Dr. John Sturgis Quotes

Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

Dr. John Sturgis: I've been feeling the loss very profoundly and it's making me wonder if she also is feeling lonely and I made a bad decision for both of us.
George Sr.: I hate to be the one to tell you this, John, but, uh she's kind of been seeing someone new and, uh she seems to be doing okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: I see. [stammers] Is she happy?
George Sr.: Hard to tell. Her face is all scrunched up and pinched most of the time.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I hope this man she's seeing treats her well.
George Sr.: He seems okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: I also hope he gets lost at sea and never returns. I'm having a lot of feelings.
George Sr.: Well, when that happens to me, I have another beer.
Dr. John Sturgis: I haven't finished this one yet.
George Sr.: More for me.

Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, they scored another touchdown.
George Sr.: That's just a replay, John.

Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

Meemaw: I saw your bike outside, so I-I thought I'd just, uh, say hi.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's so nice of you.
Meemaw: I don't mean to interrupt or anything. I just wanted to check in.
Dr. John Sturgis: [to George] Would it be awkward if I asked her to join us?
George Sr.: Oh, couldn't be any more awkward.
Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like to, uh, watch the game with us? It's-it's football.
Meemaw: Well, sure. [chuckles] I guess a little visit wouldn't hurt.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent.
Meemaw: Let me guess, you brought the grapes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I did.

Quote from the episode Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib

Dr. John Sturgis: So, I understand you're seeing someone new. Tell me everything.
Meemaw: No!
Dr. John Sturgis: I assumed that, uh, as friends, we could tell each other about our personal lives.
Meemaw: Trust me, John, you-you don't want to hear about these things.
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, I do. Your happiness is very important to me.
Meemaw: Oh, what the hell. His name is Dale. He owns a sporting goods store. And we've only been out a few times, but so far, so good.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that sounds wonderful. Good for you.
Meemaw: Thank you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Now, would you like to hear about the women I'm dating?
Meemaw: You're dating other women?
Dr. John Sturgis: Heavens, no.

Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Why do you ask?
Sheldon: Do you remember Paige?
Dr. John Sturgis: Of course, brilliant little girl.
Sheldon: I know, but she says that she doesn't want to be smart anymore.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, perhaps she's experiencing some sort of identity crisis. Is it possible her ex is dating someone who seems better for her in every imaginable way?
Sheldon: I'm confused.
Dr. John Sturgis: So am I.

Quote from the episode Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains

Dale: So, Johnny, that's quite the outfit you got on there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thanks.
Dale: I just got one question. Where do the merit badges go?
Dr. John Sturgis: Because I look like a Boy Scout?
Dale: Yeah, that's kind of the joke there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I accept your jocular insult as a token of bonding.
Dale: Well, if you like that one, how about this? Uh, I haven't seen legs that white since-
George Sr.: Hey. Why don't we talk about something else?
Dr. John Sturgis: George, it's all right. You don't need to protect me. I can take it, and I can dish it right back.
Dale: Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on, babe.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hmm. It would help if I knew a little more about you. Were you, by chance, a bed wetter?

Quote from the episode Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains

George Sr.: Damn, John. Three already? What are you using for bait?
Dr. John Sturgis: I made it myself. It's, uh, cheese, garlic and a little bit of pig brains.
Dale: Pig brains? Where the hell you get pig brains?
Dr. John Sturgis: From the butcher. But you get some odd looks when you ask for it.

Quote from the episode Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains

Dr. John Sturgis: Fun fact: in Finland, they make a fire that's two long logs sitting on top of each other with a wedge of wood in between to let the air flow through.
Dale: Aw. That's your idea of fun, is it?

Quote from the episode Contracts, Rules and a Little Bit of Pig Brains

Dr. John Sturgis: Gentlemen. I'm no longer enjoying this outing, so I'm going home.
Dale: See ya.
George Sr.: H-Hang on, Dale. John, wait, you can't just leave. We're in the middle of nowhere.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a problem. I have my compass, a flashlight and half a bag of GORP.

Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub

Meemaw: John, this is June.
June: Hi.
Dr. John Sturgis: June. After Juno, wife of Jupiter and queen of the gods.
June: No, after the fact that my mom got knocked up in June.
Dr. John Sturgis: Ribald! Wonderful.

Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub

June: So you went camping with Dale? How'd that go?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I hesitate to speak ill of him.
June: I divorced him. Say what you want.
Dr. John Sturgis: Then, it was terrible.

Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] You know, the truth is, I'm-I'm still kind of heartbroken over Connie, and, uh, I was hoping if someone else liked me, it might make it hurt less.
June: Well, I don't know either one of you very well, but I wouldn't write off Connie just yet.
Dr. John Sturgis: Why? Did she say something?
June: No, but, uh, it's just the way she looked at you.
Dr. John Sturgis: See? That's what I'm terrible at. How do you people do it?
June: Look, I know she's with Dale right now, but we were married for a long time. Trust me, he's gonna screw this up.
Dr. John Sturgis: Follow up question: Should I mention any of this to Connie?
June: Mm, I wouldn't.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent. Bye.

Quote from the episode An Academic Crime and a More Romantic Taco Bell

Dr. John Sturgis: I'd like to end today's lecture with a hilarious physics joke. Why didn't the photon pack a suitcase? He was traveling light. [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon?
Sheldon: Ha, ha.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you. Class dismissed.

Quote from the episode A Second Prodigy and the Hottest Tips for Pouty Lips

Adult Sheldon: I wasn't getting the help I needed, so I turned to the smartest resource I knew.
Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Love is a funny thing. They say, "The heart wants what the heart wants," but I think it should be, "The limbic system wants what the limbic system wants."
Sheldon: Finally, someone's making sense.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, not to brag, but when it comes to unrequited love, I'm kind of an expert.
Sheldon: Well, when I talk to Paige, all she does is drive me crazy.
Dr. John Sturgis: There's a thin line between affection and aggravation. The Roman poet Catullus said, "I hate and I love and I know not why."
Sheldon: I'm not sure what to make of that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Perhaps it'd be more useful in Latin. "Odi et amo..."

Quote from the episode A Second Prodigy and the Hottest Tips for Pouty Lips

Sheldon: [on the phone] I just want to know if I have a crush.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, does your heart rate elevate when you're in her presence?
Sheldon: I suppose.
Dr. John Sturgis: Does your stomach flutter?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sounds like your limbic system might be doing its thing.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.

Quote from the episode A Black Hole

Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] I never cared for surprises. My meemaw, on the other hand, thought they were "a hoot." And it's a good thing, because instead of finding the paper on her doorstep, she found... [doorbell rings]
Meemaw: [gasps] What are you doing here?
Dr. John Sturgis: I wanted to surprise you.
Meemaw: Mission accomplished.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, good.

Quote from the episode A Black Hole

Dr. John Sturgis: Hi, Mary.
Mary: Hey, John. What are you doing here?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I lost my job. So while I'm figuring things out, I'm a bag boy. Although at my age, "boy" is pushing it. [laughs]
Mary: Aren't you a little... [whispers] overqualified?
Dr. John Sturgis: [whispers] Very.
Mary: Hey, why don't you join us for dinner this weekend. Sheldon would love to see you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, that'd be wonderful.
Man: [over P.A.] Cleanup on aisle two.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's me. Madge, can you finish up here? I have a date with a mop. [chuckles] [walks away]
Mary: [to Madge] He's really smart.

Quote from the episode A Black Hole

[fantasy:]
Missy: Daddy, I'm scared.
George Sr.: It's okay, baby.
Mary: We need to pray right now.
George Jr.: You do that. I'm having a beer.
Mary: Oh, everybody hold hands. Heavenly Father, watch over us...
Sheldon: I don't want to spend my last moments on Earth praying.
Meemaw: Yeah, if we only got a few minutes left, I want to spend it talking to y'all. You are all the light of my life. And I love you so much. [crashing outside]
Missy: Daddy. [hugs George]
George Sr.: Oh, I got you. I'm not letting go. I never said it enough, but I love y'all. Kids, you have made me a very proud father.
Sheldon: I'm not ready. There are so many things I want to do.
George Jr.: Well, you better pick one right now.
Sheldon: [panting] O-Okay, um... [hugs Mary]

Quote from the episode A Black Hole

[fantasy:]
Missy: And I just want to say I'm sorry for any time I was bad and any time I was mean to Sheldon.
Mary: It's okay.
Missy: It's just so funny when he's upset. But I'm still sorry about it.
George Jr.: I'm sorry, too. Dad, I've been awful, especially to you.
George Sr.: No, you haven't.
George Jr.: I have.
George Sr.: Well, we're good. [they hug]
Mary: Okay, we are done talking. I love you all, but it is really time to pray.
All: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven.

Quote from the episode A Black Hole

Missy: Is that really what would happen if there was a black hole?
Dr. John Sturgis: One of the possibilities.
Meemaw: Are they all such a bummer?
Sheldon: Not necessarily. There's a theory that an event like that could open a wormhole into an alternate universe.
George Sr.: So what goes on in an alternate universe?
Sheldon: Anything, really. It could be slightly different from this one or the complete opposite.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's true.
George Sr.: So if a black hole transports us to an alternate universe, w-would we even know it?
Dr. John Sturgis: Probably not.