Sheldon: But what if it's scratchy and it's all I can think about?
Dr. Linkletter: It's just armpit hair.
Sheldon: Well, I don't even have it yet and it's already consuming my thoughts.
President Hagemeyer: All right, Sheldon, you are a smart kid. Now, you had to know that this was gonna happen eventually.
Sheldon: I'm a smart kid now, but what will I be in a year?
President Hagemeyer: A smart young man.
Sheldon: And then a smart adult. With money problems and marital strife and every other problem you can think of. I'll probably have a beer belly. Or root beer belly.

[dream sequence:]
Sheldon as George: Something weird's going on.
Sheldon as Mary: Not now, George. I have to finish making the kids' lunches, get them to school, and then go looking for a new job.
Sheldon as George: But I'm turning into my father.
Sheldon as Mary: I don't have time for whatever crisis you're going through. And why are you still wearing that uniform? You don't even work there anymore.
Sheldon as George: Well, maybe nothing else was clean.
Sheldon as Mary: You're a grown man... you can wash your own clothes.
Sheldon as Meemaw: Would you two quit fighting? You ain't the only one with problems.
Sheldon as George: For God's sakes, why are you always here?
Sheldon as Mary: Don't be mean to her.
Sheldon as George: You're mean to me.
Sheldon as Meemaw: I'm just dropping off your mail, fatass. And it's nothing but bills.
Sheldon as Georgie: Just got back from the baby doctor. Mandy's having triplets. Dang it.
Sheldon as George: How we gonna handle all this?
Sheldon as Mary: I guess Sheldon's gonna have to drop out of school and get a job.
Sheldon as Meemaw: I hear the coal mine's hiring.
Sheldon as Georgie: Ain't that too messy for him?
Sheldon as Meemaw: The boy's got to grow up sometime.
Sheldon as George: Ain't that the truth.
Sheldon as Mary: He's got that nasty pimple, so he's well on his way.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: Whoa. Heavy stuff. But like a... caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, things need to get a little weird along the way. [Pus puts the blue caterpillar figure he was holding under a napkin and pulls out a blue butterfly figure] [laughs] How can people not like us? That was awesome. And Pus is available for children's parties. [Pus rubs his fingers together to signal cash]

Missy: What's the problem?
Sheldon: My childhood is ending.
Missy: So?
Sheldon: Look at everyone around us... they're all miserable. Mom and Dad are unemployed. They're constantly fighting. Georgie's having a child.
Missy: First of all, no one's having a kid with you, ever.
Sheldon: Don't be so sure. With this intellect, my genetic material will be a hot commodity. [Missy groans] That's how I feel.

Mandy: So why is Connie in jail?
Missy: That's family business.
Sheldon: Although Mandy is carrying Georgie's baby and Georgie's also in jail, so...
Mandy: Georgie's in jail?!
Missy: Why are you still talking?
Sheldon: That is a valid question. It's past my bedtime.
Missy: Good. Go.
Sheldon: [waves at Mandy] Nice meeting you! [walks off]

Sheldon: Do we still say grace?
Missy: Why not?
Sheldon: Mom's been taking a break from the church. Mom?
Mary: Well, I hadn't really thought about it. We can if you want to.
George: Let's not.
Sheldon: As meaningless as it is, I do find the ritual comforting. [puts on mittens]

Missy: Oh, you could go on Jeopardy!
Sheldon: Never. I don't like answers in the form of questions. I like my answers in the form of answers, and my questions in the form of questions, thank you. Ooh, perhaps I could sell story ideas to TV shows like Star Trek.
Missy: Do you really think they'd listen to a kid?
Sheldon: My voice has gotten deeper. The other day, I answered the phone, and they didn't mistake me for Mom.
Missy: Star Trek's not gonna buy your stupid ideas.
Sheldon: We'll see about that. I have one where the Enterprise falls into a time tunnel, and Worf becomes a Worf from 12 minutes in the future.

Sheldon: And just when the Enterprise is about to be assimilated by the Borg, another ship appears, piloted by Wesley Crusher.
Dr. Linkletter: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: It's surprising because Wesley Crusher left the show years ago, so it's a big deal.
Dr. Linkletter: If you say so.
Sheldon: I have more. Commander Data...
Dr. Linkletter: [on the phone] I'd like a reservation for dinner. Yes, I'll hold.
Sheldon: You want to do this over dinner? Okay.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm taking your grandmother out tonight.
Sheldon: She didn't mention it to me.
Dr. Linkletter: Maybe because it doesn't concern you.
Sheldon: My meemaw, my professor... Who's in the middle of that Venn diagram?

Sheldon: I have an idea for a Star Trek episode I'd like to present to you.
George: Why me?
Sheldon: Because I'm hoping to sell it, and since it's going to be broadcast television, I want to make sure the common man can understand it.
George: [scoffs] Well, I understand I was just insulted.
Sheldon: Excellent, I came to the right common man.

Sheldon: We start on a gas giant in the vicinity of Rigel IV, then see a shuttlecraft, a dot of silver against the inky blackness of space. Inside the shuttlecraft, we see Lieutenant Worf struggling to breathe. [George realizes his bottle of beer is empty] He's been infected by a vicious intelligent fungus. [George gets up and walks towards the kitchen] Where are you going?
George: I'm listening.
Sheldon: Cough, cough. Worf is choking on spores, but not just your everyday spores, these are spores with their own evil agenda.
George: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: And, as he sinks into a coma, a mysterious figure in a spacesuit approaches. He lowers the visor of his helmet revealing...Future Worf. Are you hooked?
George: Oh, yeah.
Sheldon: Main titles. Cue theme song and the soothing voice of Patrick Stewart as Captain Picard says... [George is silent] "Space..." [George is still silent] "...the final frontier."
George: Who's Patrick Stewart?

Adult Sheldon: My father found a flaw in my story, my sister had a job I envied. It was a big day for the common man. But then I had an idea that, like Future Worf, was ahead of its time.
Sheldon: [knock on door] Missy.
Missy: What?
Sheldon: [enters] Why is a dollar worth a dollar?
Missy: [sighs] Sheldon, I'm busy.
Sheldon: Me too. I've solved all of our money problems. I'm going to invent my own digital currency.
Missy: Like, printing your own?
Sheldon: No. First, we assign value to difficult-to-find numbers and store them in a computer database. Then we create an algorithm to mine the numbers, then we encourage people to switch from currencies that are government-backed to ours. It's brilliant. I'm going to be rich.

Dr. John Sturgis: Ethically, can science ever go too far? Just because we can do something, does that mean we should do something?
Sheldon: [raises hand] Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: I haven't finished.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, go on.
Dr. John Sturgis: Ethically, should science have any limitations?
Sheldon: [raises hand] No.
Dr. John Sturgis: Interesting. What about human cloning?
Sheldon: More of me? Yes, please.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what about more of everyone else?
Sheldon: [looks around] No, thank you.

Sheldon: I'm glad you're here. I have a question about robot ethics I was hoping you could help me with.
Georgie: Sheldon, leave her alone.
Mandy: No, it's okay, he can ask me a question. I'm his, uh... What am I?
Sheldon: Niblingo.
Mandy: Niblingo. What's your question?
Sheldon: Ethically, should a robot be programmed to never kill, even if killing would save lives?
Georgie: Where's the dang toaster?
Missy: Welcome to breakfast at our house.

George: [knocks] You busy?
Sheldon: Yes, but I'm also excellent at bifurcating my cognitive abilities. Hit me.
George: [sighs] Billy is struggling with math, and, mm, his mom was hoping that you could tutor him.
Sheldon: I could.
George: Great.
Sheldon: But I won't.
George: Why not?
Sheldon: Because me teaching Billy is like trying to use the gravitational power of a neutron star to change the spin of a boson.
George: Don't do that. If he doesn't pass math, they're gonna hold him back.
Sheldon: That's the system working. Very Darwinian.

Billy Sparks: One question... How can you have zero if zero is nothing?
Sheldon: It's not something that you have. Zero represents a state of nothingness.
Billy Sparks: What does that mean?
Sheldon: It's nothingness. The absence of somethingness. Trust me, zero is a thing.
Billy Sparks: But you just said it's a nothing.
Sheldon: I did.
Billy Sparks: Which is it? A something or a nothing? [exploding sound] [wind whooshing]
[Sheldon is silent]

Sheldon: We have a problem.
Dr. John Sturgis: What?
Sheldon: Zero might not exist.
Dr. John Sturgis: [chuckles] Of course zero exists.
Sheldon: Great. Then explain it to me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Easy. Zero is nothing.
Sheldon: But how can nothing be a thing?
Dr. John Sturgis: Think of it this way... Picture an empty box.
Sheldon: All right.
Dr. John Sturgis: What's in the box? Nothing.
Sheldon: It's not nothing. Air, atoms, molecules... That empty box is as full as full can be.