Sheldon: [on the phone] What do you mean, he hasn't read my fax? Is he aware I'm a shareholder? Well, where's the next shareholders' meeting? Fort Worth? I could barely get my mom to drive me to church.

Paige: You didn't stay for the Q and A.
Sheldon: I had no Q's, and therefore, needed no A's.

Paige: You got a roommate?
Sheldon: No, it's a single.
Paige: I have a chaperone. Mona. She's, like, 30. It's the worst.
Sheldon: Why do you need a chaperone?
Paige: Maybe they think I'm, like, some kind of troublemaker.
Sheldon: As the owner of the face you punched, they're right.

Paige: So, did you guys get, like, assigned to look after Sheldon or something?
Darren: No, he ended up in the room next door.
Oscar: So we took him in, like a dog.
Paige: Him being so young isn't, like, weird?
Sheldon: I'm basically 50.
Darren: And we're basically 12, so it all works out.

Missy: What else you bringing her?
Sheldon: Toothbrush, toothpaste, pajamas, and these feminine napkins. Is one box enough?
Missy: Should be plenty.
Sheldon: I hope so. She's been awfully moody.
Missy: Maybe you aren't the best person to be handling this.
Sheldon: Agreed, but I'm all she's got.
Missy: I feel like you should tell Mom.
Sheldon: I promised I wouldn't.
Missy: I know, but this sounds serious.
Sheldon: I got her a toothbrush and lady pads, what more can I do?

Meemaw: You haven't said a thing about my new car.
Sheldon: Oh. I hate it.

Sheldon: Guess what. Dr. Sturgis, Dr. Linkletter and I are starting an Isaac Asimov book club.
Meemaw: That's nice.
Sheldon: I'm glad you think so because you should join.
Meemaw: And I think... no.
Sheldon: But this is perfect for you.
Meemaw: Why?
Sheldon: Because three smart people will be there to explain things that go over your head.
Meemaw: I'm gonna bonk you over your head in a minute.

Sheldon: What if it's just a short story? Would you read it then?
Meemaw: Why do you care if I read this?
Sheldon: Let's see. Perhaps it has something to do with Pop Pop dying before we ever got to discuss the books he gave me.
Meemaw: How short a story?
Sheldon: Nightfall's only 30 pages.
Meemaw: Fine.
Sheldon: Excellent. Why did you change your mind?
Meemaw: Because you made me feel bad about my dead husband.
Sheldon: Neat.

Sheldon: Mom, have you seen my Thursday socks? I looked in my drawer and I could only find Wednesday and Friday.
Mary: Thursday's are in the dryer.
Sheldon: Mm. [opens dryer] Oh. Here's the little rascals.

Sheldon: What do you think is going on?
Missy: I don't know, but I'm telling you, it's bad.
Sheldon: Not necessarily. Maybe they're planning a surprise party for us.
Missy: Our birthday isn't for months.
Sheldon: True. Maybe they needed some lead time. You can't expect Stephen Hawking to roll in at a moment's notice.

George Sr.: Come on, I'm taking you both to school. Let's move it. [exits]
Missy: He looks terrible.
Sheldon: He has had heart problems, plus he's been having a rough time at work.
Missy: Not to mention he's pretty chunky.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. I wonder if RadioShack makes a defibrillator.

Sheldon: Are they getting married?
Mary: We don't know, but probably.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: [scoffs] It would be better for them and better for the baby.
George Sr.: And better for you so your church friends don't get bent out of shape.
Mary: We'll talk about this later.
Sheldon: Ooh, a subcommittee just formed. Exciting.

Mary: The important thing is, is that you both need to keep this quiet. This is family business.
Sheldon: I have to keep a secret? I'm not good at those.
George Sr.: It's not a secret. No one's gonna ask you about it. It's just a thing you don't need to bring up.
Sheldon: But what if I do?
George Sr.: What if you don't?
Sheldon: But now it's all I can think about. What if my mouth loses control?
Mary: You're good at keeping promises, right?
Sheldon: Very. Great.
Mary: Then promise you won't tell anybody.
Sheldon: That's an interesting work-around. However...
Mary: You're not telling anyone.
Sheldon: Fine.

Dr. Linkletter: What is the angular momentum of the neutron and the proton inside deuterium? [no hands go up] No one? Really? Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes?
Dr. Linkletter: What is the angular momentum of the neutron and the proton inside deuterium?
Sheldon: Oh, um, "L" equals zero.
Dr. Linkletter: Close. You're missing the four percent admixture of "L" equals two.
Sheldon: Sorry. I'm a little distracted.
Dr. Linkletter: It happens. Anyway...
Sheldon: Normally, I would have gotten that right.
Dr. Linkletter: I have no doubt. Anyway...
Sheldon: There are just some things going on at home, and I'm not allowed to talk about it.
Dr. Linkletter: And we don't want to hear about it.
Sheldon: I can tell you no one's sick in case you're concerned.
Dr. Linkletter: Anyone concerned? Show of hands. [no hands go up] No? Moving on.
Sheldon: That's why I got the answer wrong.
Dr. Linkletter: Son, it's just a mistake. Everyone makes them.
Sheldon: [inner monologue] Like my brother Georgie did when he got that girl pregnant. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. [Sheldon's hand shoots up]
Dr. Linkletter: What?
Sheldon: I need to use the restroom.
Dr. Linkletter: This is college. Just go. [Sheldon rushes out] You, red shirt. Lock the door.

Sheldon: Sorry again for being distracted earlier.
Dr. Linkletter: And I'm so sorry you got locked out. I don't know how that happened.
Sheldon: My brother got a girl pregnant. My mom wanted me to promise I wouldn't tell, but I never did, so technically, I'm not breaking my word.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't care.
Sheldon: Thank you. But it's a secret, so please don't tell anyone.
Dr. Linkletter: Don't you have somewhere to go?
Sheldon: No.

Sheldon: Now my mom wants them to get married, but it doesn't sound like the girl's willing.
Dr. Linkletter: Why are you still talking to me?
Sheldon: You and I just click.

Billy Sparks: What's going on?
Missy: What's going on is people are talking about my brother behind my back instead of saying it to my face.
Sheldon: She's talking about Georgie, not me. People talk about me behind my back, but it's about how smart I am.

George Jr.: You can't go around hitting people.
Missy: I had to do something.
Sheldon: Me too.
Missy: What did you do?
Sheldon: I ran and told the nearest adult.
George Jr.: I don't want you getting in trouble for me.
Missy: But Danny says you're going to hell.
George Jr.: I'm there now. Promise me.
Missy: Fine.
George Jr.: And I know you ain't hitting nobody.
Sheldon: You are correct, sir.

Mary: Should you really be reading in the car, baby?
Sheldon: I'll be fine.
Mary: You sure? You're not the one who'll have to clean up the oatmeal back there.
Sheldon: I said I'll be fine. And it's the blueberries you should be worried about.
Mary: Well, you're in a mood.
Sheldon: Maybe because there was so much bickering going on at home that I couldn't study.
Mary: Oh, I'm sorry if our family problems are getting in the way of your schoolwork.
Sheldon: I accept your apology. [vomits]
Mary: Oh...
Sheldon: Yep, blueberries.

Wendy: This is... just a pimple.
Sheldon: Well, how can you be sure it isn't chickenpox? Or smallpox? Or monkeypox, which I know sounds made-up, but is very real.
Wendy: Have you been near any monkeys?
Sheldon: No.
Wendy: Try benzoyl peroxide. It's over the counter.
[fantasy: A.V. and Pus:]
A.V.: Oh, no, not... benzoyl peroxide. [high-pitched] I'm melting! I'm melting! [normal voice] Give me a break.
[reality:]
Sheldon: But a pimple is a sign of puberty, and I'm showing no other indicators. No armpit or chest hair, and I have so little interest in the opposite sex, I barely noticed you're a woman.
Wendy: Thank you.