George Sr.: Take your time, baby. The meter's running.

Mary: I do not like what this study is doing to Sheldon.
George Sr.: What're you talking about? He had a great time.
Mary: All the way home all he could talk about is how that doctor thought he was so smart.
It's not healthy.
George Sr.: Would it make you feel any better if I told you how much money we made today?
Mary: No, it would not.
George Sr.: $300.
Mary: Really?
George Sr.: Cash.
Mary: Okay, well, still, I I'm not interested in profiting off my children.
George Sr.: You see, honey, that's where you and I are very different.

George Sr.: Well, Missy won that round.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's actually not a contest, George.
George Sr.: This is Texas. Everything's a contest.

Mary: What do you think, baby?
Missy: I pick Red Lobster.
Mary: You got it.
George Sr.: Damn. There goes our per diem.

Mary: Look at this. We threw a party for heaven and nobody came. Not one person chose to be saved.
George Sr.: Well, did you tell 'em about the cupcakes?

George Sr.: You're gonna be fine. One good dump and you'll feel right as rain.
Sheldon: Can you please not call it that?
George Sr.: What, "dump"?
Sheldon: Yes.
George Sr.: You want me to say "poop"?
Sheldon: I want you to stop talking about it.
George Sr.: B.M.?
Sheldon: Dad!

Mary: Where is he?
George Sr.: He's fine. He's in the bathroom workin' it out.
Mary: Shelly, you okay in there?
Sheldon: No.
George Sr.: Give it a few more minutes. Eyes on the prize!

Dr. Gilbert: Y'all can exhale. Surgery went great.
Mary: Thank you, Jesus.
Dr. Gilbert: Sheldon's gonna need to stay here three, four days, which is standard, but, uh, after that he's good to go home.
George Sr.: Really appreciate it, Doctor.
Mary: Oh. We can't thank you enough for takin' care of him.
Dr. Gilbert: He's extremely intelligent, isn't he?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. He's our special little boy.

George Sr.: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: They wouldn't let me use the phone in the principal's office.
George Sr.: Who are you calling?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. It's a math emergency.
George Sr.: Don't you think you should've asked my permission first?
Sheldon: It's ringing. Yes or no?
George Sr.: You know what? I don't care.

George Sr.: Who you talking to?
Sheldon: A reporter from Time magazine.
George Sr.: No! He didn't mean it. God bless America.

George Sr.: What do y'all want for lunch?
Sheldon: Peanut butter and jelly, please.
George Sr.: Great. Missy?
Missy: Tuna salad on rye toast, with sliced pickles and-
George Sr.: Two PBJs, got it.

Sheldon: Hey, Dad. Can you believe I only started playing today?
George Sr.: I really can.

George Sr.: Uh-huh. Okay. I'll be right there.
Coach Wilkins: What's up?
George Sr.: Principal wants to talk to me.
Coach Wilkins: Ooh.
George Sr.: Grow up.

Principal Petersen: Gentlemen, good news.
George Sr.: I had a feeling.

George Sr.: Hey. He okay?
Mary: Yeah, he's fine.
George Sr.: How you doing?
Mary: Much better.
George Sr.: You know, I just been sitting here thinking how I drove an hour both ways to bring the two of them back. Pretty damn decent of me.
Mary: Come here. [Mary and George start kissing]

George Sr.: And then there was some extra money in the budget, so I was able to order those tackling dummies I had my eye on.
Sheldon: I don't understand why the football program gets so much money, while the equipment in the science lab is outdated and falling apart.
George Sr.: Oh, I can explain that. This is Texas. Pass the ribs.

Sheldon: Ooh! Maybe I can lodge a formal complaint with the school board about the sports budget infringing on the other departments.
George Sr.: Okay, last time: Canada, the other states, us.

Mary: You know that Veronica Duncan girl?
George Sr.: The one that Georgie likes?
Mary: Yeah. I was thinking about having her stay here for a couple days.
George Sr.: Is it Georgie's birthday or something?
Mary: No!

[As Georgie vacuums his bedroom]
George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: Documenting. This may never happen again.

George Sr.: So, uh, who do you think the Oilers are gonna take in the draft?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, I don't really follow sports.
George Sr.: I'm just gonna eat.