Meemaw: Is it your dentist? The little guy with the glasses? You can tell me.

Meemaw: Good Lord, that mouth of yours is a machine gun tonight.

Meemaw: I think they'll be fine home alone all by themselves for a couple hours after school.
Mary: You think?
Meemaw: I do. As a matter of fact, I actually think it'll be great for them. These kids today are so coddled, I honestly think y'all are raising a whole generation of sissies.
Mary: Is that the way you speak about your grandchildren?
Meemaw: Yes.

Mary: And, as for Missy, she's just the opposite. Loves to be around people and other kids. Makes friends easy.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Does she have temper tantrums as well?
Mary: Nope. She's very even-keeled.
George Sr.: Except for when she's eating. You put your hand near her face when she's working on a lamb chop, she will bite off a finger.
Mary: [LAUGHS] Our daughter doesn't bite.
Meemaw: Right here, Thanksgiving, 1986.

Meemaw: Mazes, puzzles, panic attacks, you're in charge. Whooping monster butt, that's my purview.

Mary: Hello?
Meemaw: What?
Mary: It's past his bedtime. Let's go.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, five more minutes?
Mary: No. Now say good night to your grandson. You'll play with him again tomorrow.
Meemaw: Goodnight, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Goodnight, Meemaw.

Mary: How old are you?
Meemaw: [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Mary: And I got my answer.

George Sr.: What are you talking about?
Mary: He's only doing it 'cause of that Veronica girl.
George Sr.: Oh, sure. That makes sense.
Mary: What do you mean, it makes sense?
George Sr.: When I was his age, I hitchhiked to Florida 'cause I had a friend that had a girlfriend who knew a girl who might be willing.
Meemaw: But then you met my daughter and you didn't have to travel so far.

Mary: You know I'm right.
Meemaw: I know no such thing. It's my life, I don't have to do anything 'cause I'm "supposed to." I do it because I want to, and right now, I don't want to, end of story.

Meemaw: The best thing is for you to just forget about this Veronica girl.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: You should be playing the field, just like a bumblebee going from flower to flower.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: And don't get confused about all this love nonsense. Your freedom is the only thing that matters.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: Be a sweet boy and get Meemaw a towel.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.

Meemaw: Okay, we got a problem. I don't know what kind of religious gobbledygook you're going through, but it is starting to affect me.
Mary: Your hands aren't clean in this.
Meemaw: I beg your pardon.
Mary: Your new friend Dale is encouraging Georgie to be obsessed with money.
Meemaw: Your husband's no good at it. You ought to be happy your son is.

Mary: George is no prize either. Not worrying about what's right for Sheldon.
Meemaw: Well, what do you think is right for him?
Mary: Honestly? I don't know. I know that he's bored in high school, but he's just so young for college.
Meemaw: Well, it sounds like they're trying to set George up there for him.
Mary: I know. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not ready for my baby to grow up.
Meemaw: No mother ever is.
Mary: I just want to keep my family safe.
Meemaw: I know. But at some point, you got to let them go. And then one day, if you're lucky, they'll move across the street from you and absolutely ruin your life. Seriously, get those people out of my house.
Mary: Okay.

George Jr.: Oh, dang! Nice!
Meemaw: It ain't my first egging. Whoo! Good one!
George Jr.: Ain't mine, neither.
Meemaw: [laughs] Here's for firing my grandson... jackass!

Meemaw: Moon Pie? Good news. You could start going to your college class again.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis is back?
Meemaw: No, but his friend Dr. Linkletter is gonna let you come and take his class.
Sheldon: But I take Dr. Sturgis's class.
Meemaw: I know, but that's not an option right now, and Dr. Linkletter's been nice enough to to let you sit in on his.
Sheldon: But I like the way that Dr. Sturgis teaches.
Meemaw: Well, you might like the way that Dr. Linkletter teaches even better.
Sheldon: Is it lecture-based?
Meemaw: I don't know.
Sheldon: What's his interpretation of quantum mechanics?
Meemaw: I couldn't say.
Sheldon: Where'd he get his doctorate?
Meemaw: From the University of Shut Up and Say Thank You.
Sheldon: Thank you.

George Sr.: Connie, you've had every opportunity to give me that recipe and you never did, because you've always treated me like an outsider.
Mary: No, she has not.
Missy: Oh, of course I have.
George Sr.: See? She admits it.
Meemaw: Damn right, I do. Never thought you were good enough for my daughter. There you were, riding around on that dumb motorcycle, knocking her up.

Mary: Mom, we're home!
Meemaw: In here!
Mary: What's he doing up?
Meemaw: Losin'.
George Sr.: [firecracker pops] The hell is that?
Meemaw: I sent Georgie on a beer run, and tipped him with firecrackers.
Mary: Oh, Mom.
Meemaw: Was I supposed to stiff him?

Sheldon: What'd she say?
Meemaw: The doctors are doin' some tests, but, dollars to donuts, your daddy's just got a bad case of gas.

Meemaw: Yeah?
Mary: What took you so long to answer?
Meemaw: Powdering my nose. What's it to ya?
Mary: Sorry I asked.

Mary: How are the kids?
Meemaw: Oh. (chuckles)They were a little worried, but I handled it.
Mary: They sleepin'?
Meemaw: Um Yeah, yeah. You bet.
Mary: Thanks again for helpin'.
Meemaw: Oh, hey, these are my grandchildren. They are my blood.

Meemaw: Mary.
Mary: Mom!
Meemaw: Where are they?
Mary: Where's who?
Meemaw: (calming tone) More importantly - how is George?