Mary: So you've stayed at this hotel before?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. It's nice. They got an indoor pool and a killer breakfast buffet. There's even a real nice gym we'll walk right past on the way to the breakfast buffet.

Darlene: Whoo-wee! Ha-ha! Hey, Mary.
Mary: Darlene, good to see you.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, hey. George, how's it going?
George Sr.: Good, good. We were definitely not arguing ten seconds ago.

George Sr.: Can you guys not do that?
Coach Wilkins: Do what?
George Sr.: Be so happy. You're married. Act like it.
Coach Wilkins: How do you put up with him?
Mary: That's a good question. What's your secret?
Coach Wilkins & Darlene: [in unison] Communication.
George Sr.: Oh, God.

George Sr.: This is ridiculous.
Coach Wilkins: Just do it, you baby.
George Sr.: Fine. Mary, I appreciate you.
Coach Wilkins: That's the best you can do? Baby, you have any single friends for this poor woman?
George Sr.: Mary, I appreciate how much you take care of the house and... all of us. I know it's not easy.
Mary: Thank you. That means a lot.
Coach Wilkins: I love it. Mary, you're up.
Mary: [chuckles] Well, George... I appreciate how hard you work. I know you make a lot of sacrifices for us, and you don't get enough credit for that.
George Sr.: Thank you.

Darlene: Ooh, this camper is so cool.
Mary: We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.
George Sr.: Yeah, you might not want to poke around too much. You find my mother-in-law's bra, I'm driving into a brick wall.

George Sr.: Morning, sunshine.
George Jr.: [exhales] What do you want?
George Sr.: Oh, just to see how you're doing.
George Jr.: I'm fine. Thanks for the juice.
George Sr.: Oh, this isn't for you. [drinks] Mmm. Mmm. [smacks lips, sighs] Cold and refreshing. So, how'd you sleep? You look terrible.
George Jr.: Are you done?
George Sr.: Depends. You ready to return the van?
George Jr.: This van's not going anywhere.
George Sr.: Don't you have to work this morning?
George Jr.: Crap.
[After George closes the side door and jumps into the driver's seat, he tries to start the van but the engine fails to turn over.]
George Sr.: Yep, it's not going anywhere.

George Sr.: Hey! Where do you think you're going?
George Jr.: Bathroom.
George Sr.: No, you're not. You don't live here.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: You want him making grandkids in that van?
Mary: You heard him! Get!
George Jr.: Dang it.

George Sr.: Missy doing anything stupid?
Mary: No.
George Sr.: One out of three. Not bad.

George Jr.: Now, it needs a little bit of work, but once I'm done, it's gonna be amazing.
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: What do you mean? It's got low mileage, great stereo. Check this out. [opens side door] Look at all the room.
George Sr.: Hell no.
George Jr.: Why?
George Sr.: This isn't a car. It's a motel room on wheels.
George Jr.: Is that how little you think of me?
George Sr.: [scoffs] Yes. Maybe less.

George Jr.: I did it. I bought a car.
George Sr.: Really? You got the Mustang?
George Jr.: I was fixing to, but then something else caught my eye.
George Sr.: You did something dumb.

Adult Sheldon: My sister's crankiness did not dampen my enthusiasm. A chicken may have fractured my arm, but nothing could break my can-do spirit.
Sheldon: All in the bowl, none on me. I call that a successful urination.
George Sr.: Great. Go teach your brother.

George Sr.: What's going on?
Mary: Ugh. He was muttering in his sleep that I am his training wheels. What on earth does that mean?
George Sr.: Well, let's think about it. Training wheels are for little kids. Maybe he doesn't want to be a little kid anymore.
Mary: What does that have to do with me?
George Sr.: [laughs] You have made it your life's mission to hold him up.
Mary: What are you saying here? That I am wrong to love and protect my son? That he doesn't need his mother to keep an eye on him?
George Sr.: I'm not saying that. I... I would never say that.
Mary: All right then. [exits]
George Sr.: [to himself] I'm not an idiot.

Mary: Shelly, you okay?
Sheldon: I fractured my ulna.
George Sr.: He's fine. I told you you didn't need to come down here.
Mary: My baby is in the emergency room.
George Sr.: Yeah, with his father.
Mary: Who let him get hurt.
George Sr.: Me? I wasn't even there. If anything, it was Missy's fault.
Sheldon: And Belinda Sparks.
Mary: Who?
George Sr.: A chicken.
Mary: What does a chicken have to do with this?

Missy: Dad, Sheldon got hurt.
George Sr.: How?
Missy: A chicken chased him into a mailbox.
George Sr.: Course it did.

Umpire: Strike three, you're out.
George Sr.: There you go! Ha! That's how you do it!
Woman: Is that your little girl?
George Sr.: That's my little lady. [Missy spits on the mound] Well, sometimes.

George Sr.: We should hit the road soon. It's a long drive.
Missy: Okay.
Mary: I got your lunches here.
Missy: Extra Fruit Roll-Ups?
Mary: You each got two.
Missy: Thank you.
George Sr.: Thank you.

George Sr.: Nothing to be embarrassed about. It's perfectly natural. Perfectly normal.
Missy: Dad, I know.
George Sr.: I'm telling myself. Uh... How much money you need?
Missy: I'm not going in there. You are.
George Sr.: Why can't you go? It's embarrassing.
Missy: You just said it wasn't embarrassing.
George Sr.: Well, it is and I lied.

Cashier: Find everything you need today?
George Sr.: Yeah, think so. [chuckles]
[George unloads a variety of female care products onto the counter]
George Sr.: [clears throat]
Cashier: You don't know what you're doing, do you?
George Sr.: No, ma'am.
Cashier: Would you like some help?
George Sr.: Yes, ma'am, thank you, ma'am.
Cashier: Okay. [puts "Register Closed" sign down]

Mary: The kids are asleep. You gonna watch that?
George Sr.: Well, it's MacGyver. He makes stuff out of other stuff. Why, did you want to watch something else?
Mary: I thought maybe we could watch a movie.
George Sr.: Sure, yeah, which one?
Mary: Um... I don't know. I heard that that movie Road House is supposed to be good.
George Sr.: What's it about?
Mary: I think it's about a guy, um... Dalton. Who's a bouncer who has to clean up a bar that's been overrun by a bunch of bad guys.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah, it's got that guy that looks like Georgie in it.
Mary: No, he doesn't.
George Sr.: [laughs] Are you kidding? He looks exactly like him.
Mary: Let's just watch MacGyver.
George Sr.: Cool.

George Sr.: Nothing to worry about. We got this.
Missy: Really?
George Sr.: Everything you need's right here.
Missy: You're the best.
George Sr.: Come on, I'll show you where the bathroom is. Oh, and there's a very helpful cashier named Gretchen you need to hug. Come on. [they enter the store] Here she is, Gretchen.