Brenda Sparks: Oh, so you're spying on us. Good to know.

Mary: [on the phone] Hey, Brenda. It's Mary.
Brenda Sparks: Oh, hey.
Mary: So, we got Missy's invitation to Billy's party.
Brenda Sparks: Great. Hope she can make it.
Mary: But Sheldon's didn't arrive for some reason. Maybe it got lost in the mail?
Brenda Sparks: It didn't get lost.
Mary: What are you saying?
Brenda Sparks: I think you know what I'm saying.
Mary: So Sheldon isn't invited?
Brenda Sparks: See? You knew. Bye. [hangs up]

Mary: Anyway, I just wanted to check in and see how you're holding up.
Brenda Sparks: Working extra hours, being a single mother. Living the dream.
Mary: Want me to give you a hand straightening up?
Brenda Sparks: Sure. You got a bulldozer?
Mary: Maybe we just need to get your mind off things. Why don't we go out this weekend, have a girls' night?
Brenda Sparks: Really? Mary Cooper's gonna show me a fun night on the town?
Mary: Yes.
Brenda Sparks: Where we going... bingo at the church?
Mary: Not anymore. [chuckles]

Brenda Sparks: Hey, Mary.
Mary: Oh, Brenda. Love the haircut.
Brenda Sparks: Thank you. I was always afraid to go short, but I figured I already lost a husband. What's a few inches off the top?
Mary: Well, you look like a new person.
Brenda Sparks: I feel like a new person. I just needed to do something for me. It was either this or get a tattoo on my thigh.
Mary: I think you made the right choice.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I guess. I mean, who's seeing me naked these days?
Mary: Well, I wouldn't know.

Meemaw: Sounds like you and George had a crazy night, huh?
Brenda Sparks: What? No, we didn't.
Meemaw: He has a heart attack, and you get him to the hospital. That wasn't crazy?
Brenda Sparks: No.
Meemaw: Well, thank God you were with him.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I-I wouldn't say I was "with him."
Meemaw: You weren't?
Brenda Sparks: I was there, and he was there, and other people were there.
Meemaw: Okay. [chuckles]
Brenda Sparks: You know, I'm just glad that he's doing better.
Meemaw: Mm. Yeah. Well, it's good seeing you.
Brenda Sparks: You, too.
[Brenda rushes down an aisle with her shopping cart before stopping to look back at Meemaw]

George: Okay, give her a go.
Brenda Sparks: [engine starts] You're a lifesaver.
George: It's a gift.
Brenda Sparks: Can I offer you a beer and some thank-you cobbler?
George: Weren't you on your way somewhere?
Brenda Sparks: Weight Watchers. [George laughs] What do you say?
George: Eh, sure. Do guys ever go to those Weight Watchers meetings?
Brenda Sparks: Yeah, but they're all fat.

George: Where's your trash?
Brenda Sparks: Everywhere. But the basket's under the sink.
George: Mm. [exhales] You know your faucet's leaking?
Brenda Sparks: Yep, this whole place is falling apart.
George: Well... I'll come over another time, and take care of it.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. You know, you don't have to do that. One more?
George: I should get going.
Brenda Sparks: Well, thanks again. [the door handle comes off in George's hand] Want to buy a house?

Mary: And if you order right now, I'll throw in some extra concealer for half off.
Brenda Sparks: I mean, this is just allergies. Does it look like I've been crying?

Mary: Hey, Brenda, I was trying to do the books for the quarter, and I was having a little trouble making sense of it.
Brenda Sparks: You know, Mary, if... if it's too big of a mess, and you'd rather work somewhere else, I'd understand.
Mary: No, I'll figure it out.
Brenda Sparks: Great. So happy you're here. [Mary chuckles]

Helen: Oh, come on. It's bad enough this one's got her secret boyfriend she won't tell us about.
Mary: [gasps] Brenda Sparks. How do I not know this?
Brenda Sparks: First of all, I'm not Brenda Sparks anymore.
Jill: Oh, don't go changing the subject.
Brenda Sparks: And... there's no one.
Helen: She's lying. There's some guy that she was sweet on, but she won't give us any info.
Jill: [whispers] I think he's married.
Helen: Mm-hmm. [Mary gasps]
Brenda Sparks: He's not.
Helen: Oh, interesting. I thought there was no one.
Jill & Helen: Ooh...!

George: What the hell, Brenda?
Brenda Sparks: What the hell, what?
George: Your friends all know about your "secret boyfriend"?
Brenda Sparks: You think that's you?
George: Well... it's not?
Brenda Sparks: No, George.
George: Well, who is it?
Brenda Sparks: I didn't tell them. I'm not gonna tell you.
George: Okay.
Brenda Sparks: Oh, God. Are you upset that there might be another guy in the picture?
George: No.
Brenda Sparks: Good. Go home to your wife.
George: I will.
Brenda Sparks: Okay. [George exits] [chickens clucking] Shut up.

Mary: Any plans for your day off?
Brenda Sparks: Nothing special.
Mary: Not seeing your mystery man?
Brenda Sparks: Just give me my check.
Mary: I don't mean to pry. It's just, your friends think you're keeping him a secret 'cause he's married.
Brenda Sparks: There's no mystery man. And you're prying.
Mary: Sorry.

Mary: Is my husband your mystery man?
George: No. She's dating someone else.
Mary: How do you know that?
George: She told me.
Mary: Why are you talking to my husband about your love life?
Brenda Sparks: You know, Mary, you might want to be careful about throwing stones, 'cause I've seen your glass house.
Mary: What does that mean?
Brenda Sparks: I saw how upset you were when this one was on a date.
Pastor Rob: Really?
George: What the hell do you mean, "really"?

Brenda Sparks: Who was that?
Billy Sparks: Britney Perkins.
Brenda Sparks: She that, uh, chunky one with the headgear?
Billy Sparks: No, she's a cheerleader and her teeth are beautiful.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. And... and she asked you out.
[cut to Brenda knocking on the Coopers' front door, which Missy opens:]
Brenda Sparks: What do you know about Britney Perkins?

Missy: That's her right there.
Brenda Sparks: [exhales softly] She's cute.
Missy: And this was before her boobs came in.
Brenda Sparks: So, she's just messing with Billy?
Missy: She might've asked him out. [off Brenda's look] Okay, she's messing with him.