Sheldon: I finished my design assignment early.
Professor Boucher: I admire that initiative.
Sheldon: Thank you, I stayed up late to finish it. My normal bedtime is 2100 hours, but I was so excited to do it that I took a power nap in my Meemaw's back seat on the drive home. [slides document towards Boucher]
Professor Boucher: Uh, you'll need to do this again. It's wrong. [slides it back to Sheldon]
Sheldon: No, it's not. [slides it back to Boucher]
Professor Boucher: Son, I'm giving you another chance before it's due.
Sheldon: Well, what's wrong with it?
Professor Boucher: That's your job to figure out.
Sheldon: I would argue that it's your job to teach me. [slides it back to Boucher]
Professor Boucher: Let's see. [clears throat] To start, this bridge is in pieces.
Sheldon: What do you mean? [Boucher rips the document in two] Well, two can play at this game.
[Sheldon rips the document in two] [Boucher places the pieces in the trash can] Well, now they can't.

Sheldon: [emerging from the boys' room] Well, that was revolting.
Mary: [arriving at Sheldon's homeroom] All right. This is your homeroom. Do you want me to go in with you?
Sheldon: No. Although I could've used you in the restroom.

Sheldon: Okay. Let the learning begin.

Sheldon: Judah was the father of Perez and Zerah by Tamar, Perez was the father of Hezron, and Hezron was the father of Ram.
George Sr.: Why's he reading the Bible?
Sheldon: To humiliate and destroy Paige at Bible camp.
Mary: That.

Mary: Doesn't look like a bug bite.
Missy: It's probably a pimple.
Sheldon: It's not, I don't get those.
[fantasy: A.V. continues to address the camera from his chair, while Pus is blowing up a balloon while seated on a stool:]
A.V.: As you might expect, we pimples are not very fond of popping things, but I was about to burst this young man's bubble. [Pus pops the balloon]
[reality:]
Missy: Oh, yeah, that's a zit.
Sheldon: No, it's not. My hygiene is impeccable.
Missy: Zit.
Mary: Everybody gets 'em sooner or later, baby.
Sheldon: I'm not everybody.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: No one is ever happy to see me. My therapist says that's their problem, not mine. [Pus rolls his eyes] But, honestly, it hurts. [Pus makes a mocking gesture] Pus? This is supposed to be a safe space. [Pus continues mocking A.V.]

Sheldon: You know what I find comforting?
Mary: What's that, baby?
Sheldon: In a world filled with uncertainty, this place will be here forever.

George Sr.: It's time for your pain pill.
Sheldon: Be careful. You could become addicted and lose your job. Which is all you have.
George Sr.: [sighs] Get out of here.

Mary: What I meant was... maybe it's time to take a break from your college classes.
Sheldon: What? Why? I've gotten straight As.
Mary: I know you're smart enough for college. I'm just not sure you're mature enough.
Sheldon: Well, it appears you've backed me into a corner. I would throw a tantrum right now, but that would just prove your point.
Mary: Where are you going?
Sheldon: To play with my trains. Which may sound immature, but it's a hobby many old men enjoy.

Sheldon: Does a family meal mark an escalation in your romantic relationship?
Dale: That's a good question. Does it?
Meemaw: You know what? Why don't you go sit at the kid table with your sister?
Sheldon: Where do I begin? They're loud, they're sweaty from sports...
Meemaw: Get.

President Hagemeyer: Not now, I'm on the phone.
Sheldon: Oh, are you talking to the grand chancellor? Who I know doesn't exist, just like your integrity.
President Hagemeyer: Uh, I'll-I'll call you back.
Sheldon: Don't believe her!

Sheldon: Missy, how would you feel if there were somewhere just like Chuck E. Cheese, but instead of pizza and ball pits, there was locomotives and placards explaining their history?
Missy: That's just the museum.
Sheldon: I didn't think she'd see through that.

Sheldon: Paige, a sprig of my hair is askew. Upsetting, isn't it?
Paige: No.
Sheldon: But it's going a different direction from all the other hairs.
Paige: So?
Sheldon: You think it's fun irritating me? I'm giving you a taste of your own medicine. Ha.

Adult Sheldon: My sister encouraged me to embrace adolescence as a journey of scientific discovery. I stood before a whole new teenage world of music, slang words and even clothing styles. [Sheldon removes a red Flash t-shirt] Pretty groovy, huh?
[Sheldon stands in front of his bedroom mirror wearing the red Flash t-shirt over a blue undershirt]
Sheldon: Wow, I might look too cool.

Dr. Lee: How can I help you?
Sheldon: I feel like my contributions aren't being taken seriously.
Dr. Lee: Oh, well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm listening to everyone's contributions.
Sheldon: But you're not taking any of mine.
Dr. Lee: No. But Drs. Linkletter and Sturgis seem happy with the direction we're headed.
Sheldon: Well, I think it's because you're using your feminine wiles.
Dr. Lee: And what exactly do you think that means?
Sheldon: I'm not sure, but you are wearing lip gloss and seem to have good hygiene. And if you're trying to use them on me, it's not going to work.
Dr. Lee: Sheldon, I assure you that I'm just trying to do what's best for the project.
Sheldon: Excellent, then you'll want to set up several telescopes in an array.
Dr. Lee: I hear you, but... ghobe'.
Sheldon: Wait, that's "no" in Klingon. Do you speak Klingon?
Dr. Lee: I looked up that one word. I had a feeling it would come in handy. [Sheldon grunts]

Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone] Look, I haven't done a forensic examination of this paper, but it's not uncommon to show your work to a colleague to get their feedback.
Sheldon: But I fixed his paper.
Dr. Linkletter: This kind of accusation could have real consequences. I'd consider my next steps very carefully.
Sheldon: You're no help. Put me through to your supervisor.
Dr. Linkletter: Please let me speak to John before you take this any further.
Sheldon: All right, but if he calls me a baby, feel free to say, "Then I guess you needed a baby to fix your paper."
Dr. Linkletter: That's a good one, but I'm not gonna say it.

Dr. Linkletter: What?
Sheldon: I've been looking for you.
Dr. Linkletter: I was just trying to have a little privacy.
Sheldon: Smart. No one will bother us out here. [climbs into car] What is that? Ham?

Sheldon: You're so lucky.
Ms. Hutchins: You're gonna have to walk me through that.
Sheldon: Well, you don't have anyone in your house telling you what you can or can't do.
Ms. Hutchins: Right, Sheldon. I don't have anyone.
Sheldon: I just said that. Are you becoming a drug addict already?

Meemaw: Okay, here you go.
Sheldon: You're not baking them fresh?
Meemaw: Do you want me to bake or you want me to listen?
[Sheldon shrugs]
[cut to Meemaw mixing cookie dough]

Mary: Shelly, I got you something.
Sheldon: The Professor Proton Science Kit! Wait a minute. Last time you gave me a present for no reason, I had to get a booster shot.
Mary: Nothing like that. I was just thinking, it might be a fun thing for you to share with Paige.
Sheldon: Sharing. Sometimes I feel like you don't know me.
Mary: Paige is having a rough time at home right now, and I think she could really use a friend.
Sheldon: A crocodile could really use a meal, but that doesn't mean I should leap into his mouth.
Adult Sheldon: This was the woman who cut the crusts off my sandwiches. She had me.
Sheldon: Into the mouth I go.

Pastor Jeff: Next question. For a John the Baptist pencil topper, where did Jesus perform his first miracle? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: A wedding.
Pastor Jeff: [chuckles] Correct!
Sheldon: Aren't you even going to try?
Paige: Nope.
Sheldon: Why won't you compete with me?
Paige: Because it's fun watching you get upset.
Sheldon: What's fun about it?
Missy: [raises hand] Everything.