Keith: Someone's got to be in charge, but when you step up and do it, everyone gets upset.
George Sr.: So your problem is a woman's mad at you and Sheldon thinks you're dumb?
Keith: Yeah.
George Sr.: Welcome to my life, friend.
Keith: W- What do I do?
George Sr.: You- You quit complaining. You're young, you're smart, you're not tied down. This is as good as it gets.
Keith: It is?
George Sr.: Yes. I wish I was 20 again. Eating and drinking and being skinny. Now go back in there, finish your project, and get your ass to a keg party. Go!

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Sheldon: Dad, do you believe that fossils are millions of years old?
George Sr.: I guess. Why?
Sheldon: Well, Mom believes the world was only created 6,000 years ago.
George Sr.: Yeah. So?
Sheldon: Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?
George Sr.: Not at all.
Sheldon: Why?
George Sr.: Simple. We never talk about it.
Sheldon: So you just avoid discussing topics you don't agree on?
George Sr.: At all costs.

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

Meemaw: All right, come on, let's talk about something else.
June: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: A lot of people here like to talk about the game.
Meemaw: Really? You speak sports now?
Dr. John Sturgis: I sure do. Check this out. Hey, ref! I suggest you go back to referee school and this time pay attention in class!
Man #1: You tell him, Doc.

Mary: How about you all come work at our house?
Sam: I guess if that's our only option.
Mary: It'll be fun. I'll make food. You can even bring your laundry.
Keith: That actually would be great.
Sheldon: Now this man's soiled underpants will be in my kitchen. Thank you.

Keith: How about we work in my dorm tomorrow?
Mary: Um, I don't know if a dormitory is the right environment for someone his age.
Sheldon: If you're worried about the beer-drinking, Dad has thoroughly desensitized me.