Coach Wilkins: Hey, you heard from George today?
Principal Petersen: George. Cooper? No. You?
Coach Wilkins: No. Hoping that he would join us.
Principal Petersen: Well, he's going through a tough time at home, you got to cut him a little slack.
[George has been seated at their table drinking a beer the whole time]
George: Are you done?
Principal Petersen: I don't know. What do you think?
Coach Wilkins: I can keep going.
Principal Petersen: Me too. You ever wonder how that Sheldon kid wound up being so smart?
Coach Wilkins: Oh, you mean like was there a genius pizza delivery guy or mailman in the mix?
Principal Petersen: Exactly.
George: All right, that's enough. And for the record, my grandfather was a brilliant man. Co-invented the traffic cone. Used to be wood, he made it rubber. That's right.

George: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Sheldon: If we're switching religions, may I recommend Judaism.
Mary: Why?
Sheldon: Both William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy are Jewish.
George: So?
Sheldon: Isn't that enough?

Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
Georgie: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Adult Sheldon: I was struggling to focus and needed help. Luckily, there was someone on campus I could always count on to lend a friendly ear. A second mom, if you will.
President Hagemeyer: What now?
Sheldon: You said if I ever had a problem, I could come to you and you'd fix it.
President Hagemeyer: When did I say that?
Sheldon: September 13th, 1991. You had just eaten a poppyseed bagel and had one stuck in your teeth.
President Hagemeyer: I'll take your word for it.
Sheldon: It was right here. How did it not make you crazy? It made me crazy.
President Hagemeyer: What do you want?
Sheldon: My family's falling apart.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Uh... what do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Fix it.