Sheldon: [on the phone] What do you mean, he hasn't read my fax? Is he aware I'm a shareholder? Well, where's the next shareholders' meeting? Fort Worth? I could barely get my mom to drive me to church.

Adult Sheldon: While my sister was starting her business, I was trying to save mine.
Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. May I speak to CEO John Roach, please? It's regarding our stock taking a small dip, and I'd like to hear his game plan. Well, I'm busy, too, but I made the time to call. Fine, may I please speak to your COO? CFO? CTO? Hello?

Adult Sheldon: My sister had taken a different path with her money.
Sheldon: What is that?
Missy: It's a cotton candy machine.
Sheldon: Why?
Missy: It's a machine that makes free cotton candy.
Sheldon: It's not free, you paid for it.
Missy: Meemaw paid for it. And it's still better than lame stocks.
Sheldon: You're going to end up with a stomachache while I get to be part of America's favorite electronics retailer.

Adult Sheldon: I'd only been a shareholder for one day and I was already reveling in the giddy thrill in being part owner of a thriving tech company.
Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, RadioShack. Sheldon Cooper, shareholder. I just wanted to let you know I'm so excited to be part of the team. While I sound young, rest assured, I'm far more intelligent than my age would imply. So if there's anything I can do to help, budgeting, product design, finding a word more impressive than "shack," I'm your man.

Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, why are you at my desk?
Sheldon: I like your keyboard. The ones at the library are too clacky.
Dr. Linkletter: I thought you were going to join a club.
Sheldon: I tried, but they each had their own problems.
Dr. Linkletter: By chance, were any of those problems you?
Sheldon: You're so funny. I missed this.

Sheldon: Here you go. 473 grease-free bolts.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent.
Sheldon: Now what? How about I help you design an even better solar neutrino detector?
Dr. Linkletter: Actually, what I need you to do is... take this grease and put it on these bolts.
Sheldon: But I just took the grease off the bolts.
Dr. Linkletter: That was the wrong grease. This is the right grease. Have at it.
Sheldon: If this is some kind of test to get me to quit, it's not going to work.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't know what you were expecting, but this is a menial job. After this, I need you to sort a crate of resistors, strip a case of wire and then sweep up.
Sheldon: Oh. Then I quit.

Adult Sheldon: The next day, Dr. Linkletter ran his experiment. I'm proud to say I never broke my word, and he eventually figured out the problem. [flames wooshing]
Dr. Linkletter: Fire! Fire! Fire! Was it too much oxygen in the reagents?
Sheldon: See? You didn't need my help after all.

Adult Sheldon: After a few short weeks as a full-time college student, I am proud to say the transition had gone quite nicely. My classes were going well, I knew my way around campus and I had an active and vibrant social life.
Sheldon: There you are.
Dr. Linkletter: Why are you here?
Sheldon: Lunch. Don't worry, I didn't start without you.
Dr. Linkletter: How did you get in?
Sheldon: Janitor Jim.
Dr. Linkletter: And why would Janitor Jim do that?
Sheldon: You're not my only friend around here.

Sheldon: You can't be too young if you're an aphid, some of them are born pregnant.
Missy: [to Mary] I didn't do anything wrong. I just asked some questions.
Mary: Well, you can ask me.
Missy: I'm not asking you anything, ever. [storms out]
Sheldon: It's just her hormones. Would you like to learn more? When children reach adolescence, a cascade of hormones are released...

Sheldon: I'll trade you my apple slices for your pudding cup.
Dr. Linkletter: No.
Sheldon: Aren't you a little old for a pudding cup?
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, surely there's somebody else you could have lunch with.
Sheldon: There is, but the lunch rush is a busy time for janitors.
Dr. Linkletter: Perhaps you could work on widening your social circles here.
Sheldon: I'm already at two. That's double where I was at high school.

Mary: So, you two are both growing up, and I thought that maybe it might be time to have a talk about... that and some of the things that go along with... that.
Missy: [whispers] What is happening?
Sheldon: I think she's trying to have the human reproduction talk.
Missy: Oh, God.
Mary: Uh, speaking of God, He is very clear about the do's and the don'ts, especially the don'ts.
Missy: I'm not talking about this with you.
Sheldon: I don't think you'll have any new information for me, but I'm happy to chime in with biology facts.

Sheldon: Hello, lunch friend.
Dr. Linkletter: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Egg salad. Stinky.
Dr. Linkletter: What do you want?
Sheldon: I have some bad news. I'm going to join a club on campus, which means we won't be able to have lunch together.
Dr. Linkletter: Wonderful! For you. Sad for me. Mmm. Happy trails.
Sheldon: Oh, no, we're still having lunch today. You get to help me decide which club I should join.
Dr. Linkletter: Terrific.

Adult Sheldon: For some reason, Dr. Linkletter felt it was important that I start my quest to join a club immediately. The interview process was tougher than you'd expect.
[title: Chess Club:]
Sheldon: So why exactly should I join your club?
Chris: Well, cool people, good chess players, and when the weather's nice, we meet in the quad.
Sheldon: Outside?
Chris: Yes.
Sheldon: Under trees?
Chris: Yes.
Sheldon: Where birds live?
Chris: Yes.
Sheldon: I think we're done here.

[title: Debate Club:]
Sheldon: Proposition: the newest member of the Debate Club should be Sheldon Cooper. You're the affirmative. Go.
Ashley: Who's Sheldon Cooper?
Sheldon: Me. And I believe I should not join the debate team because there are far more valuable uses of my time.
Ashley: Do you want to join or not?
Sheldon: That's the debate, isn't it?
Ashley: I don't know what's happening.
Sheldon: If you're thrown for a loop, wait until you hear my rebuttal. Sheldon Cooper should not join the debate team because your leadership is clearly questionable.
Ashley: Okay, you're not in the club.
Sheldon: Ha! I win. Wait.

Meemaw: What's going on in there?
Sheldon: This is a prototype of a solar neutrino detector. We need to keep the sphere suspended precisely in the scintillator.
Dr. Linkletter: Speaking of scintillating...
Meemaw: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Sorry. [the sphere falls]
Sheldon: Darn it.
Dr. Linkletter: Ah, the oil must've dissolved the adhesive.
Meemaw: Well... ready to hit the road?
Sheldon: Please, not yet. We're so close to cracking this.
Dr. Linkletter: Just ten more minutes?
Meemaw: Fine.
Sheldon: Oh, boy.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes!

Dr. Linkletter: [answers phone] Grant Linkletter.
Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, Sheldon Cooper. I wanted to let you know I won't be in class today.
Dr. Linkletter: Is everything all right?
Sheldon: Yes, but in the interest of self-preservation, I've decided to avoid traveling in motor vehicles.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sure there's a story behind that.
Sheldon: There is.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't want to hear it.
Sheldon: So, how shall we handle today's class?
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I'm sure you can get notes from another student.
Sheldon: Or you could give the lecture to me right now.
Dr. Linkletter: That's preposterous.
Sheldon: Why? We could be creating a new model of education where students could learn remotely. It could be the wave of the future.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, it's your responsibility to come to class, not mine to bring the class to you.
Sheldon: My meemaw gets cranky like this when she's hungover. Is that what's happening here?

Adult Sheldon: People often ask why I was so resistant to getting a driver's license. My spotty history with motor vehicles was certainly a factor.
[flashback: Georgie driving Sheldon and Missy to the hospital:]
Sheldon: Please slow down.
George Jr.: I'm going eight miles an hour. A cow just passed us.
Missy: You're gonna hit it!
[flashback: George driving through a car wash with Sheldon:]
Sheldon: Make it stop!
George Sr.: It's just a car wash.
Sheldon: Do something!
George Sr.: It's just a car wash.
Sheldon: We're gonna die!
George Sr.: Just a car wash.
[flashback to Sheldon on a go kart:]
Sheldon: Why did I agree to this? I don't care for this at all.

Meemaw: I think this might be my finest work.
Sheldon: And she made my dinner mittens, so that means a lot.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh. I can't thank you enough. Shall we apply the empirical method?
Meemaw: Yes, the empirical method. Let's apply that.

Dr. Linkletter: [to Meemaw] I admire your bravado.
Sheldon: In this case, isn't it the feminine, "bravada"?
Dr. Linkletter: I've never heard the term "bravada." Let's just go with "chutzpah."
Sheldon: What's chutzpah?
Dr. Linkletter: It's like moxie.
Sheldon: Oh, I do like moxie.
Dr. Linkletter: [to Meemaw] I admire your moxie. However, I believe that nylon thread would be the best choice.
Sheldon: True, it's chemically inert and would allow more light to pass through.
Meemaw: Nylon thread. Done.
Dr. Linkletter: Brava. That one I know is a word.

Adult Sheldon: My role as Dr. Linkletter's lab assistant was progressing nicely. I had mastered operating the manual particle collector, aka a broom. I may not always recognize sarcasm, but I sure know how to use it.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, I've hit a bit of a roadblock with the solar neutrino detector. Why don't you come have a look?
Sheldon: Are you saying you would like me to take part in your experiment?
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I think a fresh set of eyes might be helpful.
Sheldon: Because my previous observations proved correct?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes.
Sheldon: And had you listened to me, the lab wouldn't have caught fire?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes.
Sheldon: So just to be clear, at the tender age of 11, I'll be officially participating in an academic study.
Dr. Linkletter: Will you do it or not?
Sheldon: Absolutely. [hands Dr. Linkletter the broom] Here you go.
Dr. Linkletter: What am I supposed to do with this?
Sheldon: Well, if you can't figure that out, no wonder you need my help.