Missy: Oh, you could go on Jeopardy!
Sheldon: Never. I don't like answers in the form of questions. I like my answers in the form of answers, and my questions in the form of questions, thank you. Ooh, perhaps I could sell story ideas to TV shows like Star Trek.
Missy: Do you really think they'd listen to a kid?
Sheldon: My voice has gotten deeper. The other day, I answered the phone, and they didn't mistake me for Mom.
Missy: Star Trek's not gonna buy your stupid ideas.
Sheldon: We'll see about that. I have one where the Enterprise falls into a time tunnel, and Worf becomes a Worf from 12 minutes in the future.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: "Ergo"?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Pastor Jeff: Come on up here, Sheldon. Let's hear what you got.
Sheldon: I've spent the last week studying what people believe, and I've come to a conclusion.
Pastor Jeff: And what's that?
Sheldon: I'm starting my own religion.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: I'm calling it Mathology. It's based on a universal binary system.
Pastor Jeff: That's terrific, Sheldon, but this is a Baptist Sunday school.
Sheldon: I know, I'm here to convert everybody. Any takers?
Pastor Jeff: Okay. Let's go have a talk with your mom.
Sheldon: The only sin in Mathology is being stupid.

Mary: Too bad. We are going.
Sheldon: Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.
Mary: Sheldon, do not argue with me. You are going home.
Sheldon: Mom, the people of Germany are obsessed with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

Meemaw: [on the phone] But I want to be clear, this is just one of those... Whatcha call it... Uh, platonic things. We're just having dinner.
Dr. Linkletter: I'll take it. Now, would you prefer a restaurant or some good home cooking? I make seven kinds of soup.
Meemaw: I think I'll just stick with a restaurant.
Dr. Linkletter: Fair enough, but one day, you'll try my mushroom barley, and your taste buds will swoon.
Meemaw: Good night, Grant. [starts to put down phone]
Dr. Linkletter: The secret is how long I cook the onions.

Meemaw: So... this is unexpected.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I know you like margaritas, so my first thought was a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Good thought.
Dr. Linkletter: But I assumed other men had come to that same conclusion.
Meemaw: They have.
Dr. Linkletter: Which led me to Polynesian fare. I like to think of the Mai Tai as the margarita of the South Pacific.
Meemaw: You don't do anything on a whim, do you?
Dr. Linkletter: Did once, didn't like it.

Missy: We could let people punch you for a buck.
Sheldon: No, all our profit would just go to medical expenses.