[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Dr. John Sturgis: Hi, Mary. I know this must be a hard decision for you. I can't tell you how to parent your child. I don't have children. But... I can tell you... that in all my years in academia, I've never seen a mind like Sheldon's. He's truly extraordinary. And if you let him come here, I promise we'll take good care of him.

Dr. John Sturgis: See, this is why we're great together. You teach me about social etiquette, and I teach you about beaver anuses.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLES] It is magical.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know "ani" is also acceptable as the plural of "anus"?
Meemaw: And the magic continues.

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, my little vicuña.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Well, hello to you, too. And more importantly, what is a vicuña?
Dr. John Sturgis: Only what I feel is the cutest camelid on the planet.
Meemaw: Well, I suppose I could ask you what a camelid is, but you're just gonna say more words that I don't know.

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello.
Meemaw: What- What're you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: I was doing tai chi and then I realized that I was continually being bombarded by subatomic particles and it behooves me, perhaps, to pay slightly closer attention to them. Maybe "chi" is the ancient Chinese word for the subatomic universe.
Meemaw: You're scaring me, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, there's nothing to be scared of. Tomorrow, somebody will win the Nobel Prize about these particles not me. But I'm experiencing them firsthand [LAUGHS] which could be better.
Meemaw: Why don't you come down and experience them on the floor?
Dr. John Sturgis: I think I just felt a neutrino. [LAUGHING] You know, neutrinos are interesting. They never bond with anything, they're always alone. I think that one went right through my pants.
Meemaw: All right, why don't we go downstairs, and I'll fix us both a nice cup of hot tea and you can tell me all about it. Please?
Dr. John Sturgis: Okay. It was my dream to win the Nobel, and I'm not going to. I bet Sheldon will.
Meemaw: That'll be something.
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah.

Mary: So, George is mad at me, and Sheldon is mad at me, and... honestly, I'm mad at me, too.
Brenda Sparks: Will you please give yourself a break? All that you do for that family, I am surprised you didn't crack years ago.
Mary: How do you handle it all?
Brenda Sparks: I'm sitting in a chicken coop drinking a wine cooler at 11:00 a.m.... clearly, I don't.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Ms. Ingram: Honestly... teaching Sheldon is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And I don't say that because he can be a pain. I say that because he's so intelligent, I had to study every night just to keep up. I'm gonna miss him.

George: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I want to know why no one told me about this recruitment letter from Caltech.
George: Let me see that.
Mr. Givens: All right, let's get me drunk.
Sheldon: Hi, Mr. Givens.
Mr. Givens: Aw, come on!