Sheldon: How come Georgie's not going?
Mary: He's grounded for eavesdropping on me and your father.
Missy: Well, I hope he learned his lesson.

Dr. Linkletter: [answering phone] Grant Linkletter.
Sheldon: [whispering] This is Sheldon Cooper. I'm speaking quietly because I'm calling from a library.
Dr. Linkletter: [whispering] Hello, Sheldon. Nice to hear from you.
Sheldon: Why are you whispering? Are you in a library?
Dr. Linkletter: Good point. [clears throat, speaks normally:] How can I help you?
Sheldon: My meemaw doesn't want to take me to the lecture because she thinks that you're just using me to spend time with her.
Dr. Linkletter: I see. Well, you're an intelligent young man. What do you think?
Sheldon: I think she's wrong, and you invited me because you know I appreciate the subject matter.
Dr. Linkletter: Exactly right. You're even smarter than I thought.
Sheldon: I knew it. [to Tam] My meemaw couldn't be more wrong.
Kid: Shh!
Sheldon: Oh, like you were reading a book anyway.

Missy: So boyfriends and girlfriends are okay?
Pastor Rob: The way I see it, God is love, so if we love someone else in a committed relationship, we're feeling God.
Missy: So, holding hands is okay?
Pastor Rob: Sure.
Missy: What about kissing?
Pastor Rob: Maybe at some point, when you're older.
Missy: And what exactly is third base?

George Jr.: Hey, Veronica.
Veronica: What was that about?
George Jr.: Just conducting a little business.
Veronica: Careful. When my sister sold stuff at school, she ended up in juvie.

Missy: "I hope your arm gets better soon. XO, Missy". See? Nothing mean.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Adult Sheldon: My sister could have a big heart. If only that were true of her brain.
Sheldon: That's the wrong "your".
Missy: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: It's supposed to be Y-O-U-R. What you wrote means, "I hope you are arm gets better".
Missy: Oh.
Sheldon: You defaced my body with a grammatical error.
Missy: I guess that's your problem. Y-O-U-R.

Adult Sheldon: When children reach adolescence, a cascade of hormones are released... causing mood swings, impulsive behavior and an unbelievable amount of eye rolling.
George Sr.: [cheers] I knew it. [Missy rolls her eyes]
Adult Sheldon: During this time of change, members of the opposite sex who caught my sister's fancy included: New Kids on the Block, Rufio from the movie Hook, and, oddly enough, our new Sunday school teacher, Pastor Rob.
Missy: Was Mary Magdalene Jesus's girlfriend?
Pastor Rob: No, just one of his followers. Yeah, Jesus didn't have a girlfriend.
Missy: Do you have a girlfriend?
Pastor Rob: No. No, I don't.
Billy Sparks: I don't have a girlfriend either.
Pastor Rob: All right. You and me, Billy, couple of bachelors.

Mary: Hey, I was thinking after dinner, maybe you and I could go out for a walk.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: Pastor Jeff and Brenda have been doing it, might be nice.
George Sr.: So go with them.
Missy: They didn't invite her. She was all upset about it.
George Sr.: [clears throat] Well, you get left out and I get punished?
Mary: A walk with your wife is punishment?
George Sr.: [to Missy] You're up, say somethin' fun.

George Jr.: Just say hi, keep it casual, pretend like you don't care that much.
Missy: But I care the most.
George Jr.: See, that's gonna freak him out.
Missy: How do you know?
George Jr.: 'Cause it's freaking me out. Now go. [later, shouting:] No touching! That's right, you heard me!

Keith: Someone's got to be in charge, but when you step up and do it, everyone gets upset.
George Sr.: So your problem is a woman's mad at you and Sheldon thinks you're dumb?
Keith: Yeah.
George Sr.: Welcome to my life, friend.
Keith: W- What do I do?
George Sr.: You- You quit complaining. You're young, you're smart, you're not tied down. This is as good as it gets.
Keith: It is?
George Sr.: Yes. I wish I was 20 again. Eating and drinking and being skinny. Now go back in there, finish your project, and get your ass to a keg party. Go!

Sheldon: Good news. You can take me to the lecture after all.
Meemaw: Why is that?
Sheldon: I told Dr. Linkletter everything you-
Meemaw: Stop. Come inside.
Sheldon: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause there's kids in this neighborhood who don't need to hear the language I'm about to use.

Meemaw: Thanks for inviting John to dinner tonight.
Mary: Oh, my pleasure.
Meemaw: I've been a little bit worried about him. You know, with what happened last time.
Mary: At least he didn't seem unstable when I talked to him.
Meemaw: The man has a doctorate in science, and he's filling people's grocery bags.
Mary: He actually did a really nice job. He put the heavy things on the bottom. He kept the cold things together.
Meemaw: Mary.
Mary: Well, they don't always do that.

Mary: Sheldon, you sure about this?
Sheldon: Yes, leave the crusts on. I'm a docent now.

George Sr.: What do you got going on today?
Mary: Ooh, laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming. I might go nuts and dust the picture frames.
George Sr.: Well, nice. Everybody's doing something they love.

Meemaw: Hey, you got any plans this weekend?
June: I don't think so. Why?
Meemaw: I happen to have a coupon for a free room at the Royale Casino.
June: Now you're talking! How'd you swing that?
Meemaw: Well, you lose enough, they give you all kinds of crap.
June: I'm in.
Meemaw: And if you really feel like gambling, they got an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet.
June: Put enough drinks in me, I'll eat anything. [Meemaw laughs]

Principal Petersen: I've asked you all here because we got a situation. George Cooper's considering a job at a college and taking Sheldon with him.
Mr. Givens: Yes!
Ms. MacElroy: Is it far away? I hope it's far away.
Mr. Givens: Maybe it's overseas.
Ms. Ingram: Ooh, like Fiji.

Principal Petersen: Hold your horses. If Sheldon walks out that door, our test scores drop hard. That affects funding, which affects your salaries.
Ms. Ingram: Ugh. Well, how can we help?
Principal Petersen: Y'all need to make George and Sheldon so happy here they want to stay.
Ms. MacElroy: Oh, come on.
Mr. Givens: Isn't there anything else we can do?
Principal Petersen: Yeah, Mr. Givens. You could do a better job at teaching the other students so we don't rely on one boy to pull up everyone's grades.
Mr. Givens: Fine. We'll be nice to Sheldon.

Sheldon: Then Geordi goes missing, but Wesley Crusher has a plan to use neutrinos to locate him, since they'd be visible to Geordi's visor.
George Sr.: Is that so?
Sheldon: It is. I recorded the episode. I'll show it to you tonight.
George Sr.: That's okay. You did such a good job explaining it, I feel like I saw it.
Sheldon: You're still seeing it.

Mary: All right, you two, get ready for bed. Church in the morning.
Missy: I'm not going.
Mary: What do you mean, you're not going?
Missy: I don't think I believe in God anymore.
Mary: What did you do to her?
Sheldon: Hey, she came to me. I mean, I took the ball and ran with it.
Missy: Look at you with a sports analogy.
Sheldon: We're both evolving. Ooh, evolution. Another thing I'll teach you about.

Ms. Ingram: Oh! There's my man.
Sheldon: Where?
Ms. Ingram: You, silly.
Sheldon: I'm neither a man, nor silly, but all right.
Ms. Ingram: You're so funny, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, well, that I am.

Adult Sheldon: Extricating myself from this situation was not going to be easy. My father was counting on me, Meemaw was counting on me, the school was counting on me. After much thought, I decided to employ the one strategic maneuver I knew I could count on. I tattled.