Brenda Sparks: Hey, Mary.
Mary: Oh, Brenda. Love the haircut.
Brenda Sparks: Thank you. I was always afraid to go short, but I figured I already lost a husband. What's a few inches off the top?
Mary: Well, you look like a new person.
Brenda Sparks: I feel like a new person. I just needed to do something for me. It was either this or get a tattoo on my thigh.
Mary: I think you made the right choice.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I guess. I mean, who's seeing me naked these days?
Mary: Well, I wouldn't know.

Mary: So, George is mad at me, and Sheldon is mad at me, and... honestly, I'm mad at me, too.
Brenda Sparks: Will you please give yourself a break? All that you do for that family, I am surprised you didn't crack years ago.
Mary: How do you handle it all?
Brenda Sparks: I'm sitting in a chicken coop drinking a wine cooler at 11:00 a.m.... clearly, I don't.

Billy Sparks: Pastor Jeff, do chickens go to heaven?
Pastor Jeff: Well, the Bible doesn't say much about the souls of animals, but I like to believe that God loves all his creatures. Why?
Billy Sparks: My dad wants to eat Matilda.
Brenda Sparks: It's not as bad as it sounds. She stopped laying eggs, so it's off with her head and into the fryer.
Pastor Jeff: Well, I will pray for her little chicken soul.
Brenda Sparks: [chuckles] Just pray she's juicy.

Mandy: [gasps] Oh, a nursing bra. "Includes removable pads to prevent leakage." Wow. Thanks. That's... really thoughtful.
Brenda Sparks: Mine dripped like a faucet.
Missy: Wait, I have a question.
Mary: Please ask it later.

President Hagemeyer: I must tell you that Sheldon was very excited to hear that you might be joining us.
Linda: Well, isn't he sweet?
Paige: He's a peach.
Sheldon: All right, I'm here. [to Hagemeyer] Hello. [to Linda] Hello. [coldly to Paige] Hello.
Paige: Hi, Sheldon. I'm so excited for you to show me around campus today.
Sheldon: The only reason I'm doing it is because...
President Hagemeyer: He's excited to do it, I'm excited he's doing it. Are you excited?
Linda: Sure.
President Hagemeyer: Everyone's excited. Yay.
Sheldon: [sighs] Come on, let's go.
Paige: You and me, together again. It just feels right, doesn't it? [Sheldon grumbles]

Adult Sheldon: I wasn't getting the help I needed, so I turned to the smartest resource I knew.
Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] Love is a funny thing. They say, "The heart wants what the heart wants," but I think it should be, "The limbic system wants what the limbic system wants."
Sheldon: Finally, someone's making sense.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, not to brag, but when it comes to unrequited love, I'm kind of an expert.
Sheldon: Well, when I talk to Paige, all she does is drive me crazy.
Dr. John Sturgis: There's a thin line between affection and aggravation. The Roman poet Catullus said, "I hate and I love and I know not why."
Sheldon: I'm not sure what to make of that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Perhaps it'd be more useful in Latin. "Odi et amo..."

Adult Sheldon: I've never been good at sharing. I had to share a womb...
Missy: [over ultrasound video] Ow.
Sheldon: [over ultrasound video] Ow.
["Rico Suave" by Gerardo playing over headphones]
Adult Sheldon: ...a bedroom...
Missy: ♪ Rico...♪
Adult Sheldon: Even my train room had Georgie's sweaty weight bench in it.
Georgie: Come on, George. One more. Feel the burn, big boy. Feel the burn.
Adult Sheldon: But when it came to academics, the spotlight was all mine.
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, having you here has been a real boon to this university.
Adult Sheldon: [spotlight shines on Sheldon] I did love basking in its glow.
President Hagemeyer: So we could really use your help in raising the school's profile even higher.
Sheldon: Of course. My intellect is at your service.
President Hagemeyer: Excellent. There is another young physics prodigy we want you to help us recruit. Her name is Paige Swanson. [electricity crackles]