Sheldon: Missy?
Missy: 'Sup?
Sheldon: Can I borrow one of your Sassy magazines?
Missy: I knew it. Okay, look, I'm cool with this, but do not tell Dad.
Sheldon: Tell him what?

Missy: Meemaw picked me up in her new car.
Meemaw: We drove with the top down. A truck driver honked at us. [chuckles]
Missy: It was awesome.
Meemaw: See? Missy loves my car. I don't know what Dale's problem is.
Missy: You're too good for him anyway.
Mary: Should she really be hearing about all this?
Missy: Mom, she just got dumped. It's what you do. Ooh, is any of his stuff at your house? Let's set it on fire.
Mary: Don't you have homework?
Missy: My grandma's hurting. She needs me.
Mary: Go.

Missy: Think they'd pay a dollar apiece?
George Jr.: Sure. Just tell them it's a special limited edition. People go nuts for that.
Missy: [gasps] Like the Shamrock Shake.
George Jr.: Exactly.
Missy: Every year, I'm like, "This tastes like toothpaste." But every year, I buy it.

Missy: So, I said 70 cents for one or two for a dollar, and everyone bought two.
George Jr.: People love a deal.
Missy: I know. I sold out.
George Jr.: Then you got to start charging more.
Missy: How much more?
George Jr.: Just raise the price a little at a time until you see your profits top out.
Missy: I'm learning, but it's fun. This is weird.

Adult Sheldon: Grandmas love to spoil their grandchildren. Especially when the grandma has a suitcase full of cash she doesn't know what to do with.
Missy: Whoa.
Sheldon: Oh, my. Did you mean to give us ten dollar bills? Because these are hundreds.
Missy: I'm gonna kick your ass.
Meemaw: I know it's a lot, but why not see you enjoy it while I'm still around?
Missy: Ooh, there's an inheritance, too?
Meemaw: Well, depends on how you treat me in my golden years.
Sheldon: I'm not interested in your money, Meemaw.
Missy: You're pretty and I love you.
Meemaw: Now, don't you have something to say to me?
Sheldon: Thank you.
Missy: I'm rich.

George Sr.: Okay. Foot on the brake.
Missy: Which one's that?
George Sr.: Oh, boy. The one on the left.
Missy: Got it.
George Sr.: All right. Now pull the shifter toward you and then down to "D," like this. Here. [gear shifts] All right? Now, the most important step. Do not ever tell your mother we did this.
Missy: I'm not an idiot. Let's go.
George Sr.: [sighs] All right. Now take your foot off the brake and gently put it on the... [tires screech]
Missy: [laughs] I'm driving!

George Sr.: Boy, I am stuffed.
Missy: You know, if you're too full to drive, I could help.
George Sr.: You're not driving my truck.
Missy: Come on. Just here in the parking lot?
George Sr.: No.
Missy: Please, Daddy?
George Sr.: I know what you're doing.
Missy: Creating memories that'll last a lifetime?

Missy: What's with the maps?
Sheldon: I'm going with Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter to a radio telescope in the Davis Mountains.
Missy: [sighs] Of course you are.
George Sr.: Problem?
Missy: Nope. He gets to do whatever he wants, and I'm not even allowed to go the beach with my friends.
George Sr.: It's just a school trip.
Missy: It's fine.

Missy: So, this Dr. Lee is turning your friends against you?
Sheldon: Essentially.
Missy: Classic move. Most girls you find crying in the school bathroom, that was it.
Sheldon: What do I do?
Missy: Well, you're in a tough spot 'cause your personality is ugh.
Sheldon: There's enough people being mean to me right now.
Missy: Sorry.
Sheldon: Can you help me or not?
Missy: It's you against a bunch of college professors. I don't think you can win this one. [Sheldon starts to walk away] Oh. Do any of them have pimples?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: Too bad, I've done a lot of damage with "pizza face."

Meemaw: Is that why you got on sweat pants?
Missy: It gets worse.
Meemaw: Oh, boy.
Missy: I came home, and I was in the bathroom, and I saw Mom's leg razor.
Meemaw: Oh, no. Please tell me you also saw shaving cream.
Missy: [shakes head] I didn't.
Meemaw: Soap? [Missy keeps shaking her head] Water? Lotion? Anything?
[Meemaw is speechless as Missy rolls up her pant leg]

Missy: I was wearing the new skirt, and I felt really good.
[flashback:]
Heather B.: Cute skirt.
Missy: Thanks.
Heather M.: Your legs are so hairy.
Heather B.: Ew.
Heather M.: Gross.
[present:]
Meemaw: Those bitches.
Missy: [sobbing] Thank you.

Missy: I believe in you, Mom.
Mary: Thank you, honey. But you're not getting free makeup.
Missy: [sighs] Dang it.

Adult Sheldon: While researching how to spend my first collegiate spring break, my sister led me to a documentary on the subject.
Sheldon: Are they screaming for help?
Missy: No. They're having fun.
Sheldon: Are we watching the same show?
Missy: They were stuck in school all year. Now they're going wild.
Sheldon: Clearly. I don't see a single lifeguard.
Missy: You don't have to go to the beach. Just do something besides school.
Sheldon: There is science that suggests taking breaks refreshes the mind and boosts brain function.
Missy: Good. Because the minute I'm old enough, that's gonna be me out there.
Sheldon: You better learn to swim, because no one there's gonna help you.

Mary: What are you girls reading?
Missy: Christian Teen. It's such a good one.
Mary: Oh.
[Mary takes the magazine off Missy and finds another magazine, Sassy, inside it]
Mary: Really, girls?
Missy: How'd you know?
Mary: Because I am your mother and I know everything. [returns Christian Teen. You can keep this one.
[After Missy discards the Christian magazine, she notices Sheldon watching her and smiling. He quickly looks away.]

Missy: You guys want to play sardines?
Billy Sparks: What's that?
Missy: It's like hide-and-seek except one person hides and everyone else tries to find them.
Sheldon: That sounds like an acceptable form of fun.
Missy: It's only fun when we have a really good hider, so not you.
Sheldon: Hold on, I'm an excellent hider. Do you know how many small spaces I've been stuffed into in my life?
Missy: All right, go hide. We'll close our eyes and count to 20.
Billy Sparks: One. Two. Three.
Missy: Why are you counting?
Billy Sparks: I don't know.

Mary: I have something fun for us to do on Saturday night.
Missy: Ooh, what?
Mary: The church is thinking...
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Ugh.
Mary: Hold on. We're gonna do an overnight lock-in with pizza and games and movies.
Missy: Boys and girls?
Mary: Yes.
Missy: I got to find cute pajamas.

George Sr.: So those are the Clampetts, and they moved from the backwoods to Beverly Hills.
Missy: Oh, in 90210 the Walshes moved from Minnesota.
George Sr.: They have a hard time fitting in with those California snobs?
Missy: Oh, yeah.
George Sr.: These guys do, too.
Missy: It's practically the same show.

Missy: [answers phone] Hello? Sheldon, it's for you.
Sheldon: Who is it?
Missy: Who is it? Travis.
George Sr.: Who's Travis?
Missy: Who are you? Friend of Sheldon's.
George Sr.: Really?
Missy: Really?

Missy: Wait, he has a room here and at school?
George Sr.: Well, it's just for downtime in between classes.
Missy: [sighs] Why is his life constantly better than mine?
Sheldon: That's a question you should get used to asking.
Mary: Don't be rude. And you have a very nice life.
Missy: Yeah, yeah, loving parents, blah, blah, blah.

Missy: How can you remember this stupid information, but not the stuff on your test?
Sheldon: You tell me, they're your yips.
Missy: Sheldon, if I knew how to make it stop, I would tell you.
Sheldon: You better.
Missy: Maybe it's puberty making you all emotional.
Sheldon: I checked my armpits... Smooth as balloons. [Missy groans]