Missy: Wait, he has a room here and at school?
George Sr.: Well, it's just for downtime in between classes.
Missy: [sighs] Why is his life constantly better than mine?
Sheldon: That's a question you should get used to asking.
Mary: Don't be rude. And you have a very nice life.
Missy: Yeah, yeah, loving parents, blah, blah, blah.

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

[Sheldon sits on the top of the couch with his feet on the cushion]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm practicing the philosophy of cynicism... The ancient Greek view that the rules of society should be ignored.
Missy: If you're gonna break rules, you can do better than that.
Sheldon: How?
[Missy pushes Sheldon off the couch]

Sam: This is so unfair. You get so much more than every other student.
Sheldon: Fair isn't everyone getting the same thing. Fair is everyone getting what they deserve.
Sam: Sheldon, that arrogant attitude is why no one sits with you in class or lunch or ever.
Sheldon: Well, I like to think that they're maintaining a respectful distance out of deference to my intellect.
Sam: No. That's not what they're doing. They're avoiding you because you're an entitled brat who thinks that you're better than everybody else.
Sheldon: So, I should just pretend I'm less intelligent than I am?
Sam: You should realize that there are more important things in life than how smart you are.
Sheldon: Well, I'm also cute as a button, but it seems shallow to say it. [an exasperated Sam walks away] You could say it.

Dr. John Sturgis: You see, humans have evolved as social animals, so your feeling hurt might be a deep evolutionary desire to cooperate with others to ensure your survival.
Sheldon: So, you're saying it makes sociobiological sense to want other people to like me?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes, and you may even get benefits from it. It's like on that show you enjoy, Star Track.
Sheldon: Trek.
Dr. John Sturgis: Right. Captain Kirk can't do it all by himself. He needs Doctor Spock.
Sheldon: Mister.
Dr. John Sturgis: Right. And Mister McCoy.
Sheldon: Doctor.
Dr. John Sturgis: Right.
Sheldon: Well, technically, they were his subordinate officers, but Kirk did always deal with them in a friendly manner, so I take your point.
Dr. John Sturgis: Good man.
Sheldon: I suppose I could treat it like an experiment. Run an analysis of the benefits of having people like me.
Dr. John Sturgis: That sounds like an idea the Captain, the Doctor, or the Mister would be proud of.
Sheldon: Excellent.
Dr. John Sturgis: You know, you'd think a smart fella like Spock would have a doctorate.
Sheldon: Actually, Spock rejected an offer from the Vulcan Science Academy in order to attend Starfleet.
Dr. John Sturgis: Huh. Not the choice I would have made, but I'm happy for him.

President Hagemeyer: Here we are.
Sheldon: [chuckles] What is this?
President Hagemeyer: A dorm room, and it's all yours. You can study, take naps, do whatever you want.
Sheldon: No one's living here?
President Hagemeyer: Well, we had an Indian exchange student, but he developed a taste for barbecue, so his parents made him go home.
Sheldon: Well, thank you for this.
President Hagemeyer: You're welcome.
Sheldon: It's like I always say, never underestimate the power of complaining.
Adult Sheldon: I've been testing that theory for decades, still works like gangbusters.