George Sr.: You hang out in here?
Herschel Sparks: Sure. Once you get used to the smell, it's not so bad.
George Sr.: I coach a high school football team. This smells like petunias.

Meemaw: Had enough? You gonna back down?
Mary: No. He's real smart, but he needs to learn he doesn't know everything.
George Sr.: Woman, you are getting sexier by the second. Whew.

George Sr.: Will you look at that? What kind of dog chews through wood? Y'all are feeding him, right?

Herschel Sparks: What's going on?
George Sr.: Your dog got into our house.
Herschel Sparks: How the hell did he do that?
George Sr.: He pushed in a screen window.
Herschel Sparks: You think he chewed through the fence again?
George Sr.: All I know is Sheldon's yelling at the dog, and Mary's yelling at me. Now I'm looking at you in your underwear.

Herschel Sparks: Bucky got in their house.
Brenda Sparks: That's funny.
George Sr.: It might be funny one day, not right now.

George Sr.: You saw it. My own son can't even imagine me being a role model? How am I supposed to be okay with that?
Mary: You're a role model for Georgie.
George Sr.: I used to be. Now he wants to grow up and be Tony Danza.

George Sr.: I didn't forget. I just don't know how to spend time with her.
Mary: It ain't rocket science, George. She's a little girl. Ask her what she wants to do, and then do it with her.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. I suppose.
Mary: Trust me. She'll be thrilled to spend some time with you.
George Sr.: Okay. Yeah, I'll give it a try. Hey, when we do, you know, whatever it is she likes to do, you're gonna be there, right?
Mary: No.
George Sr.: Well, this just got harder.

George Sr.: Hey.
Missy: Hi, Dad.
George Sr.: What you doing?
Missy: Am I in trouble?
George Sr.: No, no. Just checking in on you.
Missy: Why?
George Sr.: 'Cause you're my daughter and I love you.
Missy: This is getting weird.
George Sr.: It is.

George Sr.: You know how much it's gonna cost to fix that fridge?
Sheldon: $200. I have really good hearing.
George Sr.: Do you have any idea how hard I work for the money we get?
Sheldon: I'm sorry.
George Sr.: I don't care how long it takes. You're gonna pay me back every cent of this.
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
George Sr.: I am very disappointed in you.

George Sr.: Can I interest anyone in something stronger than iced tea?
Barry: Oh, well, I'll take a beer if you have one.
Mary: Don't worry. He's personally keeping the Lone Star Brewing Company in business.
George Sr.: They did send me a belt buckle.

George Sr.: This is not making me feel better. Their kid is perfect.
Mary: And so is ours.
George Sr.: So we're lying to each other. Fine.
Mary: It's just nice to get to know another family who's in a similar situation as us.
George Sr.: And we're still lying.

Meemaw: Why don't you ask your father to take you?
Sheldon: Dad?
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: Can you please take me to Radio Shack?
George Sr.: I'm busy. Ask your meemaw.
Sheldon: I did. She said to ask you.
George Sr.: Well, ask her again.
Sheldon: Seems counterintuitive, but all right.

George Sr.: Well, I think it sounds nice.
Mary: Thank you. I'm gonna need your truck to get all the dirt and flowers and tools that I need.
George Sr.: Sure.
Mary: Oh, oh, almost forgot. Can you keep an eye out for a rock big enough to paint a Psalm on?
George Sr.: I can do that.

Missy: Why are you putting us to bed?
George Sr.: 'Cause your mother's out.
Sheldon: Where is she?
George Sr.: She's with your grandmother.
Missy: Where'd they go?
George Sr.: I don't know.
Sheldon: Why don't you know?
George Sr.: Because I'm here with you!

George Sr.: Okay, I know you're having a tough time with this, but you're doing great. You spend some time at Tam's house, you know, clear your head, and come back home refreshed.
Sheldon: And then I can tell Mom?
George Sr.: Oh, no, you can never tell Mom.

George Sr.: Okay, Connie, why don't we just come clean?
Meemaw: No.
George Sr.: You heard her. Now she's blaming herself. And Sheldon's so upset he's, he's acting like a regular kid.

George Sr.: Hey.
Dr. John Sturgis :Hello.
Meemaw: You got a minute? John has something he wants to talk to you about.
Dr. John Sturgis: I brought you kolaches.
George Sr.: Ooh, yummy.

Mary: And what about Missy? Aren't these tests gonna make her feel bad that she's not as smart as Sheldon?
George Sr.: [SNORTS] I'm not as smart as Sheldon. Doesn't make me feel bad.

George Sr.: And we could put the money aside for their college education.
Mary: That's a good point.
George Sr.: It's a great point. I don't have to tell you, times are changing. Kids are pitching in. Like that Webster kid on TV. He's making buckets of money for his parents.

Mary: Well I suppose we could give it a try.
George Sr.: There you go. I'll call Sturgis, tell him we're in. [QUIETLY] Baby, I'm getting a fishing boat.