Missy: I'm gonna bring a bunch to school.
George Jr.: How much you gonna charge for it?
Missy: Nothing. They're my friends.
George Jr.: You think Ronald McDonald let his friends eat for free?
Missy: Ronald McDonald isn't real.

George Jr.: Ooh.
George Sr.: Found it?
George Jr.: No, this is her French toast.
George Sr.: You're not looking for French toast.
George Jr.: She does make it good, though.

George Jr.: Did you know she puts vanilla extract in her whipped cream?
George Sr.: I did not.
George Jr.: Quarter teaspoon.
George Sr.: Georgie?
George Jr.: Yeah?
George Sr.: We're looking for brisket!
George Jr.: Cranky.

Sheldon: Schrodinger's cat is a thought experiment. A cat in a box is exposed to poison, and is both alive and dead until it is observed.
George Jr.: So the cat's name is Schrodinger?
Sheldon: No.
George Jr.: Well, what's its name?
Sheldon: Its name doesn't matter.
George Jr.: It does if the cat was dead. Otherwise, what are you gonna put on his tombstone?
George Sr.: Not likely the cat's getting a tombstone.
George Jr.: It would in a pet cemetery.

Meemaw: So you think he's seeing somebody else?
George Jr.: I don't think I should be talking about this. He's my boss.
Meemaw: Well, he's my boyfriend, so spill it.
George Jr.: It's weird when old people say "boyfriend".
Meemaw: Fine. My lover.
George Jr.: Well, that's worse.

George Jr.: Okay, in my defense...
Meemaw: You have no defense. You're an idiot.
George Jr.: That was a big part of my defense.

George Jr.: All right, I'm just gonna come out and ask it: what the heck is a colleague?

George Jr.: Ooh. I'm in time for dinner. Good. 'Cause I have worked up an appetite.

Missy: It's gonna be weird around here without Sheldon.
George Jr.: Don't you mean less weird?
Meemaw: That's not nice.
George Jr.: I wasn't trying for nice.

Meemaw: Me and the kids had a nice day. Watched a lot of football.
George Jr.: You know, the Dolphins' helmet has a dolphin on it. And that dolphin is also wearing a helmet. But his helmet doesn't have a dolphin on it, it has the letter "M."
Meemaw: We talked about that for an hour.

George Jr.: Where you going?
George Sr.: To get Sheldon.
George Jr.: Do I get a vote in this?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: Dang.

George Jr.: You know that movie E.T.? The kid who finds him, his name is Elliott, which starts with an "E" and ends with a "T". Coincidence? I don't think so.
George Sr.: You're gonna live with us forever, aren't you?

George Jr.: I wonder who came up with blue raspberry. Raspberries ain't blue.
Jana: It should be blueberry.
George Jr.: You'd think. But blueberries ain't blue either, they're purple. The whole blue food situation in this country needs some work.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I realize being here after ending my romantic relationship with Connie is unusual. So, as before, I'm perfectly happy to answer any questions that you might have.
Missy: I have a question. Can I eat in front of the TV?
Mary: Sure.
George Jr.: Let's get back to The Shining. When them elevator doors open, oh, man.

George Jr.: What can I say? I'm entrepreneurialistic.
Veronica: Is that a word?
George Jr.: I don't know. But if you got a lot of money, you get to make stuff up.

Mary: [inner monologue] Lord, please look after my family. Give them everything they need to be happy and healthy. And this lovely young girl with me tonight, help her stay on the path of righteousness.
Veronica: [inner monologue] God, please look after my sister. You can find her at the women's correctional facility in Lubbock. Help her seek salvation in you instead of cocaine, marijuana and bass players.
George Jr.: [inner monologue] Jesus, I'm sure, even from Heaven, you can see how hot the girl sitting next to me is. And I know I'm not supposed to pray for myself, but here's the deal: if you can get her to fall in love with me, and you know, make some bad decisions, I swear I'll come to church every Sunday.
Mary: [inner monologue] And thank you for bringing Georgie tonight, even though you and I both know why he came. Speaking of which, whatever he's praying for right now, ignore it.
Veronica: [inner monologue] And please protect me from impure thoughts, and teach me to respect the sanctity of my body.
George Jr.: [inner monologue] Now if for instance she and I were to go skinny dipping and one thing were to lead to another under the moonlit sky, get this: not only do I become a devout Christian, I will also bug everybody I meet to do the same. And you know I can be real annoying when I set my mind to it.
Mary: [inner monologue] Amen.
Veronica: [inner monologue] Amen.
George Jr.: [inner monologue] I'm gonna take your silence as a yes. Amen.

George Jr.: There you go. I hope you enjoyed your shopping experience.
Man: I did.
George Jr.: I'd let the manager know, But he already does, 'cause it's me.
[later, to a woman holding a tennis racket:]
Woman: I'll take it.
George Jr.: It's been a pleasure to serve you.
[later, to an older man lifting weights:]
George Jr.: You might want to slow down. We don't have a license to sell guns in here. Just kidding, it's Texas. We got them in the back.

Missy: I'm going to hell. I'm going to hell.
George Jr.: Relax. Not until you're dead.

George Jr.: Where's the water come out of?
George Sr.: Well, seeing as that's the dryer, nowhere.
George Jr.: Hmm. So this one's the washer?
George Sr.: No foolin' you.

George Sr.: How did I get a rocket scientist for one son and a rodeo clown for the other?
George Jr.: Oh, man. I'd give anything to be a rodeo clown. They make people happy, and they see the rodeo for free.