Georgie: Well, I can write you a letter if you want.
Mandy: Please don't.
Georgie: Why not?
Mandy: 'Cause your spelling makes me sad.
Georgie: I can use small words.

Mandy: Aw. I think it's so romantic, you two writing to each other.
Georgie: It's just 'cause he's a cheapskate.
George: It can be both.
Mandy: Well, I think it's sweet.

Meemaw: And for your information, you fart all night long.
Dale: It's 'cause of your cooking. Quit feeding me fajitas.

Sheldon: [v.o.] Dear Missy, I'm currently on my fifth train ride exploring Germany and the nations of the former Austro-Hungarian Empire. It's often referred to as a dual monarchy because the Hapsburg ruler was both the emperor of Austria and the king of Hungary. Speaking of hungry... strudel.
[Sheldon steps off the train to buy a strudle from a cart. As a whistle blows, the train's engine hisses and it begins to pull away.]
Sheldon: Wait! Wait! Warten! Warten! That's German for "wait"!
Adult Sheldon: As you can see, they did not warten.

Missy: Dad, it's not what you think. He doesn't like me like that.
George: He's a 13-year-old boy. He likes all girls like that.
Missy: He's 15, and he doesn't.
George: Fifteen?
Missy: And he really doesn't.
George: The hell does that mean? [off Missy's look] Oh.
Missy: Yeah.
George: So, he's like a... gal pal?
Missy: Bingo.
George: Okay.
Missy: So, can I go to his house and watch a movie?
George: No other boys'll be there?
Missy: Just him and me.
George: All right, then.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy.

George: [v.o.] It's a different world, Mare. I'm proud of Missy for keeping an open mind, and, shoot, I'm proud of myself.
[As Missy breaks away from making out with Taylor:]
Missy: By the way, I told my dad you're gay.
Taylor: Okay. [they resume kissing]

Mary: Absolutely not.
Sheldon: But we're in Europe, the birthplace of the modern rail system.
Mary: It is also the birthplace of the guillotine. You're not playing with that, either.
Sheldon: But I'm a college senior and I know more about trains than Richard Trevithick.
Mary: Who?
Sheldon: He built the first working steam locomotive.
Mary: I don't care. You are not gallivanting around Europe on a train by yourself.
Sheldon: German children ride trains by themselves all the time.
Mary: When you become a German child, we'll talk.
[Sheldon goes into his room and slams the door]
Mary: [sighs] Richard Trevithick? How does he know these things?

Dale: Well, give it back.
Meemaw: Only under certain conditions.
Dale: That guitar has been here way longer than you have.
Meemaw: You want to see it again?
Dale: What conditions?
Meemaw: First of all, if I'm out of the house, you can play it all day long.
Dale: That's reasonable.
Meemaw: I'm a reasonable lady. Number two: You cannot play the same song for more than five minutes.
Dale: No, no, no, no. That's not how practice works. Repetition is the key to mastery.
Meemaw: Ten minutes.
Dale: Deal.
Meemaw: It's in the closet behind the rain coats.
Dale: Well, thank you. [plays guitar and sings] ♪ Because you're mine ♪
Meemaw: Hold on, let me get my egg timer.

Sheldon: Auf wiedersehen.
Mary: Where you going?
Sheldon: Library. [whispers] In Frankfurt.
Mary: Have fun.
Adult Sheldon: As much as I hated lying, I loved trains just a little bit more.

Dale: Hey. Have you seen my guitar?
Meemaw: No. Why?
Dale: I could've sworn I left it in the bedroom and now I can't find it anywhere.
Meemaw: That's weird.
Dale: Did you hide it?
Meemaw: I can't believe you would accuse me of such a thing.
Dale: Did you?
Meemaw: Did I what?
Dale: Hide my guitar.
Meemaw: [sings] ♪ Because you're mine ♪ ♪ I lost my mind. ♪

Officer #1: It's okay, young man, we speak English.
Sheldon: But not as well as my German, so stay with me.

Meemaw: What are you doing?
Dale: I'm gonna go sleep in the other room so we don't bug each other.
Meemaw: And leave me here all alone?
Dale: I thought you'd be happy.
Meemaw: Well, my nose might be happy, but the rest of me won't be.
Dale: Aw.
Meemaw: Unless you're leaving because my snoring is so bad. Alleged snoring.
Dale: Alleged snoring? I'm going half deaf in this ear from your alleged snoring.

Meemaw: Well, there must be a way to compromise.
Dale: Compromise? There's no compromise. You won't let me spritz your nasal passages.
Meemaw: Even if I did, that's not gonna stop the tear gas coming out of your pants.
Dale: Onions in, onions out... We talked about this, you know.

Mary: [on the phone] Uh, hello? Police? Sprechen English? Good, good. Um... My little boy is lost at a train station. No, I don't know which one... Um, he's, uh, five foot ten... Well, he's little to me!

Mary: What happened to you?
Sheldon: Tough day.
Mary: At the library?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: Where's your other shoe?
Sheldon: When I was leaving... the library, a wild dog attacked me.
Mary: Oh, sweetie, no.
Sheldon: I fought him off, but at the price of a loafer.
Mary: Where's your backpack?
Sheldon: I guess he got that, too.
Mary: Well... that all makes sense, Sheldon, if that's what really happened.
Sheldon: It is.
Mary: Okay, then. Why don't you go lie down?
Sheldon: I will. I'm tired from all the things that happened...
Mary: At the library.
Sheldon: At the library.

Mary: [v.o.] Instead of punishing him, I'm letting him think he got away with it. The guilt is eating him alive. I wish you were here to enjoy it with me.

Missy: Is it okay if Taylor and I hang out in my room and listen to music?
George: Sure. Just keep the door closed so I don't have to hear it.
Missy: You got it. [Missy and Taylor walk off]
George: Probably gonna listen to show tunes.

George: [v.o.] I've included some Polaroids of your granddaughter and your hot American boy toy.

Mary: [v.o.] Dear George, I really loved your last letter. Who would have thought that I would have a love affair in Germany and that it would be with you. I miss you all so much, but it sounds like everyone is doing great. By the way, Missy's new friend Taylor, is that a boy or a girl?
George: Missy!

Georgie: Guide's here. Mmm. Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett. What does she see in him?
George: Women love musicians.
Georgie: Man, I got to learn to play guitar.
Mandy: Why?
Georgie: So your love for me will deepen?
George: Nice save, Romeo.

[As Meemaw writes a letter at Dale's kitchen table, he's playing his guitar and singing "I Walk the Line" by Johnny Cash]
Meemaw: [v.o.] George tells me you and Sheldon are having a good time in Germany. Things here are finally settling down. I moved in with Dale, which has been great. He's been so supportive and patient...
Meemaw: Could you play another song?
Dale: I'm working on this song.
Meemaw: My last nerve is what you're working on.
Dale: Well, you got to practice if you want to get good.
Meemaw: For what? You're 74. You gonna play that song in hell?
Dale: Look, this is my house, and in my house, I play the guitar.
Meemaw: I thought you said your house was my house.
Dale: And in your house, there's a guy who plays the guitar, and he's getting pretty doggone good.

George: [v.o.] Don't feel bad for being confused about Missy's friend. He is a boy, but don't worry, I'm on top of it.
George: Taylor's a boy?
Missy: Yes.
George: So when you went to the movies with him, he was a boy?
Missy: Mm-hmm.
George: And when you went swimming at his house, he was a boy with his shirt off?
Missy: I never said he was a girl.
George: No, I said he was a girl and you didn't correct me.
Missy: I don't remember who said what.
George: Yes, you do. And that is the last you're seeing of Taylor.

Sheldon: [v.o.] Dear Missy, I'm sure you're surprised I'm writing to you, but I have a secret and I have to tell someone or my head will explode.
Missy: Ooh.
Sheldon: [v.o.] The other day, against Mother's orders, I rode a train by myself.
Missy: [scoffs] What a loser.

George: Besides, this is nice, writing back and forth, kind of like when I was in the Army.
Meemaw: Oh, she writing you back, too, huh?
George: Mm-hmm.
Meemaw: Huh.
George: What?
Meemaw: My house blows away, I don't even get a damn postcard.
George: Well, you should write her first. That's what I did.
Meemaw: Well, I'm not her cheapskate husband.
George: [v.o.] Heads up, I might kill your mother before you get back.

Sheldon: Oh, 7:19 to Frankfurt. Birthplace of the frankfurter. That's a must-see.

Mary: Oh, George wrote me a letter.
George: [v.o.] Dear Mary, hope you and Sheldon are having a great time in Germany.
Mary: [sighs] So great.
George: [v.o.] Got the phone bill the other day. It was a whopper. I figured maybe, instead of calling, we should try the good ol' U.S. mail. Everything here is fine. A little crowded since the tornado, but it's bringing us together.
George: [pounds on door] Missy, I got business to tend to.
Missy: I'll be out in a second.
Georgie: Is she almost done? I got to shower.
George: There's a line or a hose out back. Take your pick. [Georgie shrugs] Count of three!

George: [v.o.] And our granddaughter is getting more fun every day.
George: Ah-boo. [CeeCee cries]
Mandy: What is wrong with you?
George: It was just peek-a-boo.

George: You'll be happy to know your daughter made a new friend. Taylor. And they've been hanging out a ton.
George: Where're you going all dressed up?
Missy: I'm not dressed up, and I'm going to the mall with Taylor.
George: When do I get to meet this girl?
Missy: Soon. Gotta go.

George: Ooh, she wrote back. Saving money already.
Mary: [v.o.] Dear George, it was really nice to get your letter. It reminds me of when you were in Vietnam, except this time, I'm the one in a foreign country and the enemy is Sheldon. [George chuckles] The other day, he wanted to go riding around Germany, by himself, on a train. But I put a stop to that.
George: Good.

George: [v.o.] Your mom's been going through a rough patch since she lost the house, but she's a strong woman. You'd be proud of how well she's dealing with it.
Meemaw: Hey.
George: What are you doing?
Meemaw: Taking one of your beers. What are you doing?
George: Writing Mary a letter.
Meemaw: Too cheap for a phone call?
George: You know how much those things cost? Tank of gas to say, "I miss you."

Mary: [answers phone] Hello?
Missy: Mom, it's me. I know I'm not supposed to call, but Sheldon called and said he's in trouble.
Mary: Sheldon's at the library.
Missy: No, he's not. He's stuck at a train station somewhere in Germany.
Mary: When did he call?
Missy: I don't know. Two, three hours ago...
Mary: What?!
Missy: You know, this is expensive, I should go. [hangs up]
Mary: Oh. I'm gonna kill him.

Mary: [v.o.] ... I've been sitting here staring at your picture, thinking about all the years we've been together and how I may have taken you for granted the last few. I do appreciate you, I do love you, and I'm sorry I don't say it enough... or say it at all. So... rest up because when I get back, I'm gonna show you how mu...

Sheldon: [on the phone] I'm stranded in a train station in Weinheim, Germany, and I can't call Mom because I lied about...
Missy: Sorry. I'm getting another call.
Sheldon: Wait, don't... [Missy switches the call]
Missy: Hello? Oh, hi, Taylor. Nothing. What're you up to?
Sheldon: Missy! Missy? Missy... [hangs up]

Sheldon: [on the phone] I'm stranded in a train station in Weinheim, Germany, and I can't call Mom because I lied about...
Missy: Sorry. I'm getting another call.
Sheldon: Wait, don't... [Missy switches the call]
Missy: Hello? Oh, hi, Taylor. Nothing. What're you up to?
Sheldon: Missy! Missy? Missy... [hangs up]

Mary: [knocks on door] Sheldon, can I get you anything? [enters]
Sheldon: No.
Mary: You sure? Cup of tea?
Sheldon: I'm fine.
Mary: Hot chocolate?
Sheldon: Why are you badgering me?
Mary: Whoa, what brought that on?
Sheldon: Nothing. Everything's fine. I just have to study.
Mary: [sighs] Is this about the train?
Sheldon: What? No. What train?
Mary: Are you still mad that I won't let you go alone?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Someday, when you're a parent, you'll understand.
Sheldon: I'm sure I will.
Mary: Okay, then.

Meemaw: What are you doing?
Dale: W... I'm just putting nose spray in 'cause you're snoring.
Meemaw: Well, that's no reason to stick something up my nose.
Dale: I'm sorry.
Meemaw: I mean, if anybody snores, it's you. I mean, just look at that honker.
Dale: That's not very nice.
Meemaw: What's not nice is you violating my nose.
Dale: It's not gonna happen again. Hey, but listen, now that you're up, why don't we just spritz the other nostril...
Meemaw: Don't you dare!

Mandy: [o.s.] [gasps] Oh, God!
Georgie: [o.s.] Dad, get out!
Mandy: [o.s.] Why didn't you lock the door?
Georgie: [o.s.] I didn't want to miss anything.

Georgie: [v.o.] ...and not just 'cause you're naked in the shower... 'cause you're naked and all sudsy. It's like watching MTV, but in the bathroom. Well, I hope that didn't sound creepy, but you're so pretty I can't stop looking at you, even with clothes on covered with CeeCee's spit-up.
Georgie: Oh, you're reading my letter. I'll come back.
Mandy: Oh, now you want to give me privacy?
Georgie: So, it was creepy, huh?
Mandy: It was.
Georgie: Where you going?
Mandy: Well, I'm gonna go take a shower. Maybe I'll leave the door unlocked.
Georgie: Well, all right.

Georgie: [v.o.] Dear Mandy, there are so many things I love about you, it's hard to know where to start. But I will. Sure, I could go on and on about your beautiful... B-E...
Georgie: Where does the dang "U" go?
Georgie: [v.o.] ... pretty... boobs. But what's more important is what's underneath: Your heart.
Georgie: Oh, yeah. That's good.
Edgar: Can I cash out?
Georgie: Oh. Sure. Hey, question...if you sneak into the bathroom to watch a woman shower, is that romantic or creepy?
Edgar: Romantic.
Georgie: That's what I thought.
Georgie: [v.o.] And when you're alone in the shower...