Adult Sheldon: In Texas, the Holy Trinity is God, football and barbeque, not necessarily in that order.

George: Damn it. I've had enough of this. Sheldon, get up.
Sheldon: What's the point?
George: We're going to Houston.
Sheldon: Really?
George: Yeah. You and me are gonna give those space monkeys a little talkin' to.
Adult Sheldon: I often found my father to be a strange and puzzling man, but at that moment, I never loved him more.

Mary: You're a good dad.
George: If I don't kill one of them before Sunday, I'm a good dad.

Sheldon: Schrodinger's cat is a thought experiment. A cat in a box is exposed to poison, and is both alive and dead until it is observed.
Georgie: So the cat's name is Schrodinger?
Sheldon: No.
Georgie: Well, what's its name?
Sheldon: Its name doesn't matter.
Georgie: It does if the cat was dead. Otherwise, what are you gonna put on his tombstone?
George: Not likely the cat's getting a tombstone.
Georgie: It would in a pet cemetery.

Adult Sheldon: Despite my explanation that I was embracing my inner Kirk, my mother had me make amends for all my misdeeds. Starting in the library, where I had to reshelve hundreds of books. Well, to be honest, that one was a hoot.

Sheldon: And this program will allow us to track our family finances, create a budget, and prepare tax documents.
George: That's impressive.
Sheldon: Would you like to know how much money you spend on beer annually?
George: No.
Mary: I would.
Sheldon: $936.
Mary: George!
Sheldon: If you switched to Hawaiian Punch, we could live in a bigger house.

Meemaw: Oh, Lord, I think I'm gonna wet myself.

Adult Sheldon: Existing in a world of predators isn't easy, but we prey have developed several natural defenses to help us survive. There's playing dead, warning calls, camouflage, and, last but certainly not least, good old-fashioned running away. A little screaming never hurts either.

Adult Sheldon: In that moment, I was so angry with her, I almost opened the jar.

Meemaw: This is delicious, but you were not kidding about the spice. I'm about to break a sweat here.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, here's something you might find interesting. Spicy food is typically found in warmer climates because it induces sweating, which in turn, cools people off.
Meemaw: So what does the runny nose do for me?
Dr. John Sturgis: It allows me to, uh, gallantly offer you my handkerchief.
Meemaw: You are such a gentleman.
Dr. John Sturgis: When I was younger, I read a book on etiquette. That's how I know that if I ever have an audience at the Vatican, I should wear evening attire or a sack coat.
Meemaw: I don't know what a sack coat is, but I'm sure you'd look handsome in it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

Georgie: Would you feel more confident if I told you I already know how to drive?
George: Video games don't count.
Georgie: I'll have you know I've driven Meemaw's car. I also drove your truck one night while you were sleeping.
George: Are you crazy?!
Georgie: I parked it and everything, you had no idea.
George: Okay, let let me get this straight. You're trying to prove to me that you're a responsible person by admitting you stole my truck.
Georgie: I said I was responsible, never said I was smart.

Mary: And you. Getting baptized just to kiss a girl? What were you thinking?
Georgie: Sounds like you know what I was thinking.

George: What's going on? You all right?
Mary: I'm not feeling great.
George: Is it a pregnant thing? 'Cause I got some good news on that. I got a decent raise.
Mary: It doesn't matter.
George: What do you mean it doesn't matter? We can pull this off now.
Mary: I lost the baby.
George: Oh.
Mary: You're probably relieved, huh?
George: Actually no. I love the first three. Fourth one's a charm, right?

Sheldon: Do you believe there's intelligent life in the universe?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have no doubt.
Sheldon: Why is that?
Dr. John Sturgis: The Drake Equation claims that there are at least 20 detectable civilizations in our Milky Way galaxy alone.
Sheldon: Interesting. My sister likes to say that I'm an alien.
Dr. John Sturgis: I've often been called that. Once by the praying mantis in my dream.
Sheldon: Maybe we are aliens.
Dr. John Sturgis: Perhaps. Or maybe people like you and me were the original inhabitants of Earth, and everyone else is from outer space.
Sheldon: Ooh, I like that better.

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] So how can I help?
Sheldon: I posted a theory on the collapse of wave function. We've been arguing back and forth and he's saying that my probabilities come out negative.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hmm. I see. Have you considered that negative probabilities can still have meaning?
Sheldon: Ooh, I hadn't. That suggests another idea. I can argue that negative probabilities only show up in intermediate steps. I'm gonna destroy him with this.
Dr. John Sturgis: And when you do, feel free to call him a Scarabaeus viettei, a dung beetle.
Sheldon: Oh, I so admire your mind.
Dr. John Sturgis: Back at you, little man.