Billy Sparks: What's going on?
Missy: What's going on is people are talking about my brother behind my back instead of saying it to my face.
Sheldon: She's talking about Georgie, not me. People talk about me behind my back, but it's about how smart I am.

George Jr.: Hey, what you doing?
Sheldon: Playing a historically accurate game called The Oregon Trail.
George Jr.: That sounds boring.
Sheldon: Hardly. My wagon broke an axle, and my wife died of dysentery.
George Jr.: Well, can you pause it for a sec?
Sheldon: It does seems rude to push on to Oregon while my daughter Mabel is mourning the loss of her mother.

George Sr.: This is the moment we lost that game. But one bad play doesn't mean you give up. We had plenty of time to turn it around, but y'all decided it was over. I don't want to ever see that happen again. Next time something seems out of your reach, you do not quit. You just dig deeper.
Sheldon: [appears out of nowhere] Does that mean if I find an affordable flight to California, we can go?

Fran: Hi. Can I help you?
Sheldon: I'm trying to find the cheapest flight to California for me and my father.
Fran: Okay. Well, have a seat. You lookin' to go to Disneyland?
Sheldon: The only ride I'm interested in is the intellectual roller coaster of Stephen Hawking's mind.
Fran: And where is that located?
Sheldon: Well... Stephen Hawking's head. But that will be at Caltech in Pasadena.

Mary: The important thing is, is that you both need to keep this quiet. This is family business.
Sheldon: I have to keep a secret? I'm not good at those.
George Sr.: It's not a secret. No one's gonna ask you about it. It's just a thing you don't need to bring up.
Sheldon: But what if I do?
George Sr.: What if you don't?
Sheldon: But now it's all I can think about. What if my mouth loses control?
Mary: You're good at keeping promises, right?
Sheldon: Very. Great.
Mary: Then promise you won't tell anybody.
Sheldon: That's an interesting work-around. However...
Mary: You're not telling anyone.
Sheldon: Fine.

Sheldon: Are they getting married?
Mary: We don't know, but probably.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: [scoffs] It would be better for them and better for the baby.
George Sr.: And better for you so your church friends don't get bent out of shape.
Mary: We'll talk about this later.
Sheldon: Ooh, a subcommittee just formed. Exciting.

Sheldon: Are there any discounts available?
Fran: Are you a member of any frequent-flier programs?
Sheldon: No, I've never flown before.
Fran: Well, ways to keep the cost down are: flying on weekdays, multiple layovers... Or, this probably doesn't apply, but airlines offer special fares if there's been a death in the family.
Sheldon: Interesting. May I use your phone?
[elsewhere:]
Meemaw: [answering phone] Hello?
[back:]
Sheldon: What else you got?

George Jr.: Listen to this: "Raise bees and sell the honey for profit."
Sheldon: Do it, and I'm living with Meemaw.

George Sr.: Come on, I'm taking you both to school. Let's move it. [exits]
Missy: He looks terrible.
Sheldon: He has had heart problems, plus he's been having a rough time at work.
Missy: Not to mention he's pretty chunky.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. I wonder if RadioShack makes a defibrillator.

Sheldon: How do you recommend I "suck it up"?
Missy: I don't know, when you don't get your way, shut up and move on.
Sheldon: Is that what you do?
Missy: Yeah.
Sheldon: And that's why you don't have a computer.

Missy: Come on.
Sheldon: I don't want to.
Missy: Just one more time.
Sheldon: Fine.
Both: Rock, paper, scissors, candy, pony!
Sheldon: Rock trips pony. I win.
Missy: How do you keep winning?
Sheldon: You keep picking pony.

Captain: [v.o.] Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're expecting a smooth flight to Los Angeles. Before we take off, please direct your attention to the flight attendants as they review some important safety procedures.
Sheldon: "Safety procedures"? Oh, baby.

Sheldon: I think we've been lied to about California. No one on this campus is tan at all.
George Sr.: No, they are not.

Sheldon: What do you think is going on?
Missy: I don't know, but I'm telling you, it's bad.
Sheldon: Not necessarily. Maybe they're planning a surprise party for us.
Missy: Our birthday isn't for months.
Sheldon: True. Maybe they needed some lead time. You can't expect Stephen Hawking to roll in at a moment's notice.

Sheldon: Mom, have you seen my Thursday socks? I looked in my drawer and I could only find Wednesday and Friday.
Mary: Thursday's are in the dryer.
Sheldon: Mm. [opens dryer] Oh. Here's the little rascals.

Sheldon: What if it's just a short story? Would you read it then?
Meemaw: Why do you care if I read this?
Sheldon: Let's see. Perhaps it has something to do with Pop Pop dying before we ever got to discuss the books he gave me.
Meemaw: How short a story?
Sheldon: Nightfall's only 30 pages.
Meemaw: Fine.
Sheldon: Excellent. Why did you change your mind?
Meemaw: Because you made me feel bad about my dead husband.
Sheldon: Neat.

Sheldon: Guess what. Dr. Sturgis, Dr. Linkletter and I are starting an Isaac Asimov book club.
Meemaw: That's nice.
Sheldon: I'm glad you think so because you should join.
Meemaw: And I think... no.
Sheldon: But this is perfect for you.
Meemaw: Why?
Sheldon: Because three smart people will be there to explain things that go over your head.
Meemaw: I'm gonna bonk you over your head in a minute.

Sheldon: Imagine all the stimulating conversations that must go on at these tables.
George Sr.: I bet.
Sheldon: I can see myself going here one day.
George Sr.: I think you'd fit right in.

Sheldon: But your idea of a winner-takes-all competition is a good one. We just need to come up with something that is fair to both of us. Ooh. What if we list all the spices in Mom's spice rack alphabetically? I'll go first. Adobo. Black pepper. Cinnamon. Coriander. Cumin.
Missy: We're not playing the spice game.
Sheldon: Dill.
Missy: Urgh!

Sheldon: And who says you have to be mature to go to college? I've seen Animal House.
Meemaw: You have?
Sheldon: Well, I've seen the poster. Those people are not college material.