Adult Sheldon: When children reach adolescence, a cascade of hormones are released... causing mood swings, impulsive behavior and an unbelievable amount of eye rolling.
George Sr.: [cheers] I knew it. [Missy rolls her eyes]
Adult Sheldon: During this time of change, members of the opposite sex who caught my sister's fancy included: New Kids on the Block, Rufio from the movie Hook, and, oddly enough, our new Sunday school teacher, Pastor Rob.
Missy: Was Mary Magdalene Jesus's girlfriend?
Pastor Rob: No, just one of his followers. Yeah, Jesus didn't have a girlfriend.
Missy: Do you have a girlfriend?
Pastor Rob: No. No, I don't.
Billy Sparks: I don't have a girlfriend either.
Pastor Rob: All right. You and me, Billy, couple of bachelors.

Missy: So boyfriends and girlfriends are okay?
Pastor Rob: The way I see it, God is love, so if we love someone else in a committed relationship, we're feeling God.
Missy: So, holding hands is okay?
Pastor Rob: Sure.
Missy: What about kissing?
Pastor Rob: Maybe at some point, when you're older.
Missy: And what exactly is third base?

Mary: Is Georgie here?
George Sr.: No, I think he's still at work.
Mary: Do you know that that Laundromat is just a front for gambling?
Missy: Cool.
Mary: Missy Cooper, that was not for your ears. Go to your room.

Mary: My mother is running a gambling room out of the back of the Laundromat, and she has Georgie helping her.
George Sr.: They never invited me.
Mary: George. We have to get him out of there.
George Sr.: Mary, we told him not to drop out of school, he dropped out of school. Told him he couldn't have girls in the garage, he has girls in the garage.
Mary: He does?
Missy: [o.s.] So many.
Mary: [scoffs] Missy!
Missy: [o.s.] I'm in my room.
Mary: Well, close the door. [Missy's door creaky slowly] All the way. [door closes]

Missy: How can you remember this stupid information, but not the stuff on your test?
Sheldon: You tell me, they're your yips.
Missy: Sheldon, if I knew how to make it stop, I would tell you.
Sheldon: You better.
Missy: Maybe it's puberty making you all emotional.
Sheldon: I checked my armpits... Smooth as balloons. [Missy groans]

George Sr.: So those are the Clampetts, and they moved from the backwoods to Beverly Hills.
Missy: Oh, in 90210 the Walshes moved from Minnesota.
George Sr.: They have a hard time fitting in with those California snobs?
Missy: Oh, yeah.
George Sr.: These guys do, too.
Missy: It's practically the same show.

Mary: I have something fun for us to do on Saturday night.
Missy: Ooh, what?
Mary: The church is thinking...
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Ugh.
Mary: Hold on. We're gonna do an overnight lock-in with pizza and games and movies.
Missy: Boys and girls?
Mary: Yes.
Missy: I got to find cute pajamas.

Mary: What are you girls reading?
Missy: Christian Teen. It's such a good one.
Mary: Oh.
[Mary takes the magazine off Missy and finds another magazine, Sassy, inside it]
Mary: Really, girls?
Missy: How'd you know?
Mary: Because I am your mother and I know everything. [returns Christian Teen. You can keep this one.
[After Missy discards the Christian magazine, she notices Sheldon watching her and smiling. He quickly looks away.]

Missy: You guys want to play sardines?
Billy Sparks: What's that?
Missy: It's like hide-and-seek except one person hides and everyone else tries to find them.
Sheldon: That sounds like an acceptable form of fun.
Missy: It's only fun when we have a really good hider, so not you.
Sheldon: Hold on, I'm an excellent hider. Do you know how many small spaces I've been stuffed into in my life?
Missy: All right, go hide. We'll close our eyes and count to 20.
Billy Sparks: One. Two. Three.
Missy: Why are you counting?
Billy Sparks: I don't know.

Adult Sheldon: While researching how to spend my first collegiate spring break, my sister led me to a documentary on the subject.
Sheldon: Are they screaming for help?
Missy: No. They're having fun.
Sheldon: Are we watching the same show?
Missy: They were stuck in school all year. Now they're going wild.
Sheldon: Clearly. I don't see a single lifeguard.
Missy: You don't have to go to the beach. Just do something besides school.
Sheldon: There is science that suggests taking breaks refreshes the mind and boosts brain function.
Missy: Good. Because the minute I'm old enough, that's gonna be me out there.
Sheldon: You better learn to swim, because no one there's gonna help you.

Missy: I believe in you, Mom.
Mary: Thank you, honey. But you're not getting free makeup.
Missy: [sighs] Dang it.

Missy: I was wearing the new skirt, and I felt really good.
[flashback:]
Heather B.: Cute skirt.
Missy: Thanks.
Heather M.: Your legs are so hairy.
Heather B.: Ew.
Heather M.: Gross.
[present:]
Meemaw: Those bitches.
Missy: [sobbing] Thank you.

Meemaw: Is that why you got on sweat pants?
Missy: It gets worse.
Meemaw: Oh, boy.
Missy: I came home, and I was in the bathroom, and I saw Mom's leg razor.
Meemaw: Oh, no. Please tell me you also saw shaving cream.
Missy: [shakes head] I didn't.
Meemaw: Soap? [Missy keeps shaking her head] Water? Lotion? Anything?
[Meemaw is speechless as Missy rolls up her pant leg]

Adult Sheldon: Grandmas love to spoil their grandchildren. Especially when the grandma has a suitcase full of cash she doesn't know what to do with.
Missy: Whoa.
Sheldon: Oh, my. Did you mean to give us ten dollar bills? Because these are hundreds.
Missy: I'm gonna kick your ass.
Meemaw: I know it's a lot, but why not see you enjoy it while I'm still around?
Missy: Ooh, there's an inheritance, too?
Meemaw: Well, depends on how you treat me in my golden years.
Sheldon: I'm not interested in your money, Meemaw.
Missy: You're pretty and I love you.
Meemaw: Now, don't you have something to say to me?
Sheldon: Thank you.
Missy: I'm rich.

Missy: So, I said 70 cents for one or two for a dollar, and everyone bought two.
George Jr.: People love a deal.
Missy: I know. I sold out.
George Jr.: Then you got to start charging more.
Missy: How much more?
George Jr.: Just raise the price a little at a time until you see your profits top out.
Missy: I'm learning, but it's fun. This is weird.

Missy: Here you go. There's an article about what your lip gloss flavor says about you. I'm sweet and fun like a strawberry.
Sheldon: I don't care.

Missy: Do you think Pastor Jeff will let me babysit for him?
Mary: I don't know. Their baby isn't even a year old yet.
Missy: Heather M. got ten bucks, and all she did was watch MTV while her cousin slept. [scoffs] What a scam.
Mary: It's not always that easy.
Missy: They lay there like a lump. How hard can it be? [Mary sighs] Will you please just ask Pastor Jeff?
Mary: I... I don't think you're gonna like it.
Missy: You don't think I'm responsible enough.
Mary: All I said was I don't think you're gonna like it.
Missy: I don't like homework, but I do it.
Mary: I have seen your homework. Is that how you're gonna take care of a baby?
Missy: Math is harder than babies.

Missy: I'm going to Pastor Jeff's.
Mary: Oh, uh, okay. Good luck. Call if you need anything.
Missy: Yeah.
Mary: You know, I was thinking, if you want, you could bring the baby here. That could be fun.
Missy: To a house that isn't babyproofed? That seems irresponsible. [walks off]
Mary: Uh-huh.

[When Missy doesn't respond as Sheldon knocks on her door while she sings along to "Achy Breaky Heart", Sheldon leans in and grabs a plush toy from Missy's bed and throws it at her head]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: It felt weird coming in without being invited.
Missy: That's because everything you do is weird.

Missy: Where's Mom and Dad?
Sheldon: I don't know. I just got home and no one's here.
Missy: You sure?
Sheldon: It's a tiny house and Dad's a big guy.
Missy: Thanks for the heads-up.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Missy: To watch R-rated movies until they get back, doy.