Dr. Linkletter: I don't want to get ahead of myself, but the strength of the temperature deviations is looking rather spicy.
Sheldon: How spicy?
Dr. Linkletter: Five microkelvin.
Dr. John Sturgis: Muy caliente.

Mary: [on the phone] Dr. Linkletter? Mary Cooper.
Dr. Linkletter: Ah, Mrs. Cooper. I assume this is about the upcoming trip and perhaps your very understandable reluctance to let Sheldon come.
Mary: I have to admit I do have some concerns.
Dr. Linkletter: As you should. So, you're saying you'd prefer he not go with us?
Mary: [sighs] But he'd be so disappointed.
Dr. Linkletter: Not more disappointed than me.
Mary: So, you feel good about him going?
Dr. Linkletter: Only if you feel good about it. You're his parent. I'm just an absentminded academic who's never had children.
Mary: Come on, now. You've been such a great help looking after him at college.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, but college isn't the same as three days in a van.
Mary: Huh. Sheldon can be a nervous traveler.
Dr. Linkletter: Ah. Sounds like you don't want him to go.
Mary: No, I do want him to go. I just want to make sure that you and Dr. Sturgis are okay with it.
Dr. Linkletter: ... We're okay with it. If you're okay with it.
Mary: If you're okay with it, I'm okay with it.
Dr. Linkletter: Then it would seem we're both okay with it.
Mary: Okay.
Dr. Linkletter: Okay.
Mary: Oh, he's gonna be so happy.
Dr. Linkletter: Uh-huh.

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sorry I can't help out on driving duty.
Dr. Linkletter: You really never learned?
Dr. John Sturgis: I got my permit, but I've never been comfortable behind the wheel.
Dr. Linkletter: That's a shame. I do enjoy the tranquility of the open road. I find it produces a Zen-like calm.
Dr. John Sturgis: Mm.
Sheldon: You know what else is calming? A fun car game.
Dr. Linkletter: How about this. We'll count out-of-state license plates. First one to a hundred wins.
Sheldon: Not as fun as mine, but very well. Um... Ooh, Oklahoma.
Dr. Linkletter: Silently.
[Dr. Linkletter smiles as Sheldon falls quiet and he can listen to the classical music, only to be interrupted by Dr. Sturgis munching on some chips]

Sheldon: Speaking of slow-moving transportation, did you know that the slowest express train in the world is the Glacier Express in Switzerland?
Dr. Linkletter: I spent a month in Switzerland at CERN.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, no! I hit an armadillo.
Dr. Linkletter: So? Just keep driving.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I can't. I have to check on it. [car door closes]
Sheldon: Is he hoping it's alive or dead?
Dr. Linkletter: Alive.
Sheldon: Ugh.

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, no, what have I done?
Sheldon: It's still moving.
Dr. Linkletter: Like we should be. Let's go.
Dr. John Sturgis: We need a box and a towel.
Sheldon: We don't need a coffin. The birds will eat it.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's to keep it safe until we find help.
Dr. Linkletter: John, these animals carry all kinds of diseases.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's what the towel's for.
Sheldon: This is Texas. Armadillo roadkill is practically the state animal.

Sheldon: Have you read The Gods Themselves?
Dr. Linkletter: "We cannot stop Estwald."
Both: "We are Estwald!"
Dr. John Sturgis: Who's Estwald?
Sheldon: You don't know him either?
Dr. John Sturgis: I know who Asimov is, but I've never read his work.
Dr. Linkletter: Talk about big boy science. The man coined the term "robotics."
Dr. John Sturgis: Ooh.
Sheldon: Maybe we could have a book club.
Dr. John Sturgis: My social schedule is astonishingly open.
Dr. Linkletter: What a lovely way to honor Asimov's life.
Sheldon: It'll be like my mom's Bible study, but we know the characters aren't real.
Dr. Linkletter: What book should we start with?
Dr. John Sturgis: That naked one sounded good.

Sheldon: Very well, I'll stay here, I'll work with you two, and everything will be...
Dr. John Sturgis: Stop. [to Linkletter] I can't do this.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm glad you said that. I'm also having qualms.
Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Dr. Linkletter: You.
Dr. John Sturgis: We have to do the right thing for him.
Dr. Linkletter: And for science.
Dr. John Sturgis: So, we're in agreement?
Dr. Linkletter: Consequences be damned.
Sheldon: Will someone please tell me what's going on?

Dr. Linkletter: Clearly, we're not too old to learn things.
Dr. John Sturgis: And there's no shame in needing a little help.
Dr. Linkletter: Yeah!
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah!
Dr. Linkletter: But does it have to be Sheldon?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah.

Meemaw: It's just mashed up avocados. I think you'd like it. And they do it right here at the table.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did they run out of room in the kitchen?
Meemaw: No, it's-it's like, you know, a show.
Dr. John Sturgis: Like Benihana.
Meemaw: Exactly.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't like Benihana.

Dr. John Sturgis: Don't feel bad, I enjoy a little gambling now and then.
Meemaw: Do you?
Dr. John Sturgis: I sat in your front seat, didn't I? [Meemaw laughs] Good, I made you laugh. Full disclosure, I wasn't trying to be funny. [Meemaw laughs] Still not trying.

Dr. John Sturgis: Next order of business. I would like to have dinner with you tonight, just the two of us.
Meemaw: Oh, well, that sounds nice. What'd you have in mind?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'd like to come to your house and cook you a Sichuan feast.
Meemaw: I'm sorry, a what?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sichuan. It's a style of Chinese cooking I learned when I was traveling through China.
Meemaw: Well, wonderful. I would love that.
Dr. John Sturgis: Great. Do you have a wok?
Meemaw: I do not.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a problem. I have a travel wok.

Meemaw: Oh, my.
Dr. John Sturgis: I know, I look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Dr. John Sturgis: The trick to a successful Sichuan dinner is the Sichuan pepper.
Meemaw: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: Now, you may notice your lips and tongue getting numb.
Meemaw: Then why are we eating it?
Dr. John Sturgis: 'Cause it's yummy.

Meemaw: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes?
Meemaw: Could we do it just one more time?
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? I don't want you to get tired of it.
Meemaw: I won't. Please?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I can't say no to you.
Meemaw: Fire in the hole. [Mary throws a biscuit and John catches it.] Unbelievable. Again, again.

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, they scored another touchdown.
George: That's just a replay, John.