Meemaw: So you think he's seeing somebody else?
George Jr.: I don't think I should be talking about this. He's my boss.
Meemaw: Well, he's my boyfriend, so spill it.
George Jr.: It's weird when old people say "boyfriend".
Meemaw: Fine. My lover.
George Jr.: Well, that's worse.

Mary: Georgie, I need to talk to you, and wake up, you're gonna be late.
George Jr.: Got it covered. I sleep in my clothes.

Mary: He's just excited that Meemaw's dating a man he looks up to.
George Jr.: I wish she could date Tony Danza that'd be cool.
George Sr.: What is it with you and Tony Danza?
George Jr.: Well, the show doesn't come out and say it, but I'm pretty sure he's the boss.
Missy: I think the blonde lady's the boss.
George Jr.: Angela? Who's the oddball now?

Missy: I'm gonna bring a bunch to school.
George Jr.: How much you gonna charge for it?
Missy: Nothing. They're my friends.
George Jr.: You think Ronald McDonald let his friends eat for free?
Missy: Ronald McDonald isn't real.

George Jr.: I wonder who came up with blue raspberry. Raspberries ain't blue.
Jana: It should be blueberry.
George Jr.: You'd think. But blueberries ain't blue either, they're purple. The whole blue food situation in this country needs some work.

Mary: [inner monologue] Lord, please look after my family. Give them everything they need to be happy and healthy. And this lovely young girl with me tonight, help her stay on the path of righteousness.
Veronica: [inner monologue] God, please look after my sister. You can find her at the women's correctional facility in Lubbock. Help her seek salvation in you instead of cocaine, marijuana and bass players.
George Jr.: [inner monologue] Jesus, I'm sure, even from Heaven, you can see how hot the girl sitting next to me is. And I know I'm not supposed to pray for myself, but here's the deal: if you can get her to fall in love with me, and you know, make some bad decisions, I swear I'll come to church every Sunday.
Mary: [inner monologue] And thank you for bringing Georgie tonight, even though you and I both know why he came. Speaking of which, whatever he's praying for right now, ignore it.
Veronica: [inner monologue] And please protect me from impure thoughts, and teach me to respect the sanctity of my body.
George Jr.: [inner monologue] Now if for instance she and I were to go skinny dipping and one thing were to lead to another under the moonlit sky, get this: not only do I become a devout Christian, I will also bug everybody I meet to do the same. And you know I can be real annoying when I set my mind to it.
Mary: [inner monologue] Amen.
Veronica: [inner monologue] Amen.
George Jr.: [inner monologue] I'm gonna take your silence as a yes. Amen.

George Jr.: Ooh.
George Sr.: Found it?
George Jr.: No, this is her French toast.
George Sr.: You're not looking for French toast.
George Jr.: She does make it good, though.

George Jr.: There you go. I hope you enjoyed your shopping experience.
Man: I did.
George Jr.: I'd let the manager know, But he already does, 'cause it's me.
[later, to a woman holding a tennis racket:]
Woman: I'll take it.
George Jr.: It's been a pleasure to serve you.
[later, to an older man lifting weights:]
George Jr.: You might want to slow down. We don't have a license to sell guns in here. Just kidding, it's Texas. We got them in the back.

George Jr.: Then sings my soul, my savior God-
Mary: Oh, who do you think you're fooling here?
George Jr.: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Mary: Listen to me. Veronica has a rough family situation, and she's trying to improve her life.
George Jr.: And I admire that. Very inspirational.
Mary: Georgie, believe me, I'm glad to see you in a church, but I do not want you taking advantage of that girl.
George Jr.: Taking advantage? Veronica and I are Bible buddies, nothing more. I'm serious.
Mary: Right.
George Jr.: Maybe you should ask yourself what's in you that makes you see sin in the hearts of others.
Mary: Okay, now you're pushing it.
George Jr.: Lord Jesus, please help my mother with her anger. Can I get an amen?
Mary: No!

George Jr.: You know that movie E.T.? The kid who finds him, his name is Elliott, which starts with an "E" and ends with a "T". Coincidence? I don't think so.
George Sr.: You're gonna live with us forever, aren't you?

George Jr.: Where you going?
George Sr.: To get Sheldon.
George Jr.: Do I get a vote in this?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: Dang.

Meemaw: Me and the kids had a nice day. Watched a lot of football.
George Jr.: You know, the Dolphins' helmet has a dolphin on it. And that dolphin is also wearing a helmet. But his helmet doesn't have a dolphin on it, it has the letter "M."
Meemaw: We talked about that for an hour.

Missy: It's gonna be weird around here without Sheldon.
George Jr.: Don't you mean less weird?
Meemaw: That's not nice.
George Jr.: I wasn't trying for nice.

Sheldon: And then after you buy the house, you rent it out to people who are pre-approved by me.
George Sr.: I can't afford a second house.
Sheldon: Georgie, you make as much money as Dad. Why don't you buy it?
George Sr.: He does not make as much money as me.
George Jr.: No. But I don't have to spend mine on stupid stuff like food and kids.
George Sr.: Mary, where's dinner?
Sheldon: So, is that a yes to buying the house?
George Jr.: Sorry. When I move out, it ain't gonna be 20 feet away, and it's gotta have a hot tub.

Pastor Jeff: Mary, George, I can't thank you enough for this.
George Jr.: It was our pleasure.

George Sr.: Just go get your money back and buy a different car.
George Jr.: No.
George Sr.: Georgie, I'm not playing around.
George Jr.: Neither am I. I bought it with my own money, and you don't get a say.
George Sr.: As long as you live under my roof, I get plenty of say.
George Jr.: Fine. I'll move out.
George Sr.: And where you gonna go?
George Jr.: I'll live in the van.
George Sr.: [laughs] You know what? It was only a matter of time before you lived in a van. Have at it.
George Jr.: Scooby-Doo lived in a van, and he turned out fine.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I realize being here after ending my romantic relationship with Connie is unusual. So, as before, I'm perfectly happy to answer any questions that you might have.
Missy: I have a question. Can I eat in front of the TV?
Mary: Sure.
George Jr.: Let's get back to The Shining. When them elevator doors open, oh, man.

George Jr.: Don't they make babies that are born too soon stay in the hospital?
Mary: Normally, yes, but you were born with such a great head full of hair that they sent you home with us.
George Jr.: That's the first thing you've said that makes sense.

George Jr.: Can I at least change the music we play here?
Dale: What's wrong with the music we play here?
George Jr.: Nothing, it's just kind of grandpa music.
Dale: Well, how is this "grandpa music"?
George Jr.: Do you listen to it?
Dale: Yeah.
George Jr.: Do you have grandchildren?
Dale: Yeah.
George Jr.: Do you see where I'm going with this?

George Jr.: Just out of curiosity, when exactly are you and Mom leaving, and when exactly are y'all coming back?
George Sr.: You're not bringing your girlfriend here.
George Jr.: Excuse me for taking an interest in your life.
George Sr.: Besides, your grandma'll be here the whole time.
George Jr.: Never mind. Wait. So her house'll be empty?
George Sr.: Look, I used to be your age, but can you try thinking with your brain for once?
George Jr.: If you used to be my age, I think you know the answer to that.