Meemaw: Do you see any unoccupied machines here?
Dale: No.
Meemaw: Exactly. We are at capacity. It's time to expand.
Dale: Where?
Meemaw: The video store right behind that wall just lost its lease.
Dale: Aw, heck. I was gonna pick up the new John Candy.
Meemaw: Well, as my partner in this enterprise, you can get that new John Candy for free.
Dale: So you're gonna buy a video store?
Meemaw: Video store in the front, video poker in the back.

Dale: Where are you getting the poker machine?
Meemaw: Biloxi, Mississippi.
Dale: Oh. You didn't learn a lesson when you got arrested at the border?
Meemaw: Yes. I learned not to smuggle contraband with my idiot grandson. But there's nothing illegal about buying poker machines.
Dale: Till you plug 'em in.
Meemaw: Well, sure.

Meemaw: Come on. What do you say? You and me, a panel truck, Biloxi or bust?
Dale: So I'm gonna be your partner in an illegal gambling room?
Meemaw: Hidden by a legal video store.
Dale: Connie. Gee...
Meemaw: Come on. You said you want to drive around in an RV, see the country. This is that, but exciting.
Dale: We could go to jail.
Meemaw: That's the exciting part.

Dale: So, how'd you hear about these poker machines?
Meemaw: I know a guy.
Dale: What kind of guy?
Meemaw: A guy who knows a guy.
Dale: Well, what do you know about that guy?
Meemaw: He owned a riverboat casino.
Dale: He owned?
Meemaw: He might be dead.
Dale: Dead?
Meemaw: He might not be. They never found the body.

Meemaw: Oh, now, come on. You've been in the sporting goods business long enough. Haven't you ever sold a bunch of shoulder pads that fell off the back of a truck?
Dale: Absolutely not. I buy 'em from a reputable company named Tuffy.
Meemaw: Boring.

Meemaw: Uh, you mind if we plug a couple in?
Dennis: Mind if you show me the money?
Meemaw: Sure. Turn around.
Dennis: Why?
Meemaw: You want the money or not?
[Dennis turns around]
Meemaw: [whispering] Okay, go ahead.
[Dale drops his trousers, revealing bundles of cash srapped to his legs]
Meemaw: Yeah. Okay. 20 grand. [chuckling softly] Light 'em up.
[The machines light up, with tunes playing, and whooshing and pinging sound effects]
Meemaw: That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Dale: Really? Well, I just took my pants off.

Meemaw: I think we're being followed.
Dale: What? No. The pickup truck?
Meemaw: The orange Pinto. I saw it when we gassed up. It's been two cars back ever since. I'm gonna speed up and see what happens. [engine revving]
Dale: We're being followed. Are you still excited?
Meemaw: No, I'm upset.
Dale: Good. Then we're on the same page.

Meemaw: Hey there, Jake.
Jake: Hey, Connie. I was just telling your grandson here how much I love the new place.
George Jr.: Mandy, let me show you the kids section. Got all the Looney Tunes, Flintstones, Fraggle Rock. [Meemaw and Jake speaking indistinctly]
Mandy: What's going on?
George Jr.: Nothing. Just figured we're having a kid, we should be familiar with the genre.
Meemaw: Well, thanks for dropping by.
Jake: We need to renegotiate our arrangement.
Meemaw: Uh, and we will talk about that soon. Meanwhile... Grab some Red Vines. Show of good faith. [Jake exits] You wouldn't think it about Jake, but... [chuckles] he just loves a foreign film.

Mandy: Just stop it, okay? I know what's going on here.
George Jr.: You do?
Mandy: That creepy cop, that trip to Mexico, all that cash in your bra. [whispers] Y'all are selling drugs.
Meemaw: We're not selling drugs.
Mandy: So you're telling me there's nothing weird going on back there?
Meemaw: Oh, I didn't say that.

Kimberly: Hi. I'm with Channel 7 news.
Meemaw: Can I help you?
Kimberly: A local pastor has put together a petition of citizens concerned about the vulgar content of your video store. Would you care to comment?
Meemaw: Damn straight I would. I want him to know...
George Jr.: Give me. Give me.
Meemaw: No, give me that. I want...
George Jr.: I can assure you there's nothing immoral or indecent going on here.

Mary: Well, I'm sure we can come up with something else.
Meemaw: Well, hang on. When did we become a threesome?
Mary: You don't want to hang out with me?
Meemaw: Well, I do, but he's not crazy about you.
Dale: Well, that's not true.
Meemaw: Well, then, it looks like you got a fishing buddy.
Mary: I don't really want to go fishing.
Dale: Boy, that was a close one.

Meemaw: How you doing?
Mandy: Uh, well, I'm lying in bed and a nice lady just brought me food. It's not the worst.
Meemaw: Well, you haven't tasted it yet. Doctor said no salt.
Mandy: Oh, I'm sure it's great.
Meemaw: I tasted it. It sucks.

Mary: Oh, and after we do gifts, we could take pictures holding Mandy's belly.
Mandy: [scoffs] No. Okay.
Missy: Here's one. We can fill baby bottles with juice and see who can drink it the fastest.
Meemaw: Don't go drinking out of my bottle.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause it ain't gonna be juice.

Meemaw: But then again, Georgie was a big'un.
Mandy: How big?
Mary: Almost ten pounds.
Mandy: Ten pounds?
Meemaw: She walked like a cowboy for months. [laughs]

Meemaw: My turn. Mm-kay, the belly button's still got a little give. So, I'm gonna say... a quick and easy six pounds, two ounces... gonna slide right out of there. [chuckles]
Mandy: [sighs] I love you.

Sheldon: Mom!
Meemaw: Ah. There they are!
Mary: Hey. Oh.
Meemaw: Ha! I lost the little rascals in the hall.

Meemaw: Okay, now, what are we talking about here? Sheldon is intelligent and responsible, and Missy is ... his sister.

Meemaw: Let me buy you a drink, and we'll talk about this. I'm more on your side than you think.
Brenda Sparks: Somehow, I doubt that.
Meemaw: It's true. Don't you think I realize that Mary can be a bit-
Brenda Sparks: Of a self-righteous bitch?
Meemaw: I was gonna say "challenging," but sure, let's go with yours. It's got a nice rhythm.

Mary: I'm starting to worry about you.
Meemaw: I just had a little too much to drink. So what?
Mary: If you're upset about Dr. Sturgis, that's okay.
Meemaw: I'm not upset. I don't care.
Mary: So you don't care that I saw him last night?
Meemaw: No. I hope he's great.
Mary: Okay.
Meemaw: Is he great?
Mary: He seemed okay.
Meemaw: Tell it to somebody who cares.

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah?
Meemaw: Are you doing okay?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, getting fired was tough, but I'm glad to be back here in town.
Meemaw: Mm.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm glad you're back, too.
Meemaw: But if you feel yourself slipping again, promise me you'll get some help.
Dr. John Sturgis: I promise.
Meemaw: Well, good. I worry about you.
Dr. John Sturgis: You do?
Meemaw: Of course.
Dr. John Sturgis: That means a lot.