Dr. John Sturgis: Hello.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. Can you give me any advice on how to overcome a fear of public speaking?
Dr. John Sturgis: Ah, you know, when I was a young man I had a terrible fear of speaking to an audience.
Sheldon: What did you do?
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, it kinda took care of itself. One day I was, uh, playing miniature golf with some colleagues and I got struck by lightning.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it was fine. When I came to, I found myself with the gift of gab. Big crowds, small crowds, you couldn't shut me up.
Sheldon: I don't see how that can benefit me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not unless you'd like me to take you miniature golfing next time there are clouds on the horizon.

Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

Dr. John Sturgis: See, this is why we're great together. You teach me about social etiquette, and I teach you about beaver anuses.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLES] It is magical.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know "ani" is also acceptable as the plural of "anus"?
Meemaw: And the magic continues.

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that there's a type of vanilla flavoring derived from the anal glands of the North American beaver?
Meemaw: That seems like a fact you could have shared before we started eating.
Dr. John Sturgis: It isn't used very often. I understand it's difficult to, uh, milk the little sacs.
Meemaw: Cool. Okay, new topic.

Sheldon: Mr. Givens, I just wanted you to know that I'm still working hard on my campaign to get more funding for the science department.
Mr. Givens: Oh, great, 'cause I've got to dig up tomorrow's worms myself.

Adult Sheldon: Not all science is created equal. There's physics, the undisputed king of science.
There's chemistry. It's no physics, but it's not a bad way to pass a rainy afternoon. And then there's biology, the squishiest of the sciences.

Principal Petersen: [screams]
Sheldon: [screams]
Principal Petersen: What are you doing, standing there?
Sheldon: I wrote a formal complaint letter to the school board on how much money is spent on football. I was hoping you could deliver it to them.
Principal Petersen: You do realize your father's a coach here.
Sheldon: Yes, sir, I do.
Principal Petersen: Maybe you ought to talk to him about this first.
Sheldon: I did. He didn't care for the idea at all.
Principal Petersen: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: There I go what?
Principal Petersen: Let me see that. "Barbaric sport encourages bloodlust similar to Roman gladiator games Christians, lions money better spent on science and learning." You're joking, right?
Sheldon: Did you see the word "bazinga" anywhere in that letter?
Principal Petersen: Out.