Meemaw: Sounds like you and George had a crazy night, huh?
Brenda Sparks: What? No, we didn't.
Meemaw: He has a heart attack, and you get him to the hospital. That wasn't crazy?
Brenda Sparks: No.
Meemaw: Well, thank God you were with him.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I-I wouldn't say I was "with him."
Meemaw: You weren't?
Brenda Sparks: I was there, and he was there, and other people were there.
Meemaw: Okay. [chuckles]
Brenda Sparks: You know, I'm just glad that he's doing better.
Meemaw: Mm. Yeah. Well, it's good seeing you.
Brenda Sparks: You, too.
[Brenda rushes down an aisle with her shopping cart before stopping to look back at Meemaw]

Mary: So, George is mad at me, and Sheldon is mad at me, and... honestly, I'm mad at me, too.
Brenda Sparks: Will you please give yourself a break? All that you do for that family, I am surprised you didn't crack years ago.
Mary: How do you handle it all?
Brenda Sparks: I'm sitting in a chicken coop drinking a wine cooler at 11:00 a.m.... clearly, I don't.

Billy Sparks: Pastor Jeff, do chickens go to heaven?
Pastor Jeff: Well, the Bible doesn't say much about the souls of animals, but I like to believe that God loves all his creatures. Why?
Billy Sparks: My dad wants to eat Matilda.
Brenda Sparks: It's not as bad as it sounds. She stopped laying eggs, so it's off with her head and into the fryer.
Pastor Jeff: Well, I will pray for her little chicken soul.
Brenda Sparks: [chuckles] Just pray she's juicy.

Mandy: [gasps] Oh, a nursing bra. "Includes removable pads to prevent leakage." Wow. Thanks. That's... really thoughtful.
Brenda Sparks: Mine dripped like a faucet.
Missy: Wait, I have a question.
Mary: Please ask it later.

Missy: Do you believe in God?
Georgie: Yeah.
Missy: But in the Bible, he does all kinds of mean stuff. If he's good, why would he do that?
Georgie: Maybe he just wants to show he's in charge. Hulk Hogan's nice, but in the ring, he will mess you up.
Missy: That's either really smart or really stupid.
Georgie: That's what I do.
Missy: Do you ever wonder if it's all made-up?
Georgie: Look, this is Texas. We like football. We like God. And beef. Beef's up there, too.
Missy: But how do you know there's a God?
Georgie: See that girl dancing in them shorts? There's a God.

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Mary: We're hiring a youth pastor.
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: To help get young kids excited about God.
Missy: The same God who lets babies get thrown in rivers?
Mary: What?
Sheldon: We covered Moses in Sunday school.
Mary: Oh. Well, that was Old Testament God. He gets more fun later.