But it's just sitting here. What's the point?
George Sr.: Point is I said no.
George Jr.: I can't believe someone so lame even owned a bike like this.
George Sr.: [to Pastor Jeff] Why are kids such a pain in the ass? [Pastor Jeff is silent] I'm sure yours will be great.

Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper

George Sr.: Oh... Boy, I remember putting one of these together for Georgie.
Pastor Jeff: It is great having y'all next door.
George Sr.: Did you not hear me yelling at Georgie last night?
Pastor Jeff: It's okay. I'm sure you'll hear our little one crying soon enough.
George Sr.: Missy was a crier. Sheldon just learned to talk and said, "Father, I have soiled myself."
Pastor Jeff: Well, he's a miracle in his own way.
George Sr.: Oh, you just put a positive spin on everything, don't you?
Pastor Jeff: Kind of goes with the pastor territory.
George Sr.: Okay. What if I said Mary and I have not had a real vacation since we had kids?
Pastor Jeff: I like to believe starting a family will be the most rewarding adventure of all.
George Sr.: You're good. [chuckles] You could not be more wrong, but you're good.

Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper

Pastor Jeff: Did you feel ready before Georgie was born?
George Sr.: Absolutely. Boy, was I wrong. Why? Getting nervous?
Pastor Jeff: Well, if I can't get a crib built on my own, how am I gonna be responsible for a human life?
George Sr.: Ah, you'll figure it out. And no sense in worrying about it 'cause you never know what kind of curveballs will come your way.
Pastor Jeff: I guess that's true.
George Sr.: Mm. The doctors could tell us we were having twins, but they couldn't warn us we were having a Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: You don't think I'm gonna...?
George Sr.: Oh, no. They broke the mold. But... you could go the other way and have a Georgie, so... some terror is called for.

Quote from the episode An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles

George Sr.: And then Georgie accuses me of hating my job. Is this where I thought I'd end up? No. Is this where you thought you'd end up?
Coach Wilkins: I thought I'd be working at my father's funeral home sewing people's eyes shut. My life turned out great.
George Sr.: Well, good for you. [laughs] The worst part is, I think Georgie's right.
Principal Petersen: You're not happy at work?
Coach Wilkins: I can see if my dad's hiring. How are your sewing skills?
George Sr.: It's not work. [sighs] Honestly, I don't know if I'm happy anywhere.
Principal Petersen: Ugh. When I asked y'all to hang for a drink, I didn't know you were gonna be such a bummer. [laughs] Geez Louise.

Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey

President Hagemeyer: So... how do we get your son to cooperate?
George Sr.: I've been asking myself that since day one.
President Hagemeyer: Look, I don't mean to put pressure on you, but there's a lot of pressure on me, so I'm going to put it on you.
George Sr.: Look, I'm sorry, isn't there anyone else who can go to dinner with this guy?
President Hagemeyer: So I have a unicorn in my zoo, but I should trot out a goat, is that what you're saying? Would you donate a new library to have dinner with a goat?
George Sr.: What restaurant?
President Hagemeyer: Mr. Cooper, I need you to understand something. This university relies on donations for everything. For upkeep, for salaries, for scholarships, like the one your son is currently on.
George Sr.: I'll talk to him.
President Hagemeyer: Thank you. And when you go to dinner, wear real pants.

Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey

George Sr.: Hey. I just got off the phone with President Hagemeyer. This guy we're gonna have dinner with sounds pretty interesting. He made all of his money selling antistatic furniture for laboratories.
Sheldon: He's not even a scientist? He's just a furniture salesman?
George Sr.: Yeah.
Sheldon: What am I supposed to talk about?
George Sr.: Talk about whatever you want. Just... don't be insulting.
Sheldon: What if he says something I think is ridiculous?
George Sr.: Keep it to yourself.
Sheldon: What if you just said something I think is ridiculous? Because...
George Sr.: Okay, maybe we need to work a little on your conversation skills, like not calling people out for saying stupid things.
Sheldon: How am I supposed to practice that?
[cut to Sheldon answering the door to Billy Sparks:]
Billy Sparks: What's up?

Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey

President Hagemeyer: George Cooper, meet Gary O'Brien, the antistatic furniture king.
Gary: Hello.
George Sr.: Shocking to meet you.
President Hagemeyer: Don't do that.

Quote from the episode Cowboy Aerobics and 473 Grease-Free Bolts

George Sr.: What do you mean you quit?
Sheldon: It was beneath me.
George Sr.: You need to learn there's nothing wrong with a little hard work.
Sheldon: Hard work is calculating neutrino properties to one percent accuracy. Anyone can wash bolts.
George Sr.: You begged him for that job.
Sheldon: I assumed he'd realize the value of my intellect and put it to good use.
George Sr.: Hang on. You made a commitment. When you say you're gonna do something, you do it.
Sheldon: Well, he could find someone else.
George Sr.: Doesn't matter. This is about you being a man of your word.
Adult Sheldon: I wanted to point out that I couldn't be a man of my word, since I hadn't hit puberty, but he seemed pretty grouchy.

Quote from the episode A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles

George Sr.: What is that on your belt there?
George Jr.: It's my new beeper.
George Sr.: Why in the world would you need a beeper?
George Jr.: So people can get in touch with me.
George Sr.: Trust me, when you're not around, no one's thinking, "I must speak with Georgie this minute."
George Jr.: Hey, lots of people have these.
George Sr.: Yeah, doctors and drug dealers, and you're not smart enough to be either.
George Jr.: [pager beeping, vibrating] Excuse me, I'm being beeped. [dials phone] Hey, I was paged from this number. No, I'm not Bruce. Sorry. [hangs up]
George Sr.: Mm, sounds like you got a real emergency there, Bruce.

Quote from the episode A Pager, a Club and a Cranky Bag of Wrinkles

George Sr.: What's going on?
Mary: That was Dr. Linkletter. He says that Sheldon is spending too much time with him.
George Sr.: Better him than us, right?
Mary: [sighs] He's suggesting that Sheldon try and find some friends on campus.
George Sr.: Makes sense.
Mary: I'm just worried that he's gonna be hanging out with people who are drinking and going to parties.
George Sr.: Like he's gonna make friends with the cool kids.

Quote from the episode A Box of Treasure and the Meemaw of Science

Tam: Well, thank you.
George Jr.: Hold on now. I ain't just givin' it away.
Tam: How much?
George Jr.: Five bucks.
Tam: It's worth it. If I get another B, my mom will kill me.
George Jr.: Hey, I don't just sell tests. I bring families together.

Quote from the episode A Box of Treasure and the Meemaw of Science

Mary: Hey, I was thinking after dinner, maybe you and I could go out for a walk.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: Pastor Jeff and Brenda have been doing it, might be nice.
George Sr.: So go with them.
Missy: They didn't invite her. She was all upset about it.
George Sr.: [clears throat] Well, you get left out and I get punished?
Mary: A walk with your wife is punishment?
George Sr.: [to Missy] You're up, say somethin' fun.

Quote from the episode A Box of Treasure and the Meemaw of Science

Adult Sheldon: Being a good entrepreneur, my brother realized his supply of my old tests was limited. So he did something else he was good at: lie to my father.
George Jr.: Dad, you ever use the copy room at school?
George Sr.: Sometimes. Why?
George Jr.: I need to make some copies for a school project I'm working on.
George Sr.: Uh, it's not really for students. You know, they keep it locked.
George Jr.: So, you have a key?
George Sr.: I'm not giving you my key.
George Jr.: Why not?
George Sr.: Well, because I know you, and therefore don't trust you.
George Jr.: I told you, it's for school.
George Sr.: Great, then bring it by my office tomorrow and I'll make copies.
George Jr.: Never mind. [walks off]
George Sr.: It's not on my key chain!
George Jr.: Dang it.
Adult Sheldon: It was however, in my dad's drawer at work, leading my brother to do something he had never done before: get to school early.

Quote from the episode The Geezer Bus and a New Model for Education

George Sr.: [to Meemaw] Hey, when you take the shuttle, bring hard candy. They gobble it up.

Quote from the episode Mitch's Son and the Unconditional Approval of a Government Agency

Adult Sheldon: I'm very much a creature of habit. Perhaps it's a trait I got from my father. Every night he would go through the mail, and every night, like clockwork, he would get very cranky.
George Sr.: Damn bills.
Mary: George.
Adult Sheldon: You'd think he'd get used to it, but night after night it upset him all over again.
George Sr.: Jury duty? Son of a...
Mary: George.
Adult Sheldon: It was complicated. I didn't like seeing him upset, but what can you do? I love consistency.

Quote from the episode Mitch's Son and the Unconditional Approval of a Government Agency

George Sr.: Actually... I want you to represent us at the audit.
Sheldon: But I messed everything up.
George Sr.: You did. But I also know if anyone's smart enough to get us out of this, you are.
Sheldon: Why'd you change your mind?
George Sr.: No reason.
Sheldon: What did the accountant say?
George Sr.: Nothing.
Sheldon: They said my returns were perfect, didn't they?
George Sr.: Play with your trains.

Quote from the episode Mitch's Son and the Unconditional Approval of a Government Agency

Sheldon: I want to go home.
George Sr.: What are you talking about? We're not done yet.
Sheldon: Yes, we are. I made a mistake that's gonna cost us a lot of money that we don't have. I feel so stupid.
George Sr.: Hey. It's okay to feel stupid.
Sheldon: No, it's not.
George Sr.: It just means you're growing. If you don't look back and think you were dumb, then you, then you haven't learned anything.
Sheldon: So what do we do?
George Sr.: We get back in there.
Sheldon: What if we lose?
George Sr.: Doesn't matter... win or lose, we don't give up, all right? Now let's get in there and show 'em what we're made of... what do you say?
Sheldon: I've heard you give that exact same pep talk at football games.
George Sr.: Well, I didn't have a special one prepared.
Sheldon: That's all right. I feel properly pepped.

Quote from the episode The Wild and Woolly World of Nonlinear Dynamics

Mary: You really want to start this up again?
George Sr.: Wait, are you asking me what I want? Well, that's a first.
Mary: Oh, please, your whole life is doing whatever you want.
George Sr.: Oh, really?
George Jr.: I can just leave.
George Sr.: Did I want to get stuck coaching high school football? Did I want to live across the street from your mother? Did I want to spend my evening getting yelled at by my daughter and my son and my wife?
Mary: I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were so unhappy.
George Sr.: Because you never bother to ask.