Mary: Here you go, baby.
Sheldon: I don't know if I can go to college next year.
George Sr.: Are you kidding me?!
Mary: George.
George Sr.: Buddy, I know you're upset. But are you kidding me?
Mary: Don't listen to him. There is no pressure. If you want to spend another year in high school, that is your decision.
Sheldon: I don't know. May I be excused?
Mary: Uh, of course. [looks at George Sr. as Sheldon walks off]
George Sr.: We support you, buddy!

George Jr.: Do I really got to sit through two graduations?
Mary: Yes. It is a special day for your brother and your sister.
Sheldon: I'm giving the valedictorian speech.
Missy: And I'm singing "This Land Is Your Land" with a bunch of other kids.
Mary: And we are proud of you both equally.
George Sr.: [holding the phone] Guess what. The local news wants to do story on Sheldon being valedictorian [chuckles] Isn't that great? [Mary gestures towards Missy] What?

George Sr.: Sheldon, I'm not driving you home. I got practice in minutes.
Sheldon: Then call Mom and tell her to bring them to me.
George Sr.: She's working, too.
Sheldon: But I need my goggles!
George Sr.: Then use the ones in class. And I don't want to hear about eyebrow lice.
Sheldon: The ones in class are too big for me. What if they fall off and something happens to my eyes? If I go blind, I'll need a Seeing Eye dog, and I'm scared of dogs.
George Sr.: Hey! Is this how you plan on acting when you get to college?
Sheldon: No.
George Sr.: Good, 'cause you're gonna need to handle stuff like this on your own.
Sheldon: I can handle it.
George Sr.: I hope so.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George Sr.: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George Sr.: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

George Sr.: Anyway, that leaves us with the big question: how do we get your mom on board with you going where Sturgis teaches?
Sheldon: Well, how did you get her to agree to marry you?
George Sr.: Oh, that won't work. She doesn't drink anymore.

George Sr.: Okay, the "X" is you. College is the goal. What stands between you and the goal line?
Sheldon: Mom.
George Sr.: Exactly. She's a tough opponent, so we got to be smart about how we get around her.
Sheldon: Which won't be easy, because she's got Jesus on her team.
George Sr.: Boy howdy.

Sheldon: Unlike my mother, who feels no guilt after hurting her children.
Mary: How dare you. I am trying to keep you safe until such a time as you can make adult decisions.
Sheldon: I can make them now.
George Sr.: Hey, hey. We have a guest. Let's pretend like we like each other. [chuckles] Mare, do your grace thing.

Ms. Hutchins: Hi, George.
George Sr.: Oh, hey, Ms. Hutchins. I don't think I've ever seen you at a game before.
Ms. Hutchins: Well, uh, it's Friday, and I promised my therapist I'd try one new thing a week.
George Sr.: And you picked football. Good for you.
Ms. Hutchins: I don't suppose Sheldon's here?
George Sr.: Nah, he doesn't much care for outdoor sports. Or sports. Or the outdoors.

George Sr.: Hang in there.
Ms. Hutchins: I'm hangin'.
George Sr.: Hey, this will be quite a story to tell your grandkids, huh?
Ms. Hutchins: I live alone. I'm single. I don't think grandkids are in the picture.
George Sr.: Oh. Well, I... I got a wife, kids. It's... It's overrated.

George Jr.: So you just put her in my room without consulting me?
George Sr.: Consulting you? Who cares what you think?
George Jr.: Well, I ain't gonna sleep on the couch.
Mary: It's just for a few nights until she can take care of herself.
George Jr.: Can I at least stay at Meemaw's?
George Sr.: If you promise not to come back.
George Jr.: Why you got to be so mean to me?
George Sr.: It just feels right.

Local TV Newscaster: In local news, Friday night's football game was marred by a brutal injury, when football coach George Cooper saved himself at the expense of beloved school librarian Cheryl Hutchins.
George Sr.: Oh, no.
Local TV Newscaster: We warn you, the following footage is hard to watch.
George Sr.: Well, then, don't show it.
Local TV Newscaster: Let's see it again in slow motion.
George Sr.: This is not news.

George Sr.: Son of a bitch! Here! Edgar! Or Allan. Whichever the hell one you are.

Mary: Can you believe this? Boy trophy, boy trophy... boy trophy.
George Sr.: Hmm, all I see is my trophy wife. Nope? Okay.

Sheldon: I'm glad Dr. Sturgis let me read his paper before he published.
George Sr.: Why is that?
Sheldon: He's getting numbers for the massive neutrinos that are in excess of a hundred giga-electron volts.
George Sr.: Well, good for him.
Sheldon: No, it's embarrassing.
George Sr.: Had a 50-50 shot.

George Sr.: Mr. Spock! He flies around all the time in that spaceship. He's not afraid, is he?
Sheldon: I'm not Mr. Spock.
George Sr.: No, but-but I've seen you pretend to be him. Could you do that right now? You be Spock, I'll be Kirk.
Sheldon: Maybe.
George Sr.: Okay, Mr. Spock. Your first order is to return to your seat.
Sheldon: Aye, Captain.

George Jr.: See ya.
Mary: Where you going?
George Jr.: Out with Jana.
Mary: You've been spending a lot of time with her lately. Is she your girlfriend?
George Jr.: Dad, can you make her stop?
George Sr.: Yeah, I could but I won't. Also, I can't.

George Sr.: Ugh, come on, Bucky, try throwing it to someone on your own team.
Keith: Is that the Aggie game?
George Sr.: Yeah, we're down by ten. You like A&M?
Keith: I was raised a Cornhusker, but when in Texas.
George Sr.: Huh, science and sports? Didn't know that was a thing.
Keith: It is possible to be a scientist and a normal guy.
[meanwhile:]
Dr. John Sturgis: [as his head is rubbed] May your team be victorious!
[back:]
George Sr.: Not my experience.

Keith: Someone's got to be in charge, but when you step up and do it, everyone gets upset.
George Sr.: So your problem is a woman's mad at you and Sheldon thinks you're dumb?
Keith: Yeah.
George Sr.: Welcome to my life, friend.
Keith: W- What do I do?
George Sr.: You- You quit complaining. You're young, you're smart, you're not tied down. This is as good as it gets.
Keith: It is?
George Sr.: Yes. I wish I was 20 again. Eating and drinking and being skinny. Now go back in there, finish your project, and get your ass to a keg party. Go!

George Sr.: Did you know Sheldon and Georgie are working on something together?
Mary: That's nice. And guess what Missy asked me if she could wear a cross. She's in her bedroom saying prayers right now.
George Sr.: Hmm. I don't like it.
Mary: What are you talking about? Our kids are behaving.
George Sr.: Exactly. Something bad's gonna happen.
Mary: Why can't you just be thankful?
George Sr.: Because that's when life kicks you right in the plums, Mary.

George Jr.: Should I be wearing all that?
Sheldon: I recommend it. Those rocks are filthy.
George Jr.: I'm good. God made dirt. Dirt don't hurt.