Brenda Sparks: Hey, Mary.
Mary: Oh, Brenda. Love the haircut.
Brenda Sparks: Thank you. I was always afraid to go short, but I figured I already lost a husband. What's a few inches off the top?
Mary: Well, you look like a new person.
Brenda Sparks: I feel like a new person. I just needed to do something for me. It was either this or get a tattoo on my thigh.
Mary: I think you made the right choice.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I guess. I mean, who's seeing me naked these days?
Mary: Well, I wouldn't know.

Mary: Shelly and this college stuff is killing me. I... I never went to college. How can I prepare him?
Brenda Sparks: Mary, if that kid is smart enough to have colleges wanting him already, he's got to be smart enough to figure it out.
Mary: Maybe. It still hurts to hear him say he wants to leave.
Brenda Sparks: I bet. On the other hand, I'm worried my Billy will never be ready to leave.
Mary: Oh, of course he will.
Brenda Sparks: Damn. Smoking, drinking, lying. You're covering all the sins today.

Mary: So, George is mad at me, and Sheldon is mad at me, and... honestly, I'm mad at me, too.
Brenda Sparks: Will you please give yourself a break? All that you do for that family, I am surprised you didn't crack years ago.
Mary: How do you handle it all?
Brenda Sparks: I'm sitting in a chicken coop drinking a wine cooler at 11:00 a.m.... clearly, I don't.

Mary: Hey, Brenda.
Brenda Sparks: She didn't want you to walk her in?
Mary: No. How about Billy?
Brenda Sparks: Oh, I walked him in. Found his homeroom. Explained that "homeroom" is different than his room at home. Still not sure he gets it.
Mary: Tough day.
Brenda Sparks: Yeah.
Mary: You want to get some coffee?
Brenda Sparks: I was thinking vodka, but coffee will do.

Adult Sheldon: I've never been good at sharing. I had to share a womb...
Missy: [over ultrasound video] Ow.
Sheldon: [over ultrasound video] Ow.
["Rico Suave" by Gerardo playing over headphones]
Adult Sheldon: ...a bedroom...
Missy: ♪ Rico...♪
Adult Sheldon: Even my train room had Georgie's sweaty weight bench in it.
George Jr.: Come on, George. One more. Feel the burn, big boy. Feel the burn.
Adult Sheldon: But when it came to academics, the spotlight was all mine.
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, having you here has been a real boon to this university.
Adult Sheldon: [spotlight shines on Sheldon] I did love basking in its glow.
President Hagemeyer: So we could really use your help in raising the school's profile even higher.
Sheldon: Of course. My intellect is at your service.
President Hagemeyer: Excellent. There is another young physics prodigy we want you to help us recruit. Her name is Paige Swanson. [electricity crackles]

Sheldon: But you don't need another child prodigy. You've already got me.
President Hagemeyer: And you have been... [scoffs] so great. Just imagine what it'd be like having two of you.
Sheldon: Well, why would you want two of me? I mean, I've heard even one of me is a lot to handle.
President Hagemeyer: Well, you're not afraid of a little competition, are you?
Sheldon: From Paige? Hardly. But I should warn you, she can be very difficult.
President Hagemeyer: Well, luckily I've had some practice with that lately.
Sheldon: And how do you handle it?
President Hagemeyer: Usually I, uh, play to their egos. You know, make them feel like the smartest person in the room.
Sheldon: And they fall for that?
President Hagemeyer: Well... [chuckles] not everyone's as smart as you, Sheldon.

Mary: Well, this time I'm actually gonna get a haircut. I had a little accident.
June: Uh-oh, what happened?
Mary: Well, I was sewing and got to daydreaming...
[flashback to Mary working on the sewing machine before she starts to fantasize:]
[fantasy: Missy, Georgie and George are wearing clothes Mary made:]
Missy: I love it. You can make all my clothes from now on.
George Jr.: I'm-a wear this to the prom.
George Sr.: I was wrong, honey, you really are good at this. Boy, am I dumb.
[reality:]
[sewing machine clacking]
Mary: George! George! Help!
George Sr.: What? What's the matter?
Mary: My hair got tangled in the machine.
George Sr.: So pull it out.
Mary: Don't you think I thought of that?!
George Sr.: Well, what do you want me to do? All right, don't move.
[back:]
Mary: And here we are.
June: Okay. Let's get that hat off and see what we're dealing with.
Mary: I don't want to.
June: Oh, come on. I've been doing this a long time. I promise you I've seen worse. Oh... [chortles] That's not bad at all.