Adult Sheldon: Being a good entrepreneur, my brother realized his supply of my old tests was limited. So he did something else he was good at: lie to my father.
George Jr.: Dad, you ever use the copy room at school?
George Sr.: Sometimes. Why?
George Jr.: I need to make some copies for a school project I'm working on.
George Sr.: Uh, it's not really for students. You know, they keep it locked.
George Jr.: So, you have a key?
George Sr.: I'm not giving you my key.
George Jr.: Why not?
George Sr.: Well, because I know you, and therefore don't trust you.
George Jr.: I told you, it's for school.
George Sr.: Great, then bring it by my office tomorrow and I'll make copies.
George Jr.: Never mind. [walks off]
George Sr.: It's not on my key chain!
George Jr.: Dang it.
Adult Sheldon: It was however, in my dad's drawer at work, leading my brother to do something he had never done before: get to school early.

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Sheldon: Dad, do you believe that fossils are millions of years old?
George Sr.: I guess. Why?
Sheldon: Well, Mom believes the world was only created 6,000 years ago.
George Sr.: Yeah. So?
Sheldon: Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?
George Sr.: Not at all.
Sheldon: Why?
George Sr.: Simple. We never talk about it.
Sheldon: So you just avoid discussing topics you don't agree on?
George Sr.: At all costs.

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

Dr. Linkletter: Perhaps we could create some sort of a cocoon to suspend it.
Sheldon: Out of wire?
Dr. Linkletter: Or nylon. But I wouldn't know how to weave it around a sphere.
Meemaw: I'm not a genius, but it sounds to me like what y'all are talking about is, uh, crochet.
Dr. Linkletter: I suppose we are.
Meemaw: Because with crochet, you can make all kinds of shapes.
Dr. Linkletter: Intriguing.
Meemaw: Hell, I even crocheted a cover for Jolene.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry?
Meemaw: That's my bowling ball.
Sheldon: She likes to name inanimate objects... it's odd.
Dr. Linkletter: Or whimsically charming.

Pastor Jeff: Get this. I drove past the Methodist church and you know what the sign out front said?
Mary: What?
Pastor Jeff: "Friendship, pirate ship, try the best ship... worship."
Mary: Clever.
Pastor Jeff: That was our sign last year! I wrote that!
Mary: Isn't the most important thing that it might get more people to go to church?
Pastor Jeff: But whoever did it has the sin of stealing on their soul now, so at least there's that.
Mary: There you go.

Dr. Linkletter: So, the problem that I'm running into is I can't get the inner sphere to remain suspended in the buffer liquid.
Sheldon: Have you tried wrapping the sphere in copper wire?
Dr. Linkletter: I did, but it just slips out.
Sheldon: Perhaps we could suspend it in some sort of sleeve.
Dr. Linkletter: That would prevent light from getting through.
Sheldon: Hmm. [strokes chin] I wonder if my thinking would be more effective if I had a beard to stroke. It's one of the few aspects of puberty I'm looking forward to.