Mary: George. You need to talk to her parents.
George: Me? Why me?
Mary: Because you're more intimidating than me.
Meemaw: That's rich.

Meemaw: She says that to me all the time. I'm not even sure she does it.

Meemaw: Listen, why don't you let me talk to Brenda, and just smooth things out?
Mary: Why do you think she'll listen to you?
Meemaw: Because people like me more than you.
Mary: People like me.
Meemaw: I didn't say they don't, they just like me more.

Pastor Jeff: Ladies. Do I need to remind you that we are Christians? In all our behavior, in all our actions, we must constantly ask ourselves the question, "What would Jesus do?"
Meemaw: Can I say something?
Pastor Jeff: Would Jesus say it?
Meemaw: Never mind.

Meemaw: I'm sorry for the things I said, and, you know, what happened at the bowling alley.
Brenda Sparks: As am I.
Meemaw: Here. I think this came out of your head.

Dr. John Sturgis: How's Sheldon doing?
Meemaw: What?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon. You were talking to Sheldon.
Meemaw: Oh right, yes. Did you know he has a picture of that fella Feynman in his bedroom?
Dr. John Sturgis: What? So do I!
Meemaw: Peas in a pod.

Mary: So, you're really gonna date two men simultaneously?
Meemaw: Two that you know of.
Mary: Oh, Mom.
Meemaw: Come on, don't be such a prude. I'm not gonna have any babies. I don't need these men to take care of me. Why shouldn't I just enjoy myself?
Mary: Well, it isn't very Christian of you.
Meemaw: I got no argument there. Salute! Yeah, that fixed it.

Meemaw: Go home before I call the police.
Sheldon: You wouldn't call the police on your Moonpie.
Meemaw: Then I'll call your mother.
Sheldon: That you would do.
Meemaw: And leave my extra key behind.
Sheldon: Aw.
Meemaw: [mocking tone] Aw.

Mary: The bartender asked to see my I.D.
Meemaw: Honey, he does that to get tips. He asked me for mine, too.
Mary: Well, I like to think we're both young attractive ladies.
Meemaw: To that old fart? Yeah.

Pastor Jeff:And Jacob said: "For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved."
Sheldon: Is this an appropriate time to mention that John 1:18 says, "No man hath seen God at any time." Who's right? Jacob or John?
Mary: Let's talk about it in the car.
[Meemaw raises her hand]
Pastor Jeff: Yes, Connie?
Meemaw: My grandson has a question. Let 'er rip, kid.

Meemaw: Look at you, just wheeling and dealing like a big-time Hollywood producer. Maybe you're in the wrong business.
Mary: Being a mother?
Meemaw: Being a Christian.
Mary: Ah.

Mr. Lundy: Greetings!
Mary: Oh, good! Mr. Lundy, you made it.
Mr. Lundy: Oh, we're gonna be working together. You can call me Gene.
Mary: All right, Gene, this is my mother, Connie.
Mr. Lundy: Hi.
Meemaw: Hello.
Mr. Lundy: Now, I would've bet she was your big sister.
Meemaw: I thought you said he was a good actor.

Mr. Lundy: Now, the script calls for me to appear from beneath the house in a cloud of smoke.
But I think that's gonna be ambitious.
Mary: Script? What script?
Mr. Lundy: Oh, I wrote a script. Don't worry about it.
Mary: I was gonna write the script.
Mr. Lundy: Well, now you don't have to.
Mary: Do you believe this?
Meemaw: Believe it, love it, glad I didn't wait in the car.

Meemaw: Where I think you went wrong is in your timing. If you'd done this deal during a war or a plague, then you'd have a boatload of converts.

Mary: Oh, you're selling his golf clubs, too?
Meemaw: Which one of your children do you see hanging out with Arnold Palmer in the future?