Brenda Sparks: You know what? I have been nothin' but nice to you and your family since the day y'all moved in, and I'm over it. Watching you walk around all holier than thou, like you're better than everyone else. Well, guess what, you're not.
Mary: I'm gonna pray for you!

Mary: We're going to support your brother. Not another word about it.
George Sr.: Can we at least sit in the back?
Mary: Not a word.

George Sr.: Hang on. What did you think was gonna happen when we sent him to high school?
Mary: I don't know, that he'd learn stuff, and then, come back home and be my baby forever.
George Sr.: Mare, it's good for him. He may start college in a couple years, what happens then?
Mary: Off the top of my head, he and I share a dorm room.
George Sr.: You know I'd laugh at that if I didn't kind of believe you.

Mary: And now he wants to see a movie in Houston with them.
Meemaw: Why Houston?
Mary: I don't know, it's in MixMax or something.

Mary: I gave it a lot of thought, and I'm afraid I can't allow you to drive to Houston with your friends.
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Well, honey, you're still a little boy.
Sheldon: I don't think it's right. I'm not a little boy. I'm a high school student.
Mary: I'm sorry, I made up my mind. If you'd really like to see this movie, I'm willing to drive you. Maybe we could meet your friends there.
Sheldon: I don't want my mommy to take me.
Mary: Well, then, you're not going.

Mary: I hope you'll forgive me, I just wanted to meet the person driving my nine-year-old son to Houston.
Libby: I understand.
Tam: Me, too.
Mary: I wasn't talking to you, Tam.

Mary: Shelly, you okay?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: You want to talk about it?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: You want me to leave you alone?
Sheldon: No. I thought Libby and I were equals, but she thinks of me as a child.
Mary: I'm sorry, baby.
Sheldon: Calling me that isn't helping right now.
Mary: Right. Sorry.

Mary: She is almost twice your age.
Sheldon: There are people five times my age that are stupider than me.
Mary: This is not about being smart.
Sheldon: What else is there?
Mary: Well there's other kinds of maturity.

Mary: Where were we?
Sheldon: Different kinds of maturity.
Mary: That's right. There's emotional maturity, physical maturity, all things that have nothing to do with being smart.
Sheldon: Are you suggesting I'm not emotionally mature?
Mary: I was hinting at it.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Mary: It's not just bookkeeping. I'd be in charge of handling the maintenance issues you know, plumbing, electric, what have you. And I'd also head the planning committee for all the social events, which, of course, includes the big three: baptisms, weddings, funerals. And here is the cherry on top. The sign in front of the church with all the clever sayings-
George Sr.: "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus"?
Mary: Exactly. Guess whose job it would be to write those.
George Sr.: Yours.
Mary: Already working on a couple. Listen to this. "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."
George Sr.: What?
Mary: You know, be one. Like be a Christian. And also B1 the vitamin.
George Sr.: Well, now that you explained it, it's funny.
Mary: Yeah. Might be a thinker. But there's a lot more where that came from.

Meemaw: Why don't you just get a babysitter?
Mary: Kinda defeats the purpose of making extra money.
Meemaw: Oh, yeah, right. All right, let's think about it. Georgie.
Mary: Football practice. And I don't trust him when I'm home.

Mary: You know, my mother's had some luck cutting back on the smoking by chewing that nicotine gum.
Peg: Got some right here.
Mary: So you do.

Pastor Jeff: When we first started dating, everything was wonderful.
Mary: That's when it is wonderful.
Pastor Jeff: All the problems started once we got married.
Mary: Well, marriage will do that to a relationship.
Pastor Jeff: I-I got Selena a credit card to make small purchases for the house. You know ... coffee maker, DustBuster. You know what she did? She went to that Sharper Image store and she bought a massage chair.
Mary: Oh, I sat in one of those at the mall. It was terrific.
Pastor Jeff: It's $2,000.
Mary: Oh. Well, seeing as I know how much you make, you can't afford that.

Pastor Jeff: Got a minute?
Mary: Sure, come on in.
Pastor Jeff: I just wanted to apologize. It was wrong of me to unload my personal business on you. Here it is, your first day and all.
Mary: Oh, that's fine. Always happy to lend an ear.
Pastor Jeff: Great, 'cause I didn't tell you everything.
Mary: Really? 'Cause you told me a lot.

Pastor Jeff: This morning, while Selena was in the shower, I went through her purse and I took the credit card.
Mary: Oh, my.
Pastor Jeff: Now, do you think that's stealing, or is it doing the right thing? You know, saving us from bankruptcy and whatnot?
Mary: Wow. Um, yeah, that's complicated. Um going through her purse is probably wrong, but on the other hand ... well, there is no other hand.

Mary: God, please give me the strength to not spread this juicy gossip about Pastor Jeff.

Mary: I hate to say it, but I think we need help with this.
George Sr.: Like what?
Mary: Maybe we could take him to that nice doctor who calmed him down when he was convinced he had an enlarged prostate?
George Sr.: Sheldon only calmed down when the doctor told him what happens in a prostate exam.
Mary: Poor thing. Still talks about it.

Mary: Sheldon, why are you still up?
Sheldon: We're all gonna die! This isn't funny.
Mary: I know, baby, I know. But you need to understand that sometimes the news says those things just to scare people.

Mary: Come here. I know you don't believe in this, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Lord, I pray for my son Sheldon that you protect him from all illness and disease, and keep him healthy and keep him safe, and protect him from his head to his toes, inside and out. Amen.
Sheldon: You're right. I don't believe in that. But it did feel good. Thanks.
Mary: In the Bible, that's called a hedge of protection.