Mrs. Costello: Okay, let's see. What about Caltech in Pasadena?
Sheldon: I can't see myself living in California. I don't trust their carefree lifestyle.

Sheldon: You're sitting in my spot.
Tam: Why is it your spot?
Sheldon: It's complicated. Just move.

[Sheldon is throwing laundry in the dryer]
Mary: What am I supposed to do with this?
Meemaw: Send him over to my house before he runs out of gas.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Mary: It's not funny.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, now. Sheldon in detention? That's funny.

Mary: That's enough. Now, let's pray.
Sheldon: A moment please.
George: Hmm.
Mary: Leave him be.
George: He can hold hands with his family. It won't kill him.
Sheldon: We don't know that.

Meemaw: Listen to me, buster.
Sheldon: Okay.
Meemaw: You are a lot of things, Sheldon. You are cute, smart, hygienic. But most of all you are a Texan.
Sheldon: So?
Meemaw: So Texans aren't afraid of nothin'! Rattlesnakes, Indians, the Mexican Army. Do you imagine that Sam Houston was scared of a little old cold?
Sheldon: No.
Meemaw: Jim Bowie?
Sheldon: No.
Meemaw: Sissy Spacek?
Sheldon: I guess not?
Meemaw: You're damn right, because they're Texans through and through. Now I want you to quit hiding in this plastic bubble, and I want you to come out here and eat your cookies out in the world like a man! Like a Texan man!

Sheldon: Mom, I was going through our expenditures and noticed our grocery bills are up 12% compared to last quarter. Any idea why?
George: There's a person at the end of the table that eats for free.
Meemaw: There's a person at the other end of the table that eats for three.

Missy: Why don't you believe in God? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: Because science explains the universe without the need of inventing a supernatural being.
Missy: But how do you know for sure He doesn't exist?
Sheldon: Ooh. [raises hand]
Missy: Stop that.
Sheldon: The burden of proof isn't on me. If I said there was an invisible monkey in the room with us, you shouldn't believe me just because you can't prove me wrong.

Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like me to sing a cowboy song while we sit around our makeshift campfire?
Sheldon: I would like that.
Dr. John Sturgis: [singing] Oh, pity the cowboy, All bloody and red, For the bronco fell on him, And bashed in his head, There was blood on the saddle, And blood all around, And a great big puddle of blood, On the ground.

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Listen to this. "French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal, argued a rational person should believe God exists because you have everything to gain if you're right, and nothing to lose if you're wrong."
Missy: Sounds right.

Sheldon: Georgie, did you wash your hands before dinner? Or even this week?
Georgie: None of your business.
Sheldon: Hence the mittens.

Sheldon: Why don't we ask somebody for directions?
Georgie: Because we're children in a car, genius.

Adult Sheldon: Just like that, I overcame my fear of choking. All that was left was my fear of dogs, birds, insects, germs, hugging, button fly pants, rivers, ponds, lakes, oceans, estuaries, corduroy, root vegetables, squeaky balloons, tinted windows, take a penny, leave a penny, fireworks, potbelly stoves, dust bunnies, that fuzz on peaches.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, First National Bank. I'd like to speak with a loan officer. It's regarding a second mortgage on my home. My name is Sheldon Lee Cooper. Sure, I'll hold. Oh, I hate hold music.