[As George works on his team sheets at the kitchen table, Georgie walks in and grabs a beer from the fridge]
George: What are you doing?
Georgie: Oh, you know, just one of them days.
George: Put that back.
Georgie: I'll split it with you.
George: No.
Georgie: Fine.

Missy: Can't believe this is how I'm spending my night.
Sheldon: I know, alone in a comic book store. A dream come true.
Missy: Your dreams are sad.
Sheldon: Hmm. At least they've been realized.

Nathan: Okay, so we're agreed, we'll have Marvel over here, DC over there, and indies in the back.
Sheldon: But within each section, how do we organize them?
Nathan: Alphabetical, by title.
Sheldon: But then you'd have Amazing Spiderman in the A's, Spectacular Spiderman in the S's, and Web of Spiderman in the W's. You see the insanity.
Nathan: Okay. So we'll do it alphabetical by character.
Sheldon: But then we file Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen under "J" for "Jimmy" or "S" for "Superman"?
Missy: How about under "I" for I'm going home. [exits]
Nathan: What if we go crazy and organize them by artist?
Sheldon: All the Steve Ditkos in one place? 'Nuff said.

Mary: What's this about the university owning 90% and Sheldon only owning ten?
President Hagemeyer: Oh, that's just standard boilerplate.
Sheldon: Did you know that boilerplate originally referred to the roll of steel used as a template to create steam boilers, but then was adapted to the legal profession to describe the way companies use fine print to get around the law?
President Hagemeyer: Ugh, that fact is just so fun. You see? It is a party. And what's a party without Yoo-hoo? Can I get you a cold one?
Sheldon: Yes, please.
Mary: No.

Dr. Linkletter: Do you remember when we came up with the idea for that grant database?
Sheldon: I remember when I came up with the idea.
Dr. Linkletter: Uh, in my office.
Sheldon: In my brain.
Dr. Linkletter: Which was in my office. And, as I recall, I was the one who suggested you build a database.
Sheldon: No, you suggested I build a comic book database.
Dr. Linkletter: Which was the underlying idea.
Sheldon: Fire is the underlying idea for the nuclear power plant, and no one credits the caveman.
Dr. Linkletter: Son, and I call you son because I think of you as family. [Sheldon smiles] Is this the way you would treat your own family?
Sheldon: Not my mom. Everyone else is on their own.

Sheldon: So once this is up and running, anyone with a computer and a modem can have access to every grant offered worldwide.
Dr. John Sturgis: And you can charge for access on both sides. As the kids like to say, ka-ching.
Sheldon: That's the sound of a cash register, in case the onomatopoeia was unclear.
Mr. Lockhart: Sounds like this could be very lucrative.
Sheldon: [whispers] It was clear.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, you could go back to the university. They were willing to fund it.
Sheldon: No, they wanted to control the whole thing. I want somebody who will just give me the money, let me work on my own schedule and not expect me to listen to their dumb ideas.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't think rich people who give money like being told their ideas are dumb.
[flashback:]
Gary: This is fun. Not a lot of people I can talk to, scientist to scientist.
Sheldon: We're not talking scientist to scientist. You're not a scientist. You're just a rich man that no one will be honest to because everyone wants your money.
[present:]
Dr. John Sturgis: What happened?
Gary: He found my honesty delightful and gave the university a lot of money.
Dr. John Sturgis: Impressive.
Sheldon: I know. But what are the odds we'll find someone like him? [John waits for Sheldon to come to a realization] Oh.

Mary: You watching your Star Trek show?
Sheldon: I am.
Mary: Mind if I join?
Sheldon: Not at all. But I must warn you, it's addictive. [TV plays]
Mary: Is that one Mr. Spock?
Sheldon: No, there's no Mr. Spock. This is Deep Space Nine, not TOS.
Mary: Sorry, I thought this was Star Trek.
Sheldon: It is Star Trek. It's Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. And this is the first episode, so I'm trying to pay attention.
Mary: Sorry. [theme music plays on TV] Is that it? Is it over?
Sheldon: Well, that's just part one. There's a whole 'nother hour.
Mary: Oh.

Sheldon: Right now we have more important things to focus on than the name, like how are we going to build this.
Gary: Grant-opolis. Grant-cano. No, wait. The Grant Canyon. Oh, that's gonna look great on a T-shirt. Hey, what size do you guys wear?
Sheldon: [covers speaker] This is not helpful. Can't I hang up on him?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, I have to remind you...
Gary: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: ...he's funding the entire project. He should remain included.
Gary: Hello?
Sheldon: Fine. [uncovers speaker] The Grant Canyon is a terrible name. It sounds like a place grants go to die.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon.
Sheldon: I'm including him.

Dr. John Sturgis: We want to offer you a job.
Sheldon: And for you to wash your hands.
Toby: I already have a job.
Dr. John Sturgis: We know. We want you to do the same thing, but for more money.
Toby: Okay.
Sheldon: Really, that's all it took? Where's the loyalty?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, this is what we want.
Sheldon: I know, but what if somebody comes along and offers him more money? Is he just gonna leave us?
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you?
Toby: Probably.
Sheldon: We can hire him, but he cannot go to the bathroom alone.
Dr. John Sturgis: [offers hand] Welcome aboard.
Sheldon: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's hit that sink.

Dr. Linkletter: Ah! I knew it. You poached my programmer.
Dr. John Sturgis: You poached his idea.
Dr. Linkletter: Toby, what happened to loyalty?
Sheldon: It's annoying, isn't it?
Dr. Linkletter: There's an old saying: "You mess with the bull, you get the horns".
Sheldon: Well, there's a new saying: "We have a programmer and you don't".
Dr. John Sturgis: [giggles] Yeah.

Sheldon: President Hagemeyer, have you come to meet my new roommate, VAX 6000?
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, you can't have a mainframe in your dorm.
Sheldon: Actually, there's no rule against it. I can't have a candle, a microwave, a hot plate, a coffee maker, a toaster or a waterbed. But there's nothing against a mainframe.
President Hagemeyer: Well, I'm the president of the university and I'm telling you you can't.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're just trying to sabotage our project because you know we're gonna beat you to market. Sheldon, plug it in.
[When Sheldon plugs it in, the mainframe units light up and the hard drives whirr. A moment later, Sheldon's dorm room, the building, and then the whole university are plunged into darkness]
Sheldon: [o.s.] There really should be a rule against this.

Sheldon: We're coming up with games to play? Because I have a good one: intelligent animal technology. For example, if rhinoceroses were intelligent, how would they type?
Mary: This is for Mandy's baby shower.
Sheldon: Oh. I don't want to go to that.
George: [chuckles] Thankfully, it's for ladies only.

Sheldon: Wait, I don't have to watch football, do I?
George: No.
Georgie: Please don't.
Sheldon: Sweet.

Dr. Linkletter: How about this? Here's the key. Go nuts.
Sheldon: But I'm a minor. I require adult supervision.
Dr. Linkletter: I won't tell anyone.
Sheldon: I will. I'm quite the tattler.
Dr. Linkletter: Then you'll have to wait till Monday.