Sheldon: [knocking] [o.s.] Hello?
Mary: Yeah, baby?
Sheldon: [o.s.] I was just wondering where everyone was.
Mary: Uh, we're just in here talking. We'll be out in a little bit. Everything okay?
Sheldon: [o.s.] I'm fine. But Missy's watching a movie called Porky's.
Mary: I don't know what that is.
George Jr.: That one's rough.
George Sr.: Not good.
Mary: I'll be right back in, baby.
Sheldon: Hmm. [walks away]

Mary: Let's say grace. Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.
All: Amen.
Sheldon: I told Dr. Linkletter about Georgie.
George Jr.: Why'd y'all tell Sheldon?
Missy: They didn't. I figured it out.
George Jr.: Great. Now everyone knows.
Mary: Not everyone.
Sheldon: Just us and Dr. Linkletter.

Sheldon: What is that? A bug bite?
[fantasy: a man (Penn Gillette) addresses the camera from a large chair:]
A.V.: Hello, allow me to introduce myself. I am Acne Vulgarus. More commonly known as the pimple. Frankly, neither name paints a very pretty picture, but such is the life of a pustule. [a smaller man (Teller) is seated on a stool] And this is my longtime colleague, Pus. Now, we're usually associated with, uh, ugliness and discomfort, but I would argue we're actually a symbol of growth. In this case, Sheldon Cooper's ascent... or descent... into adulthood. Kind of a signpost that says, "You are now entering puberty." [Pus holds up a sign reading exactly that] Yeah, like that.

Mary: Doesn't look like a bug bite.
Missy: It's probably a pimple.
Sheldon: It's not, I don't get those.
[fantasy: A.V. continues to address the camera from his chair, while Pus is blowing up a balloon while seated on a stool:]
A.V.: As you might expect, we pimples are not very fond of popping things, but I was about to burst this young man's bubble. [Pus pops the balloon]
[reality:]
Missy: Oh, yeah, that's a zit.
Sheldon: No, it's not. My hygiene is impeccable.
Missy: Zit.
Mary: Everybody gets 'em sooner or later, baby.
Sheldon: I'm not everybody.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: No one is ever happy to see me. My therapist says that's their problem, not mine. [Pus rolls his eyes] But, honestly, it hurts. [Pus makes a mocking gesture] Pus? This is supposed to be a safe space. [Pus continues mocking A.V.]

[After Sheldon wakes up from his dream, he sits up in bed and uses his rope/pulley system to knock on Missy's bedroom wall.]
Missy: [over walkie-talkie] I hate you. This better be an emergency.
Sheldon: My pimple has me concerned about the future.
Missy: Not an emergency. Good night.
Sheldon: But we're twins and we have a special bond, so you can't ignore me in my time of need.
Missy: Watch me.
Sheldon: And I'm scared.
Missy: Damn it.

Adult Sheldon: My sister encouraged me to embrace adolescence as a journey of scientific discovery. I stood before a whole new teenage world of music, slang words and even clothing styles. [Sheldon removes a red Flash t-shirt] Pretty groovy, huh?
[Sheldon stands in front of his bedroom mirror wearing the red Flash t-shirt over a blue undershirt]
Sheldon: Wow, I might look too cool.

Mandy: And I'm worried about your meemaw.
Missy: Well, you don't have to be. She's fine.
Sheldon: She is?
Missy: Yes, Sheldon, she is.
Sheldon: So she's not in jail?
Mandy: She's in jail?
Sheldon: Well, I thought so, but maybe not.
[Missy gives an oblivious Sheldon a scornful look, but he breezily shakes his head, oblivious to her intent]

Sheldon: How's Mom?
Missy: Pretty upset.
Sheldon: Even after that excellent speech I made?
Missy: For once, I don't think you're the problem.
Sheldon: Good for me. [doorbell rings] I'm reading. [Missy sighs]

Sheldon: Well, all we need is a mainframe computer.
George Jr.: How much is that?
Sheldon: New, about half a million dollars, but I'm hoping to find something slightly used.
[Georgie kicks Sheldon out of the garage]
Sheldon: Time will prove me right.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, Mom. It's your son, Sheldon.
Mary: Hello, my son, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have an 8:00 a.m. class tomorrow, and I was wondering if I could spend the night in my dorm.
Mary: That's fine.
Sheldon: Now before you answer, hear me out. I have a list of reasons why this is a good idea. Number one...
Mary: Sheldon, I know that you're safe there. It's fine.
Sheldon: That's reason number four. Please don't skip ahead.
Mary: Honey, I trust you. Just go to bed at a reasonable hour and call if you need anything. Otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow.
Sheldon: Okay. Number one: I'm not...
Mary: Goodbye, Sheldon. [hangs up]
Sheldon: Who hangs up on a list?

Sheldon: Aah. No skateboarding in the hallway. Aah! This childishness cannot be allowed to continue.

Sheldon: Hello. I need to tattle.
Tommy: [opens door] What?
Sheldon: Is your room on fire?
Tommy: No.
Sheldon: But I see smoke.
Tommy: Okay.
Sheldon: You need to know there's people skateboarding and playing loud music in the hallways.
Tommy: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: You're the resident advisor. It's your job to enforce the rules.
Tommy: I'll get right on it.
Sheldon: Thank you. [walks away] The system works.

[Sheldon is asleep as he sits on a bench outside President Hagemeyer's office. As she turns the corner of the corridor and sees him, she quickly comes to a halt and tries to back away.]
Sheldon: I smell your shampoo.
President Hagemeyer: Aw, damn it.

President Hagemeyer: How long have you been sitting out there?
Sheldon: All night.
President Hagemeyer: And why?
Sheldon: [sighs heavily] Are you familiar with Arkham Asylum from the Batman comics?
President Hagemeyer: No.
Sheldon: Well, it's a madhouse, as is my dormitory after the sun goes down.

President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, I am the president of this university. I don't handle noise complaints. That's why there's a resident advisor.
Sheldon: Oh, I went to him.
President Hagemeyer: And?
Sheldon: You saw me sleeping on the bench like a hobo. What do you think?
President Hagemeyer: Can't you just... I don't know... chalk this up as part of the college experience?
Sheldon: Yeah, the clown college experience. I'm sorry. I'm cranky.

Sheldon: I've compiled a list of reasons why I should be appointed the dormitory R.A. Number one...
President Hagemeyer: Fine. You're the R.A.
Sheldon: Okay. "Number one: I love rules... creating them, following them, and most fun of all, enforcing them."
President Hagemeyer: You're the R.A., Sheldon.
Sheldon: Excellent. "Number two... punishment for rule infractions must be both fair and merciless."

Sheldon: [over bullhorn] Attention, residents of Bower Hall. My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm your new R.A. The age of chaos is over. I repeat, the age of chaos is over. Please take a moment to familiarize yourself with the dormitory rules posted on the bulletin board. Ignorance of these rules is no excuse, and violators will be...
[A tired looking student wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts walks out of his dorm room and grabs Sheldon's bull-horn, taking it back into his room]
Sheldon: [shouts through his hands] New rule. Unauthorized use of my bullhorn is forbidden. I repeat. Unauthorized...
Student: [over bullhorn] Shut up.

Sheldon: And not only that. Then someone defaced my rule sheet with a drawing of testicles.
President Hagemeyer: [muffled laugh] Well, that is so immature.
Sheldon: I agree. Simply naming me dorm R.A. isn't enough to command respect. I need a physical symbol of my authority, like the way a king had a scepter.
President Hagemeyer: So, you want a scepter?
Sheldon: No, that could be used against me. Ooh, how about a badge? I'd be like a Texas Ranger who patrols the halls of a dormitory.

President Hagemeyer: Well, these all just such terrific ideas but, um, how about an official letter from my desk with a handwritten note attesting to your position?
Sheldon: All right.
President Hagemeyer: "To the students of Bower Hall."
Sheldon: That's your handwriting?
President Hagemeyer: "This document bestows on Sheldon Cooper all the powers and privileges of resident advisor."
Sheldon: "Bestows." I like it. Sloppy, but I like it.

Sheldon: [knocks on door] Open up. It's the R.A.
Bobby: Yeah?
Sheldon: It's quiet hours. You have to turn the music off.
Bobby: Says who?
Sheldon: Me, the R.A. You probably didn't hear me over the music. [Bobby goes to close the door] Maybe this will convince you. Her cursive is maybe questionable, but trust me, my authority is not.
[Bobby rips up Sheldon's hand-written note from President Hagemeyer, throws the pieces in his face and closes his door]
Sheldon: [o.s.] Jokes on you. I have Scotch tape.