Adult Sheldon Quotes
Quote from the episode A Slump, a Cross and Roadside Gravel
Adult Sheldon: In case you're worried, Mabel and I did finally make it to Oregon, where I remarried and lived to the ripe old age of 41.
Quote from the episode A Boyfriend's Ex-Wife and a Good Luck Head Rub
Adult Sheldon: Growing up, I had an aversion to any type of group. For example, rock groups. I'll restrict my drug use to Rolaids, thank you. Group costumes. I'll tell you who really didn't have a heart: my mother, for making me wear a funnel on my head. But of all the groups I didn't like, by far the worst was...
Dr. John Sturgis: Group projects. [class groans] Yeah. You heard me.
Quote from the episode A House for Sale and Serious Woman Stuff
Adult Sheldon: It was turning out to be the perfect Saturday. The ice cream man had extra napkins. I had tons of homework. And I was about to enjoy an orange sherbet Push-Up, which was the only kind of Push-Up I could actually finish. Then it all came crashing down.
Quote from the episode A Baby Tooth and the Egyptian God of Knowledge
Missy: You're having a tooth pulled, not having a baby.
Sheldon: If it can work for getting an eight-pound human through a birth canal, it can work for a tiny tooth.
Missy: Eight pounds? I'm never having kids.
Adult Sheldon: Fun fact: she ended up having four.
Missy: And if I do, I'm taking any drugs they'll give me.
Adult Sheldon: That part was true.
Quote from the episode A Baby Tooth and the Egyptian God of Knowledge
Adult Sheldon: If I was going to recapture my insight into a unified field theory, I needed to find a way to put myself back into an altered state of consciousness. Native Americans would sit in sweat lodges for hours to achieve this. I lasted a minute and a half. Self-hypnosis is another means of bringing stillness to the mind. [Sheldon screams] When it isn't giving you a heart attack! The whirling dervishes of Central Asia employ a repetitive spinning technique to achieve a trancelike state.
Sheldon: [retches, falls down]
Quote from the episode A Baby Tooth and the Egyptian God of Knowledge
Adult Sheldon: After my other attempts to return to the trancelike state of anesthesia failed, I turned to something Nancy Reagan herself told me to "just say no" to. My mind-altering substance of choice was... chamomile tea. But not your grandma's chamomile tea. A highly concentrated super chamomile of my own making. All the relaxing power of 30 cups of chamomile tea packed into a teaspoon of calming sludge.
Sheldon: Sorry, Mrs. Reagan.
Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat
Adult Sheldon: In every young man's life, there are milestones along the road to independence. Squashing one's very first bug.
Sheldon: Aah!
Adult Sheldon: Tending to one's own boo-boo.
Sheldon: Not today, germs. Not today.
Adult Sheldon: And preparing a favorite meal without one's mommy.
Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat
Adult Sheldon: I was angry at my mother and needed more information. While she told me to go to my room, she didn't say stay there. Boy howdy, I do love a loophole.
Quote from the episode Graduation
Adult Sheldon: The next day, the local news showed up to interview me and my family, which may sound impressive, but this is the same local news that covered a potato chip shaped like Texas.
Quote from the episode Training Wheels and an Unleashed Chicken
Sheldon: My first bathroom attempt. Let's hope this goes well.
Mary: Let me know if you need help.
Sheldon: I think I'll be okay. It's just number one.
Mary: I'm here if you need me.
[After Sheldon closes the bathroom door:]
Sheldon: [o.s.] Mom, I can't get my zipper down!
Mary: I'm coming.
Adult Sheldon: I am not saying my mother and I had a codependent relationship.
Sheldon: [o.s.] Mom, I can't get my zipper up!
Mary: I'm on my way!
Adult Sheldon: But she did have a tendency to baby me, and boy howdy, was I okay with that.
Quote from the episode Training Wheels and an Unleashed Chicken
Adult Sheldon: My meemaw wrote...
Meemaw: "To my brave Moon Pie. You handled this like a true Texan".
Adult Sheldon: My mom wrote...
Mary: [v.o.] "Shelly, you'll always be my baby, but I'm so proud of the young man you've become. Love, Mom".
Adult Sheldon: And Billy wrote...
Billy Sparks: "Billy".
Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper
Adult Sheldon: I had suffered some setbacks. But just as Edison had forged ahead on electric lighting without the help of Tesla, I was going to make it through orientation without the help of my mommy, even if she did make boo-boos stop hurting. While I had found inspiration courtesy of Thomas Edison, it was soon replaced with anger at Whitcomb L. Judson, inventor of the zipper.
Sheldon: [scoffs] Oh, come on.
Quote from the episode Freshman Orientation and the Inventor of the Zipper
Adult Sheldon: Like Batman's utility belt, my briefcase was equipped for any emergency. I don't know if the Bat-pants had a zipper, but if they did, I could fix it.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Quote from the episode A Philosophy Class and Worms That Can Chase You
Adult Sheldon: The good name of Lady Science had been besmirched and it was up to me to defend her honor. I had a lot of ground to cover in one night. Thankfully, 11 years of my family's incessant yammering had given me an extraordinary ability to focus.
Quote from the episode A Philosophy Class and Worms That Can Chase You
Adult Sheldon: It was past my bedtime, but who could sleep with a page-turner like Meditations on First Philosophy by René Descartes? Descartes was more than just a philosopher. He was also the mathematician who invented the Cartesian plane. If you've ever enjoyed that X squared plus Y squared equals K is a circle, you can say merci beaucoup to Monsieur Descartes.
Quote from the episode An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles
Adult Sheldon: Traditionalism is the philosophy that the best way of life is a return to the past.
George Jr.: What are you doing?
Sheldon: [shaking a jar] Making my own butter, like in olden times.
George Jr.: That's stupid.
Adult Sheldon: My arms are still sore.
Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey
President Hagemeyer: And this, of course, is our physics prodigy, Sheldon Cooper.
Justin: A great pleasure. [offers hand]
Adult Sheldon: I had an obligation to fulfill. So I closed my eyes and thought of science. [Sheldon shakes Justin's hand] Just like on my honeymoon.
Quote from the episode Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey
Adult Sheldon: It turned out Gary did appreciate my honesty. The school got a generous donation.
President Hagemeyer: My, my, my. That is a lot of zeroes.
Adult Sheldon: My father got Oilers tickets from President Hagemeyer.
George Sr.: 50-yard line and free parking? Hoo-mama.
Adult Sheldon: And I got a brand-new, state-of-the-art antistatic lab chair.
Sheldon: It works.
Quote from the episode Mitch's Son and the Unconditional Approval of a Government Agency
Mary: What's it say?
George Sr.: Okay. Not so bad. We owe four dollars and 22 cents.
Sheldon: What?
Mary: That could've been worse.
George Sr.: Yeah, tell me about it.
Sheldon: Let me see that.
George Sr.: I'm gonna wash up for dinner.
Sheldon: You realize they're wrong. My return was flawless.
George Sr.: I-It's four dollars. Forget it.
Sheldon: But they're saying I made a mistake.
Mary: You also got us a nice refund. You did a great job.
Adult Sheldon: I appreciated my mother's love, but what a boy really craves is the unconditional approval of a government agency.
Quote from the episode The Wild and Woolly World of Nonlinear Dynamics
Adult Sheldon: Classical physics can predict a lot about the world. For example, it can tell us what happens when one pool ball knocks into another. But when multiple balls careen in different directions, we've entered the wild and woolly world of nonlinear dynamics. And you don't need me to tell you that it's impossible to predict what will happen next. Actually, based on the state of our educational system, you probably do. Now imagine those are people. Even a brilliant young ball who graduated high school at 11 can be caught in the maelstrom. Aah! Our first collision was set in motion when Pastor Jeff and Robin had their baby.
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