Sheldon: Good bluff.
Meemaw: Shh.

Pastor Jeff: I thought I'd talk this morning about how it all began. Now, everybody knows how, on the first day of creation, God said, "Let there be light." And there was light. And when God saw that light, he knew it was good.
*Sheldon raises his hand*
Meemaw: Oh, here we go.

Mary: What's he drinking?
Meemaw: Pork chop and gravy. I snuck some broccoli in there, too. Shh.

Mary: Well, I don't know what else to do. I suggested that we take him to some kind of professional, but you said he'd outgrow it.
Meemaw: Well, if you're looking for a psychiatrist, I bet my new fella's related to one.

Meemaw: What are y'all watching?
George Jr.: Little Rascals.
Meemaw: You know most of those kids are dead, right?
Missy: What?
Meemaw: Alfalfa, Stymie, Buckwheat.
Missy: Even Petey the dog?
Meemaw: Oh, especially Petey the dog.
George Jr.: Thanks for making it depressing.
Meemaw: You're very welcome.

Meemaw: It doesn't matter. Tonight is not about Sheldon.
George Jr.: Yeah, right. Everything's always about Sheldon.
Missy: Yeah. Most of the time, it's like we don't even exist.
Meemaw: I guess Sheldon does get most of the attention. Maybe that's a good thing.
Missy: How?
Meemaw: Well, if it weren't for him, your parents would be on your ass all the time.

Meemaw: I don't care if you win, just cover the damn spread.
Mary: Mom, are you betting again?
Meemaw: No.

Vincent: Connie, you're putting me in a very awkward position.
Meemaw: I won a toaster oven playing keno. You want it?
Vincent: I got one. I want my money.
Meemaw: All right. Hang on. That's a very nice jacket. You're looking dapper. Ah. Hey, they comp my room here. They do that for you?
Vincent: Actually, they frown upon my presence here.
Meemaw: Oh. I also get a coupon for the breakfast buffet. You should look into that.

Vincent: Constance!
Meemaw: Patience, Vincenzo. [slot machine pays out] Yes! Oh! All right, now we're talking. Will you take a down payment in quarters?
Vincent: Do I have a choice?
Meemaw: Start scoopin'. I got to go see Tony Orlando.

George Sr.: I say no Radio Shack for at least a month.
Mary: Sounds fair.
George Sr.: I'll go tell him.
Meemaw: I'd wait and tell him tomorrow. He's a little loopy right now.

Missy: Oh, God, it's on my shoes, it's on my shoes!
Meemaw: For Pete's sake, somebody open a window.

George Sr.: Connie, one of these days, you got to give me the recipe.
Meemaw: You bet. For sure. One of these days.

George Sr.: That's it. 15 years in this family, and all the time I've been nothing but a good, supportive son-in-law. I always treated your daughter right, I gave you three beautiful grandchildren. Only thing I ever asked in return was that damn recipe.
Meemaw: You're right. Get another piece of paper. I'll write it down.
George Sr.: Don't mess with me, Connie.
Meemaw: Get the paper before I change my mind.
Mary: You're gonna do it to him again, aren't you?
Meemaw: I kind of have to.

Mary: You know this all goes away if you just give him your recipe for the brisket.
Meemaw: I know.
Mary: And?
Meemaw: I guess it's not going away.

Meemaw: He thought I wrote it down. What a dope.

Meemaw: Would this change your feelings?
George Sr.: Is that it?
Meemaw: The Holy Grail.
George Sr.: What changed your mind?
Meemaw: You not going to the picnic today, that hurt Mary and the twins. I cannot have that on my heart.
George Sr.: Is that so?
Meemaw: Absolutely.
George Sr.: Look me in the eye and tell me this is the actual recipe.
Meemaw: George, what you have in your hand is the exact step-by-step instructions on how to make my brisket. I have never written it down until tonight because I was afraid someone might steal it. But I'm entrusting this to you, and I hope that someday, when the time is right, you will see fit to share it with one of your children.
George Sr.: Connie, I don't know what to say.
Meemaw: Don't call me Connie. Call me Mom.
George Sr.: [CHUCKLES] Thanks, Mom.
Meemaw: You're welcome, son.

Meemaw: What a dope.

Mary: This Cafe Du Monde coffee is very good.
Meemaw: They make it with chicory.
Mary: And what does it do to the brisket?
Meemaw: Oh, I have no idea.
Mary: Then why did you send George all the way to New Orleans?
Meemaw: Well, they don't sell this around here.

George Sr.: What are you doing here?
Meemaw: Same as you. I want to see what his brain did.

Meemaw: That's impossible, you weren't even two years old.
Sheldon: Three tablespoons of dried mustard, one cup of Lone Star beer-
Meemaw: Okay. Okay. Go ahead. Give it to your father.